June 17, 2019

Meant2Be: Liar, Liar

I had two dates last week. Both liars, and neither particularly bright. Bless them. I don’t understand the concept of lying while dating and have to laugh when lies begin right at the start. By at the start, of course, I mean before we even meet. I went in with no expectations, but both dates ended badly.

I met the first man for a cocktail. He was there when I arrived, looked like his picture, and we began to chat. The conversation was easy and we started the dance people do when getting to know each other. After an easy 30 minutes, he dropped a major lie. He let me know he was “almost” divorced. His profile said “divorced,” and when he wrote, he told me he’d been divorced for three years. Cut to him letting me know he “wants to be honest,” and when he said he was divorced, he really meant he was separated, but “almost divorced.” 

He shared that there is no rush because they’re both over it, and the divorce will happen soon. I’m quite certain his “almost” has no end in sight and would venture he wants to stay married but have fun while on his little break. I told him as much, and he didn’t deny it, simply changed the subject. I point blank asked him if the goal was to get back with his wife and he ordered another round. It was weird. By weird, of course, I mean this guy is a pig and shouldn’t be dating. There is no need to lie, and I’d love to chat with his wife. A lie never serves you well.

There are women who will date a man who is separated. There are even women who will date a man with a rock collection or porn fetish. There is someone for everyone, so just be honest, and you’ll find someone who accepts you. Stop lying. Perhaps people think they’re not desirable and feel the need to embellish, but in the end you are a liar, which makes you less desirable. 

I met the second man for coffee. He was a little more rock ’n’ roll than men I usually date, but had a great sense of humor. When he arrived, I stood up to give him a hug, and when we released from the embrace I noticed he only had one arm. He also smelled like he had just finished a cigarette.

I thought it was odd he hadn’t mentioned having one arm, but didn’t really think about it because I was overwhelmed by the smell of smoke. His profile said he was a nonsmoker, but he obviously had a cigarette on the ride over. I was certain the hug had transferred the gross smell onto me.

I smoked for 20 years, which makes me militant about it. I’m also a cancer survivor, so smoking is not negotiable. “Smokey” was chatting and I couldn’t focus because he stunk. 

After a few minutes, I asked why he said he was a nonsmoker if he clearly smokes. He said he was quitting. I told him he should put on his profile that he is working on quitting. He said he was closer to being a nonsmoker than a smoker. I asked why he couldn’t wait to smoke until after our date. He asked why I was so wound up. Really? I was fascinated by his lie because it was going to be exposed: You don’t go on a date smelling like a Marlboro if you’re a nonsmoker. 

Maybe there is something in the air, in the zeitgeist as they say. If a man who lied about his university, his steaks, his casinos, his taxes, and his behavior toward women could become our president, perhaps men will justify their online dating lies by saying they are simply “Trumping.” Hey, if it worked for him, why not?

There are days I marvel that I even bother anymore. It would be easier to just get a cat and call it a day. The married guy sent an email to say sorry. I didn’t respond. Smoker guy called but I didn’t answer. I have a date Tuesday night. Not because I am a glutton for punishment, but rather because I remain hopeful. Losers may test me, but I am keeping the faith.

Do you have a story about dating, marriage, singlehood or any important relationship in your life? Email us at meant2be@jewishjournal.com.

Ilana Angel writes the