Have you heard the breaking news?
Gisele Bündchen, the Victoria’s Secret supermodel and a wife of pretty-boy NFL star Tom Brady has announced that she would like to pass a law mandating Mothers having to Breastfeed their babies for a minimum of six (6) months! Yes, the skinny bitch has opened her mouth instead of strutting her starvation-diet, hungry, angry face on the catwalk. Another ignorant woman to make the rest of the women look bad, again! Yes, Ms. Palin I am talking to you.
Like anyone cares about what a Victoria’s Secret model has to say… Just look skinny and sexy, strut your perky little B cups on the runway, keep taking lingerie photos for my Victoria’s Secret magazine that my husband eagerly awaits for, and we’ll all be happy. Don’t talk. Don’t try and make any kind of illegible and ignorant comments to the media, just be quiet, look hot and collect your millions. We only want to look at you, not hear from you. That’s all we, the regular folk ask of you, is that too much? Someone who has a body like yours, one of the hottest husbands in the world (who happens to do everything you tell him to even if that mop on his head makes him the laughing stock of NFL), no real problems and on top of it is a millionaire? How could you possibly understand real women who have real breasts, and real problems with breastfeeding? With everything we know about the health benefits of nursing, don’t you think that if everyone could do it, they absolutely would? Way to go you rich, stuck-up idiot to make Mothers feel worse about not being able to breastfeed their babies due to our DDDD-engorged-with-milk-watermelons-that-produce-an-ounce-of-milk-per-hour-per-breast!
Or maybe her real motivation is to teach all babies of the world self-control, discipline and how to properly diet from an early age. Just because your Mother’s milk is taking forever to come down into your mouth does not give you the right to cry! It is because your Mother’s breasts are not making enough milk for you that you will be lean, thin, angry machine just like Gisele Bündchen and the rest of the models! Babies don’t need proper nutrition, and like my six-year-old likes to say: you get what you get, and you don’t get upset!
There babies, Mrs. Tom Brady has decided that its better for you to only have an ounce of breast milk at your feedings but be skinny and angry, instead of a full bottle but be fat and happy! There is your logic according to an expert supermodel…
I sure hope to run into her one day! Boy would I love to have a specific word with her.
More news and opinions than at a Shabbat dinner, right in your inbox.