Become a More Independent You!

Now that Yom Ha’Atzmaut is around the corner, I’ve begun thinking a lot about the meaning of independence. What does it mean for someone to gain one’s independence?

Why is so much emphasis placed on the importance of becoming socially or financially independent? Being independent, feeling that one is the master of one’s own destiny is a driving force in human nature.

So, how do you go about becoming independent?

Where did I begin looking for answers to this question? Where do people in the year 2015 search when they want to find out how to do something?

You “googled” right 🙂

But this morning, the point that really stood out to me was to stop caring about what other people think. Ok, let’s all admit- how much of what we do is just to “keep up with the Joneses”? The other day, I begged my husband to buy me a certain model diamond ring, even though I never asked him to buy me jewelry in all our 20 years of marriage! I just began noticing that about 30 women in my neighborhood wear prominent diamond rings, all basically the same model. I began feeling inferior- like I absolutely needed this specific diamond ring, which is waaay above our budget and doen’t even suit my long fingers. If I don’t have it, then how can I show my face (or hands!) in public?!

Another issue that bugs me sometimes is the “Why Don’t My Kids Look As Perfect As Hers” Syndrome- ever heard of it? 😉

Here in Elad, Israel, it’s ultra-cool to dress all 6 or 8 or 10 etc. of your kids in matching outfits- not only on Shabbat, but on weekdays! When I get my kids out of the house in clean, somewhat decent-looking clothes and basically similar colored socks, I feel like a hero! Well… I used to. Not anymore. Now I notice those families with all 4 daughters wearing blue and red striped t-shirts (with a big red sequined heart in the middle) and khakhi skirts, while their 3 brothers wear matching blue and red striped shirts with khaki shorts. It’s truly a sight to behold! I often wonder how much their mother must have bribed or threatened them to get them to agree to this. And think about the logistics! Their mom had to ensure that all 7 outfits be clean and ironed on the same day! This is simply mind-boggling… and I admit, I begin wondering: Why Don’t My Kids Look As Perfect As Hers?

Yep, so these types of feelings definitely prevent us from gaining true independence.

Here is a great point that Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S. writes on “Becoming more Independent” on the “PsychCentral” blog: “Learn to soothe yourself.”

Give yourself permission to acknowledge and feel your feelings. As Lancer said, instead of thinking, “’I shouldn’t feel this way’” or ignoring your feelings, be a good parent to yourself and comfort yourself. Take time to figure out what calms and supports you and makes you happy. Again, becoming more autonomous means living by “your own internal guidance system,” rather than external systems, Lancer said. And it’s key to fulfillment. “We can never feel fulfilled by following someone else’s dreams: independent living is the only way to find true satisfaction,” Judd said.

So, when you’re enjoying the succulent steak and delicious hamburger at your Yom Ha’Atzmaut BBQ, keep in mind the above food for thought on becoming a more independent you!