Take a Deep Breath

Lose your temper, and you might sacrifice your dreams.  Even worse, you might jeopardize your life.

The Torah is replete with examples.

Moses gave up so much only to have his hope of leading the Israelites into the Promised Land wrested from him, seemingly because he couldn’t control his emotions. Explanations abound for why, according to the book of Numbers, he “raised his hand and struck the rock twice with his rod” to draw a flow of water.  

True, G-d instructed Moses to “order the rock to yield its water,” not to hit it.  But earlier, in the book of Exodus, he was told to “strike the rock and water will issue from it.” Perhaps Moses was confused – at first he was supposed to strike a rock; a second time he was supposed to talk to it.  And Moses struck the rock twice immediately following the death of his beloved sister Miriam, presumably leaving him distraught.  While any competent defense attorney would have had a strong case, the Torah doesn’t abide excuses, and Moses’ hopes were dashed.

Before that, in the book of Genesis, there was the saga of Cain, who was “filled with rage” when G-d didn’t approve of his offering.  In his fury, Cain committed history’s first murder, killing his brother Abel. Cain’s punishment: exile, as he was banished to wander the earth.  

And then there was Balaam, who was so enraged with his donkey’s apparent obstinacy that he beat the animal mercilessly.  That didn’t end well – with Balaam being “put to the sword” in the battle against Midian.  You might expect that Balaam, the man who gave us the exquisite line “How fair are your tents, O Jacob, your dwellings, O Israel,” would be spared for his eloquence, but he was eventually done in by his anger and his overall wickedness.

We don’t need the Torah to teach us that losing control may lead to despair, injury, or even death.  

Recent studies indicate that anger can exact a substantial toll on your physical and mental well-being.  Researchers have shown that losing your temper doubles the likelihood of a heart attack, triples the risk of stroke, and raises the odds of experiencing a brain aneurysm by six times.  Why take the chance?

Researchers have shown that losing your temper doubles the likelihood of a heart attack, triples the risk of stroke, and raises the odds of experiencing a brain aneurysm by six times.  Why take the chance?

When someone runs a stop sign, jumps ahead of you in line, or screams into a cell phone while you are standing nearby, it is very tempting – indeed, very human – to express your outrage.  But remaining calm and allowing the moment to pass is not only safer, it is a better way to live.  Restraint is a form of self-care. 

That was made tragically clear in a cautionary tale I recall each time someone cuts me off on the road.  Many years ago, a friend of my brother-in-law, and his girlfriend, were parked in their car when a vehicle pulled up beside them.  The driver threw open his door, nicking the passenger side door.  The girlfriend was livid.  She rolled down her window and yelled at the driver, who proceeded to reach into his glove compartment, take out a gun, walk around to the boyfriend’s side of the car, and shoot him in the head.  The car drove away, and the murderer was never caught. 

The horrifying death of my brother-in-law’s friend serves as an enduring lesson for me and my family.  We vow to each other that we will pause before we say or do something that might place us in danger.  

I have to admit that patience is much easier to recommend than to practice.  With Israel under siege, Jew-haters emboldened, and social media fanning the flames of incivility, it is a heroic struggle to reign in our anger.  If you are like I am, it takes all of your self-control not to kick in your TV set or throw your cell phone out the window!

But no one wants to end up like Moses, coming so close to fulfilling his most precious dream only to have it squashed due to a moment of rage.  When you feel that you are about to explode, take a deep breath, and calm yourself down.  You will be doing your loved ones a mitzvah.

Morton Schapiro is the former president of Williams College and Northwestern University.  His most recent book (with Gary Saul Morson) is “Minds Wide Shut:  How the New Fundamentalisms Divide Us.”