November 19, 2018

Dating 101: Return of the Englishman

I am home after 12 days in London. I love England and enjoy my time there. I worked long hours and didn’t have time to see family in Manchester, but I got my work done and am happy to share I’ll be spending the next 12 months traveling back and forth for a project, and am looking forward to it. It will be a lot of work, a lot of fun, and my son will join me when he can.

I thought about this blog since taking off from London, and started to write as we passed over Iceland. I stared at the screen until we got to Greenland. As we approached Canada I struggled to write because I wasn’t sure exactly what I wanted to say. After over three years of silence, I heard from the Englishman on my last night in London. He sent me a hurtful and  hateful email.

He is apparently furious I have maintained a relationship with his family, which makes no sense. As a reminder, because it’s been a while, I dated the Englishman for over a year. We merged our families and built a life together. He then unceremoniously broke up with me in a private message on Facebook and began a relationship with the woman he was cheating on me with.

The Englishman lacks decency. The woman he’s living with, the one who slept with him when she knew he was in a relationship, also lacks decency. In the end she’ll lose him the way she found him, so good luck to her. I am not bitter or harsh, but the truth certainly is. This is not only my truth, but his, which is why I presume he’s so mad. It must be exhausting to be that angry.

I am writing about the Englishman because he asked me to. He actually suggested I write about the end of our relationship, how I made it impossible for him to be my friend, how I ruined his children’s lives, how his never speaking to my son was a good idea, and how I am incapable of having a relationship. That’s a lot of blogging but I’m already bored so I'll share a few final words.

The Englishman cheated, lied, disengaged from my child, then had the balls to write an email accusing me of dumping his kids like they were nothing. He blamed me for his inability to be decent, then went on to let me know I will never have a successful relationship. The email was mean spirited and made no sense, particularly after so much time has passed. It was shocking.

His email was written for no other reason than to hurt me. I did not cheat, lie, or betray him. Ever. He mentioned in his email I wrote horrible things about him. The truth is that he should be counting his blessings I only wrote what I did. He should be sending flowers to thank me for keeping so many things quiet, instead of sending emails to provide commentary on my dating life.

I have always been respectful. I did not go to two Bar Mitzvahs because he was going. I went to his sister-in-laws 40th birthday because he wasn’t. I time visits when he isn’t there and should we end up there at the same time, I won’t stay with his family. I am decent when it comes to him and his family and I can’t help but feel sorry for him that he is harboring so much resentment.

There are no surprises in terms of his actions, but his words made me sad. For him to lash out so personally was unnecessary. I like to think people are inherently kind, but that is not the case here. He can’t handle that I am a good person and as a result his family has kept my remarkable son and me in their lives. I could bury this man under stories, but that isn't what I do.

London is my happy place and a ridiculous email from an unhappy man won’t change that. I love his family and nothing will change that either. I have survived greater things than being dumped by the Englishman. His words are lies and those involved know it. I am a lovely woman and I will find love. As for the Englishman, he needs to move on and start keeping the faith.