June 15, 2019

Breasts & Fruit

I like breasts.  I like my own, and can admire others.  I think they are remarkable from the perspective of using them to bond with a newborn baby, and remarkable from the perspective of incorporating them into your sex life.  Boobs are important and should not be taken for granted, which is why I am constantly fascinated when women don’t respect theirs.

Today, as I wore a very pretty pink floral bra, I was very aware of my chest and decided to take notice of the breasts around me.  My boobs looked fabulous, but that was not the case for a large group of women wondering around Beverly Hills.  I found myself saying prayers for random boobs because there was torture happening all around me.  

I saw a woman with rather small boobs who had shoved them in a bra that was clearly suffocating them in order to give them the appearance of oranges, when they were actually grapes.  I saw a woman with peach sized boobs, who was wearing a bra for plum sized boobs, causing them to appear to be cut in half. She was sporting four plums, which is not a good look.

I saw a woman who decided to forego a bra, allowing her grapefruits to swing like monkeys from a tree. Another woman opted to tie a piece a string around watermelons, which caused me to worry I might lose an eye as she walked past me. You don’t put a Band-Aid on a gaping wound and you don’t wear a tiny bra when you have big boobs.

I am here today as an advocate and think it is time for a lesson in breasts and fruit. Pay attention ladies.

The only time you should use string to contain breasts is if you are tying a chicken for Shabbat. Breasts are important. They are an integral part of being a woman, and if you think that is not true, ask someone who has lost hers.  Breasts matter and we must respect them.  Not just their health, but their need for coverage and support.

Women owe it to themselves to get properly fitted for a bra.  It will change not only how you look, but how you feel about your chest. Important to note that unless you are walking down a runway during Paris fashion week, not wearing a bra is not an option. I don’t care how perky you are, or think you are, Put a bra on!

To all the boobs I saw today, I hope relief is coming for you. Stay healthy, get some support, and keep the faith!