The Shiva house

I am going to begin this blog by writing about the recent arrest of a very popular and well-respected rabbi, who (allegedly) placed cameras in the mikvah in his shul.  He was a voyeur to two of life’s sacred mitzvot.  He could watch a woman immerse in in anticipation of the deepest intimacy a couple can share, and he was more than a witness to an individual, who upon immersion will join the Jewish people.

I am fortunate to be friends with a young couple who completed their conversion under the auspice of that rabbi, who like Voldemort, shall not be named.  They are a very observant couple.  He leaves his family to learn in a well-known yeshiva, and she is learning Russian, so she can help elderly Jews who are too old, frail and poor to make aliyah.  

After the rabbi was arrested, my friend paid a visit to his shul in Georgetown.  There was a gathering of people to talk and discuss what happened.  He description of the meeting was, “it was like being in a Shiva house.”

Aside from the bad jokes, snide remarks and mocking, the shul was a Shiva house.  People who had, in many cases given up their families, friends, homes and modified their work habits had lost a trusted advisor, mentor and father figure. 

They are hurt. They have been betrayed. Some have been shunned in their own communities because they had the chutzpah to come forward to discuss their experiences. 

The RCA (Rabbinical Council of America under whose authority the rabbi served) says that all of his conversions are kosher.  Israeli authorities, whose attitude toward conversion is “none is too many,” announced each conversion would have to be reviewed before the convert would be accepted in Israel.  The status of the individual, their marriage and even their children is in limbo.  

I will eventually write about my own experience, but in a nutshell, my first conversion was under the authority of the RCA and the second (because one conversion is never enough), was under the guidance of a Chassidic Rav. He felt that my initial conversion might not be universally accepted. He made me learn for an additional two years, but I am grateful for his insight.  It is wrong that anyone who undergoes the rigor or a kosher conversion should have his or her status continually questioned.  

A woman who had undergone her conversion with this rabbi wrote a column advocating a “Convert’s Bill of Rights.”  Most of our religious leaders have remained silent. Those who so easily lecture others on Sabbath observance, kashrut and prayer, have ignored one of the Torah’s most important commandments.  In doing so, they have ignored their own duties.

When giving the Torah, our Creator established a “Convert’s Bill of Rights.”  In his most consistent attribute of mercy, he remembered us. At least forty times in the Torah, he demands his people, including those entrusted with authority, to “ love the stranger” or convert. 

Judaism began with two, Abraham and Sarah.  They were not born into the covenant.  They gave up their comfortable lives and successful family business to follow G-d and establish the Jewish people.  They are the first converts, and all Jews are their spiritual descendants.  Kings David and Solomon did not descend from  “A” list royalty.  They descend from a Moabite princess, who choose to glean fields rather than return to her family and palace.  So important is her contribution that we read the book of Ruth on Shavuot.  Her words, “where you lead, I will follow” have been quoted in verse and on the silver screen. 

The silence we hear from our leaders may reflect bad manners, but I also think it reflects jealousy.  Abraham, Sarah and Ruth left their comfort zone for something they felt was higher.  Converts are willing to do that.  Most people are not. 

I have yet to meet a convert whose non-Jewish family danced in the street when they made their decision to join the Jewish people.  In my own journey, which began as a child, I my family mostly disowned me when I converted at the age of 19.  Once they stopped crying over my soul, I became known as “the Heb.” They do not contact me, and I don’t contact them.  It is better that way.  

It was a well-known Jewish advice columnist wrote, “Time wounds all heels.”  This is true.  The rabbi who brought pain to so many will never recover.  He has lost his reputation, respect, congregation and authority.  We will recover. Our pain and hurt will subside.   As a convert, I share your pain.  We are also Jews.  We have spouses, children, friends and rabbi’s who are compassionate and caring.  

As a convert, I have laughed and cried.  I have been the target of insults and have listened to people who opened their mouths just to switch feet.  I have developed a thick skin.  In the end, I joined this very special people.   I would not trade one day, moment or second to be less than a “stranger” in their midst.

Have a peaceful week,

Emuna