FIRST IS FIRST!

My mother taught us never to spend a dollar if you can pay less. I continued the tradition with a twist – never buy in a store if you can get it second-hand. I became an avid supporter of the local thrift shops. I would visit every garden sale in the vicinity and read with ardent interest all the “Used Items for Sale” advertisements.

Our house was crowded with furnishings, games, tools and loads of clothing of all shapes and sizes. Their claim to fame was that they had been purchased at a bargain price. When my husband would ask if I really needed another rocking chair, I retorted, “I couldn't pass it by. It was such a bargain!” A midst all the clutter, we were really feeling quite crowded.

When my oldest, David, approached Bar Mitzvah, major purchases loomed on the horizon. “I’ll start looking around for a second hand suit and hat,” I announced casually. My son winced. He was obviously not happy with the idea but being the good boy he is, he did not say a word.

Of course, the pre-requisite of a Bar Mitzvah is donning Tefillin and since we are religious, he would bewearing them daily for many years. I investigated the prices of quality parchment Tefillin and their boxes.I was shocked. “Ridiculous, to spend so much money” I argued. “We can surely find someone who is not wearing his tefillin anymore and will part with them at a bargain price!” My son winced again but did not say a word.

His response lit a red light in my head and I resolved to talk things over with my good friend Nancy. I love to speak to her. She never gives advice. She just asks the right questions and leaves me to go home and work it out by myself. That is exactly what I did.

Sipping a cup of coffee during a quiet moment, I looked around my home, packed with second-hand bargains. Wait – there were exceptions. The beautiful shining sterling silver candlesticks were a precious gift from my grandmother. I have a gorgeous Dorit Judaica Challah board and knife from my mother and my husband’s striking Shabbat cup was an expensive Judaica item from his mother.

Wow! I suddenly realized that all these items had a common denominator. When it came to values and cherished traditions, I appreciated and wanted first-hand stuff. I understood that to use “shmatters” for Judaica items would be an insult to my way of life and personal beliefs.

Jewish tradition and practice has always put a focus on beautifying mitzvot. Wherever Jews wandered, no matter how poor or persecuted, they esteemed and brought beauty to their mitzvah items whether it was Kiddush cups, havdalah lights, Etrog box or Seder plate. I thought of our beautifully laid Seder table and our magnificent Sukkah, rich with beautiful decorations. What about the Synagogue with the Ark curtains and the magnificent silver crowns adorning the Torah scrolls? I remember how my school teacher vividly described the decorated wagons, festooned with garlands and flowers, travelling to Jerusalem in Temple times to bring the First Fruits.

At that moment, I understood – second hand bargains will not link the children to their spiritual heritage and Jewish identity. Our kids learn from deeds not words. If I honor the Shabbat, they will follow my example. If they see that my priority is to show appreciation for Judaica items, they will get the message. Only personal example will help them maintain their religious identity as they make their way through the vicissitudes of life.

Emerging from the fog, I saw clarity. My husband does not have a second-hand tallit so why should my son have second-hand Tefillin or used bar mitzvah clothing? I knew what I had to do. That evening, giving David a huge hug, I reassured him, “I know that our house is full of bargains but it stops there. For your Bar Mitzvah everything will be first-hand and the best. What comes first is first!”