December 11, 2018

Real Housewives of New Jersey Week 4 Recap

Typos are lovingly provided by Jose Cuervo.

– I’m not feeling great this week

– Bullet points are happening

– Next week I’ll do a regular blog

– Jose makes me feel better

– He’s here loving on me and my liver

– Bless him

– I got distracted by the Dodgers last night

– Great game and I don’t even like baseball

– Teresa’s dad is adorable

– Teresa’s kids are entertaining

– Who doesn’t know to dry pork chops?

– Cookbooks up the wazoo and this was a surprise?

– Teresa is not a single mom

– Teresa’s mom passed a month ago

– Milania is struggling

– The girls have grown up a lot

– That kid needs her own show

– Siggy visits with Dolores

– Siggy is now good with Margaret

– Dolores doesn’t trust Margaret

– Siggy talks shit about Margaret

– Why make up then talk shit?

– Siggy is not being cool

– Dolores is pissed about all of it

– Siggy is having a party at her house

– Selling handbags like MaryKay

– Dolores will go and it will be ugly

– Melissa is painfully unappealing

– Joe Gorga is the watchable one in this couple

– Margaret and her husband are over for dinner

– They ask about how Margaret met her husband

– Why speak so lightly about an affair?

– They broke up two families

– Margaret is gross

– Melissa has a blown up book cover in her pool room

– She’s the only who read that book

– Margaret tells Melissa about meeting with Siggy

– Melissa is still mad at Siggy

– Who cares?

– Margaret needs a new lipstick color

– How do Melissa and Joe afford that house?

– Cut to Siggy and her son

– She wants to hang out with him all the time

– He is not into it

– He doesn’t get why this would hurt her

– She sounds just like me right now

– Siggy will cry in three, two, one

– I made my kid watch this

– He laughed

– They just don’t get it

– Melissa is visiting Teresa

– Melissa asks if Audriana does yoga

– Really?

– Has Melissa met these kids?

– Fake TV relationship

– Melissa tells Teresa Joe bought a restaurant

– He actually told Tre first

– Melissa doesn’t want to be in business with Teresa

– She wants everything else of hers so why not?

– Margaret runs her business out of her house

– Can she not afford office space?

– Margaret’s mom is into sex

– Bravo

– Sig invites Margaret to her party

– Margaret can’t make it

– Teresa is lunching with Danielle and Melissa

– Danielle is still talking shit about Dolores

– Danielle is a trashy fame whore

– Bless her

– Melissa wants an apology from Siggy

– Teresa is taking her kids to Puerto Rico

– Melissa gives Teresa parenting advice

– Teresa and Joe are setting up the restaurant

– This feels fake to me

– Melissa is 45 minutes late

– Teresa and Melissa are exhausting together

– Teresa will cook and Melissa will be the hostess

– Melissa won’t wait tables

– Cut to Dolores and Siggy

– Dolores is staging her boyfriend’s house to sell

– Siggy talks about the tension with her son

– Dolores gets it as they are in the same place

– I love Siggy as a mother

– Until she talks about her vag

– Creepy to reference her vag to her son’s girlfriend’s vag

– Milania is perfection

– Back to Tre, Milania gets an email from Joe

– Sweet, touching, scripted

– Time for Siggy’s party

– She’s loud, which I like, but screeches, which I don’t

– Siggy is still talking about the cake

– I want to impale myself

– I’m two shots in

– Danielle makes my teeth hurt

– Danielle tells Teresa Dolores talks shit about her

– I don’t believe it

– Not one word

– Teresa believes Danielle

– I call bullshit

– Dolores is beautiful

– Melissa arrives and Sig goes right in

– Siggy is not handling this well

– I want to shake her so she’ll stop

– Oh. My. God.

– Siggy tells her guest to shut up so she can yell

– She then humiliates Melissa to make a point

– Siggy has officially lost her mind

– This can’t be blamed on editing

– Poor girl has got to let this go

– Melissa is embarrassed

– Siggy lays on the floor

– I can’t

– It makes me sad when reality TV Jews act crazy

– I hope Sig can make this right

– Teresa tells Sig to shut up about the cake

– Dolores stands up for Siggy

– Siggy sits quietly and lets Dolores go it alone

– Not cool

– Dolores is livid and tells Teresa she has her back too

– Danielle tells Dolores she spoke shit about Tre

– Dolores denies saying it

– Dolores calls Danielle a scumbag

– Dolores tells Teresa to sleep with one eye open

– Then calls Danielle a starving, hungry, bitch

– My favorite NJ line since prostitution whore

– Coincidentally about the same girl

– Hilarious

– Danielle’s lack of eyebrows is distracting

– Dolores tells Teresa to pick a side

– Teresa doesn’t know who to believe

– Really?

– Can she seriously be that dumb?

– Danielle fake cries

– Siggy does not defend Dolores

– That is just gross

– Danielle leaves

– Teresa and Melissa leave with her

– I am over Danielle

– I believe Dolores

– I don’t like Margaret

– I think Teresa is confused

– I wonder what Melissa’s IQ is

– I hope Siggy can get it together

– I love Jose

– I’ll be back next week

– With a good old fashioned blog

– Drinking and keeping it real