What Nobody Tells You About Being An Adult

You’ve come to the realization that things are just not working out in your favor. You’ve followed what you expected would get you to where you want to be, but the destination just doesn’t feel as exciting or liberating as you once imagined.

To confirm your disappointment, you notice yourself peering through social media and questioning why everyone else who followed this so-called protocol seems to be basking in success. The irony of all of this is that your like-minded peers are probably desperately searching for the same answers, while posting their most filtered picture on Instagram with a well-formulated caption representing a false sense of self. Don’t misinterpret that, I too love Instagram.

Yet, it is this lingering feeling that keeps us in a constant state of comparison, when the answers we desperately search for lay much closer than we are led to believe.

One of the most common statements a therapist hears when a disappointed patient leaves therapy abruptly is; “he/she just wasn’t giving me enough.”

This is partly because deep down inside we want to believe that someone else has a concrete set of directions that will lead us on the right path to a magical destination. Somewhere within us we hope that once getting to this well formulated utopia, we’ll have the opportunity to live happily ever after.

One of the harsh realities we must confront as we grow older, is the misconception that whoever was raising us felt completely confident that the choices they were making for us were made in our best interest. We want to believe that our caregivers held some certainty over how everything would work out, that they knew early on who we should become, and maintained some form of psychic ability.  This, my friends, is the ultimate heart-wrenching illusion, and most probably one of the greatest disappointments of becoming a so-called adult.

Part of what makes becoming an adult feel so terrifying is finding yourself in a space for the first time where you are confronted with a self. Now we humans are complex, so we have many facets and parts that make up who we are. Yet the real question lies in understanding which parts make us feel more whole and which qualities we genuinely identify with.

This also means accepting ourselves as flawed individuals and mourning what we could never be.  I believe one of the reasons we find ourselves in a pool of dissatisfaction somewhere between young adulthood and the rest of our lives, is because we rarely take the opportunity to recognize that the dichotomous outlook we once found safety in, may actually now the blueprint of our shame.

It is this feeling of shame that begins to feel counterproductive, as we continue to make these so-called ‘right’ choices, but don’t feel quite right at all.

It is this feeling of shame that often is projected into our relationships, follows us around in our interactions and weighs heavy on our self-esteem. It is this feeling of shame that begins to feel counterproductive, as we continue to make these so-called ‘right’ choices, but don’t feel quite right at all.

It is oftentimes these exact feelings that keep most people from entering therapy–the feeling that we may end up dismantling all of these schemas we’ve worked so hard to keep intact while being married, building a career, raising children, and still finding time to be social. The idea of someone playing around with this well-groomed image can be both terrifying and chaotic. Instead, we are left feeling depleted or perhaps empty because the mask we once held on to so closely no longer fits its mold.

The difficult truth is that getting to know these more authentic parts of ourselves, the parts that we hid away because they were once overlooked or ignored, is our only option towards regaining a sense of self—our only option towards re-claiming control. It means acknowledging that the self  hidden within you wants to be met,  and giving it an opportunity to come up for air.

The liberating truth is that we all have the capacity to evolve but we have to be willing to walk away from what feels familiar in order to do that. It is only in looking more closely and caring more deeply, that you truly give yourself the opportunity to be found.

Dr. Sasha Shokrian specializes in working with individuals during life transitions in both early and late adulthood. She helps her patients develop a genuine curiosity about themselves, while understanding the maladaptive patterns that may be preventing them from reaching their full potential. Her goal is to help patients gain insight and self-awareness that will undoubtedly strengthen the relationship they have with  themselves. She uses a depth focused and collaborative approach to explore early childhood and the ways in which this critical period has played a role in the patient’s current life. The therapeutic process is one that must be individualized, and she truly believes that is her dedication, experience, and authenticity in the room allows for the patient to safely invest in themselves and in the therapeutic journey. You can follow her on Instagram (@DrSashaShokrian) where she shares her passion in a more holistic approach to health.  She also sees patients in her office in Beverly Hills and offers a sliding scale on a case by case basis. She offers free 10-minute phone consultations to interested potential patients. She can be contacted by email @ DrSashaShokrian@gmail.com or by phone at (424) 372-7465 (SHOK).