December 10, 2018

Dating, Sex & Pokemon Go

One of the best things about being a grown up is sex. We understand it, can embrace the emotions that go with it, separate ourselves from the emotions that go with it, say what we want, express what we need, know what we like, know what we’re good at, stop holding our stomachs in, and swing from the chandelier because we’ve acquired the wisdom to not take it so seriously.

Sex is great. When done correctly it is really great. You can create a wonderful connection between two people, or perhaps more people depending on how you roll. Sex can be magical with someone you care about, and even spiritual on occasion with someone you don’t know very well. I have had sex so bad I thought doing laundry and getting a manicure the whole time. Really bad.

On the other hand, I am a Jewish woman who has seen Jesus floating above the bed giving me a high five it was so good. Let me just think about that one for a minute. Wait here….. hang on….. okay, thank you. Sex is a lot of things and can be different things within the same relationship. I think sex is important and I’m surprised by how many of my married friends aren’t having any.

I’m even more surprised by how many of my single friends aren't having sex. I have several friends, in my age group, who have not only not had sex in a long time, but don’t feel the need to have it any time soon. They are focused on work, or their families, and simply cannot be bothered. They would not say they have given up as much as they have moved on from caring about it.

I think that is sad, but also understandable. Sex can be complicated, especially for women. When dating online it quickly becomes apparent that sex with strangers is an option. The booty call is alive and well and really unappealing. It is such a drag to reach a point where you can enjoy sex without hang-ups, only to have your options be both scary and disgusting.

I was propositioned for sex twice this week. Both men are dating online and under the false impression they were being sexy, or even more ridiculous, funny. It is not sexy to write a woman and tell her, “I’ve got new sheets for you to help me break in”. Also not funny to say, “I don’t think we’re a match outside of bed so I’d be open to a drink with a hook up after.”

Both of these men are younger than me, so one could argue they think an older single woman might be easier to land, but it seems unfair to label this behavior as a young man thing. I once went out with a man who was 10 years my senior and informed me at dinner we would not have a second date unless we slept together to see if there was sexual chemistry. I walked out. True story. 

Dating is a dangerous sport without adding in sex. A date can just be a date. It does not need to be an invitation to sex. It does not need to be an invitation to anything actually. Just because we are old enough to appreciate sex, does not mean it needs to be the focus or goal of dating. It is important, but it isn't important before we even see each other. How about meeting first?

I date. I am looking for a wonderful man to share my life with. I would like someone to go to the movies with, talk about my day with, cook dinner with, go for walks with, and create a history with. It is really not that complicated. It is just dating. That said, dating can be exhausting so when an asshole pops up, it feels like the easiest choice would be to give up and stop dating.

The problem is that I’m not a “take the easy way out” kind of woman. I am certainly not going to let a man with no manners or intelligence stop me from finding what I am trying to find. Today I am going to keep dating. Tomorrow I might get another cat and spend my time hunting for Pokemon, but I will worry about that tomorrow. Dating is a one day at a time activity.

I told a girlfriend about the morons who wrote me this week and she told me it was easier to catch a Pokemon than a man, and I should stop dating and start hunting. I let her know that perhaps I should start looking for a man while I’m hunting for Pokemon. Perhaps I’ll stumble across a lovely man chasing a Pikachu with his children?  Either way, my dating will continue.

Sidebar: The world's first Pokémon Go dating service has launched. You sign up on PokéDates' website, answer questions about the partner you're looking for, and pick a schedule of when you're free to catch pokémon. PokéDates pairs up applicants and sends both parties a time and location to meet and start playing Pokémon Go. Oy vey!

I don't date because I am a glutton for punishment, but because life is too fabulous to not share it. I am 50 years old and refuse to give up on a sex life.  My heart is open so my time will come. I will undoubtedly get propositions from this blog, but I’ll be too busy catching Pokemon to care. Shabbat Shalom and happy hunting of both men and Pokemon. Don’t give up and keep the faith.