Share the Kindness to at Least Two People Daily, You’ll Feel Better

“I love your smile.”
“A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks.”

I’m a stand-up comedian. I’m in a profession that, if you’re good at what you do, people often heap praise on you. 

Before I step on stage, a person introduces me. “And now, ladies and gentlemen (except nowadays that has to be more gender neutral), please welcome …” and then there’s applause. If I have had a good show, afterward the applause is louder.

How many people get that when they show up for work? “And now, ladies and gentlemen, the law firm of Crumb, Bing and Wallace wants you to welcome back to the office Karen Lipmanshbybivberg. You saw her yesterday and she’ll be here all week. So put your hands together for Karen.” Applause.

Wouldn’t that be nice? Instead, when Karen finishes for the day, maybe one or two people might say goodnight to her. When I’m done, people want to hang out with me. Many people take work home with them. Nobody ever calls me at home or at my hotel after my show and says, “Hey, Mark, tell me one more joke.”  

Most people get very little applause or actual recognition in life but many of them deserve it far more than I do. Have you ever gone by yourself to visit someone who is in a coma? Unless you told someone you were going to do this, no one knows you were even there. Even Moses, with all he did for the Jews, not only got no applause, he was left out of the haggadah. In fact, many good things people do at or outside their jobs are done in private and in silence. Which is a good thing. It’s between them and God. 

If you ask most people if they need applause or recognition, they might say, “It might be nice occasionally.” But many will say no. Many will say that they chose the life they lead and if they have a happy and healthy family, then that’s applause and recognition enough for them. And that’s true. 

But occasionally telling people that they are doing a good job or that they look good or you like them or you’re happy to see them is not a bad thing. But be careful what compliments you give people these days. “That’s a nice dress” might cost you $20,000 in legal fees and your job. 

When I look in the mirror, I don’t think I’m the best judge of how I look. In fact, quite the opposite. I hardly ever think I look good. I need people to correct my vision.

Try saying two nice things to at least two people every day.

I have a cousin who’s in his mid-70s. He’s a nice guy but looks a little weather-beaten. I was with him recently and I told him that I thought he looked good and, by the way, I really did think that. In less than a second, he said, “Really?” I said, “Yeah, you look healthy.” Again, he said, “Really?” I would bet the house that no one has told him that he looked good in many years. But when I told him, he perked right up. His eyes seem to look a bit less sad. Someone saw him. He wasn’t the invisible man for a minute. When I tell people that I was just thinking about them, most of the time, they don’t believe it. 

How about saying something to brighten a person’s day? “I love your smile.” “It’s good to see you.” “Those are nice shoes.” There are hundreds of things you could say to brighten someone’s day, especially people in your family, who often are taken for granted. I once told my cousin she was my favorite cousin and she told me how much that meant to her.

So try it. Try saying two nice things to at least two people every day — especially to your spouse and kids. They’ll appreciate it. And maybe, just maybe, after 10 years of doing this, they may say something nice to you.

Then let me know you did it and I promise I’ll stand up and applaud you for it.

Mark Schiff is a comedian, actor and writer.