A Time of Grieving

During the summer heat, as we anticipate a time of slowing down and perhaps even finding moments of pleasure, we Jews tap into a sadness leading to grief. Tradition encourages our memories to be jogged as we enter into the new month of Av, laden with historic calamities, particularly the ones most pivotal and strikingly cataclysmic: The destruction of the holy temples, the first in 586 BCE and the second in 70 CE. Both were a devastation of our then central physical home as well as the Holy Land on which it stood, Jerusalem, in blazing fire and blood-filled streets. Tisha B’Av, the Ninth of Av, is calendared so as not to forget. And the destruction included the annihilation of thousands of Jews, as well as the dismantling of our community, with many fleeing for their lives, inaugurating an ongoing exilic journey for generations to come.

The rabbis, with their astounding and innovative coping mechanisms, reshaped Judaism, shifting from the sacrificial as the center of ritual life to a religion focused on words based on Torah (both written and oral) and prayer. The words of Torah are the first words and teachings from above, from HaShem to us, and prayer is comprised of heart-felt words of devotion, pain and gratitude from us to HaShem. Yet our beloved sages made sure we continued to honor our history, the customs of our past, and vast breadth of emotions including the pain and sadness interwoven with these events. Grief, which reflects the depth of pain and loss in our souls, is among the most necessary of emotions to be expressed. The deep wisdom of our sages instilled, as part of our tradition and rituals, an ongoing connection to empathizing with our ancestors and their pain, reliving it as if it is a reality in the moment. When we sit low to the ground, chant the text of Lamentations, surrounded by the dim light of burning candles, we relive in a visceral way the degradation, the despoliation, and horrors that besieged our people 2,000 years ago. In fact, this same date also marks the devastating events of 1492 when Spain expelled all Jews, as well as events connected to WWI, WWII and the Holocaust.

Opening our hearts to pain creates a soul more tender and open to the coming messages of the High Holy Days and T’shuvah, change and return.

It is not only a powerful moment to be honored in the present, but also the beginning and preparation for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Opening our hearts to pain creates a soul more tender and open to the coming messages of the High Holy Days and T’shuvah, change and return. It is a brilliant, well-connected continuing circle that we dance year after year.

But for Jews, women and Americans where do these vital and painful emotions reside? How do we have an opportunity to connect with them and find release and transformation in the process? Grief has been an integral feature of these past years. We’ve watched millions throughout the world die of COVID, seen cities burn as a result of climate change, been witness to the dismantling of democratic beliefs and actions, witnessed devastating carnage from rifles that belong on fields of war, experienced the removal of freedoms and choice for women left only with fear, and observed the outrageous lack of consequence for those who participated in a political coup, while also managing our own losses in many facets of our lives — familial, professional and personal. For some it is as if the world we once knew is slipping through our finger tips.

We must embrace and honor grief, even as it has a way of draining energy, causing foggy minds and even moments of sadness and depression, which have risen over the past three years.

So many mourn and don’t even realize it. Life is a constant confrontation with change and many of us manage to acclimate to and even accept these moments in our lives, but the life-altering and cultural shifts brought on by such devastations as war, climate change, outrageous political controls, deaths of innocent young children, and a global pandemic impact each of us at our very core. The result is grief. We must embrace and honor grief, even as it has a way of draining energy, causing foggy minds and even moments of sadness and depression, which have risen over the past three years. Close to 300,000 million people have incidents of depression and my hunch is this does not include the many who have not shared what they are experiencing, particularly those alone and still in lockdown. Living with unknown has a way of bearing down on one’s spirit, particularly when it is laden with potential terrifying, negative outcomes.

As we come to honor our Jewish past, we must also give homage to the human dilemma in which we reside, find connections to others who feel the same and explore and share ways of expression and new modes of healing that can transform suffering and brokenness into new levels of inner calm and wholeness.

Eva Robbins is a rabbi, cantor, artist and the author of “Spiritual Surgery: A Journey of Healing Mind, Body and Spirit.”