February 20, 2019

Motherhood 101: Boy, Man, Superhero

I am finally home after spending two months in London. I cannot recall a time I was ever so excited to get home. It is the longest amount of time I have ever spent away from my child, which has forced me to see him as a grown up, which makes me proud and sad. He has been living on his own for 8 weeks and done a very good job of taking care of himself. Not only himself, but the cats, our home, and responsibilities of mine that were left with him.


It is one thing to go away for a weekend or even a few days, but I left for a long enough period of time that he was either going to succeed or fail. I am happy to report he is officially an adult, and with his 21st birthday coming up in 4 short months, there is no turning back time. He will always be my baby of course, but the painful and liberating truth is that he does not need me in the same way he once did, and he never will again. Life is changing.

There is a special bond between a mother and son. It is magnified and even more remarkable when you are a single mother raising your son alone. We are very close. We are best friends, confidents, and cheerleaders for each other, at the same time we are able to push each other’s buttons like no one else can. We are connected in ways that are eternal, spiritual, and pure. I can only pray that the woman he chooses to marry respects me in his life.

My son is very attractive, very successful, and very kind. I have raised him to have all the qualities I think a man should possess. He is generous, compassionate, grounded, funny, charming, chivalrous, and thoughtful. I came home to flowers, a perfectly cleaned home, a fridge full of my favorite things, sushi takeout, and my car washed. I didn’t ask him to do these things, he simply did them because he is a respectful, decent, and kind human being.

We chatted on Facetime and WhatsApp every day, but with the time difference, and my working long hours, he was left to live his life and he did a smashing job. He made good choices, enjoyed his time alone, hid all evidence of wrongdoing, respected my feelings, and allowed me to nag him just enough to make me miss him a little less. He is a wonderful son and has grown into a truly remarkable man.

He has dated some lovely young women, but nothing too serious as he is focused on his career, but the day will come when he brings someone special home and the thought if it makes me a little sick to my stomach. I will love who he loves because he is my child and I respect him, but I worry if she will love me. I have been the woman in his life since the day he was born and when that role goes to someone else, how can I not instinctually hate her?

I’m kidding. Not really.  I am very aware of how hard it is to find love, so I will make a conscience decision to not stand in his way. He is the child I raised and he has my values and hopes for him engraved on his heart. I can only pray he will choose a woman worthy of him, in the same way her parents will pray he is worthy of her. Being a parent is hard, being a single parent is harder, and being a single mother automatically makes you a Superhero.

Maybe it was my being away so long that got me thinking about who he will choose to spend his life with. When I got sick last year I never thought about these things, even though I was worried about my health. One would think cancer would make me wonder about his future without me, but in the end it is his future with me that causes me more worry. I want to be in his life as he gets older.  I know things will change, but hopefully not too much.

I have jet lag. Maybe that is making me think about random things. I’ve been up for hours and we all know nothing good can come of that. I have a lot of things to think about so surely I can take this off the list. He doesn’t have a girlfriend, yet I am worried about who he is going to marry? Oy vey. I am taking “crazy Jewish mother” to a whole new level. Poor kid is screwed. I have become my own mother, which means he is really screwed.

I am happy to be home in Los Angeles with my boy. We have built a wonderful life here and I am blessed. One day I hope he meets a lovely Jewish girl who understands how much I love him, knows I will love her too, and has a family connection to plastic surgery because I’d like to have my neck done. Oy with the things I worry about when jetlagged. I just need to sleep and pray all my hard work has left him wanting to keep the faith.