November 18, 2018

Real Housewives of New York City Finale Recap

Typos are lovingly provided by Jose Cuervo.

I am sad to see this season end. It’s been funny and quick and with the exception of the train wreck called Tinsley, almost perfect. This is what we want this show to be. I have loved doing bullet points, but as promised, I will end the season with a proper full size recap. I am with my beloved Jose and we are ready to go out with a bang. By go out of course I mean the reunion will be everything. This has been the greatest season of the Housewives, of any city, since the beginning.

We start at Carole’s apartment, where Bethenny has come by for a visit. Carole is a cat lady, which makes me love her. Her apartment is painfully hot, but she can’t open the windows as she has no screens and the cats may fall out. Hilarious. Get some screens, or some air conditioning, then get another cat I say. Bethenny is selling her apartment and getting a bigger one, but there are issues. Of course there are. Bethenny thrives on the challenge.

They talk about Mexico and agree it was a wonderful vacation and they loved it. SO did we! Cut to Luann, who is playing tennis with Tom. Lu tells us she is still in the honeymoon phase and Tom brings happiness to her life. Um, ok. This is sad. It is also painfully transparent. This is cringe worthy. Luann is talking about how she made it work against what everyone said. Oh. My. God. This is too good. You cannot make this stuff up and to file for divorce before this aired is brilliant.

Important to note, while I’m thinking about it, I have nothing but love for Luann. We have all been in relationships that we saw differently than the person we were with. We have all loved people more than they loved us. We have all been so excited about falling in love that we lost sight of who we were and instead became who we wanted to be. Love is grand and it is tragic and I send my love and best wishes to Luann. You are fabulous and love will find you again. Know it.

Over to Sonja’s, Ramona has come for a visit. Frenchie is back and while I love Sonja, I just don’t get it. Tinsley has just moved out and Sonja misses her. Ramona wants to move into Sonja’s townhouse part time so she can meet someone like Tinsley and Luann did while staying there. They also speak of how great Mexico was. Then Ramona tells Sonja Tinsley is planning a party for her. Ugh.

Sonja is not buying it. Tinsley is throwing the party to make herself look better, not because she wants to thank Sonja. Tinsley is an ungrateful drunk and Sonja would be well served to blow off the party of. Sonja questions how Tinsley can afford to throw her party. Right? I love Sonja, I am repulsed by Ramona, and I think Tinsley should be a one season girl. I also do not think, under any circumstances, that Jill Zarin should be invited back.

Back to Bethenny, she is doing a hockey player. As a Canadian I can tell you they are the sexiest men alive. Know it. Dorinda comes over to visit as Bethenny is in her new apartment which is huge. Bethenny sexually harasses the guy and for that I say thank you, Great ass. We get a tour of the apartment, which is fantastic. Can’t wait to see the finished product. Bethenny has never been more appealing, even though she is occasionally unappealing. Like right now for example.

Cut to Tinsley who is loving in a hotel and planning a fake thank you party for Sonja. Ugh. Not a fan of this chick at all. Carole comes to see the hotel and re-gifts a candle she got from Dorinda. Carole is everything this season. I freaking love her. Carole loves the hotel and says Tinsley should have moved there sooner. Tinsley is back peddling on her acting like a total twat to Sonja. Not buying it. Tinsley is trying to rethink how we see her, but it ain’t happening. Still a twat.

Time for Dorinda. Mean and messy drunk Dorinda. John has come over for dinner for the first time since her daughter moved out. They are playing house and it is cute. Boring, but cute. Back to Carole, she is still dating Adam, but has his own apartment. I like Carole and I think Adam needs to wash his hair. Over to Tinsley, she is getting ready for the party. The party that makes no sense. This is all about Tinsley and nothing to do with Sonja. I smell a rat and it stinks.

Sonja is with Frenchy. Oy vey with this already.  Sonja is going to Paris to meet his parents. Who are probably the same age as her. Tinsley is taking to her new boyfriend, calls him Baby, and they say they love each other. Wow. Tinsley is faster than Luann. Sonja is not going to Tinsley’s party. I love Sonja. LOVE HER. The back and forth between Tinsley and Sonja is funny, even though I hate the back and forth thing. It is party tine and I call bullshit on the whole thing.

Tinsley bought “thank you Sonja” t-shirt. Dear Lord. This is pathetic. The party is contrived and stupid. Carole arrive with Adam in gold lame MC Hammer pants that I find oddly pretty. Scott thanks Carole for introducing him to Tinsley while Tinsley says hello to all her guests, none of whom know Sonja other than the ladies. This is a party about Tinsley, not Sonja. I hate it when these chicks think we are dumb. This is scripted bullshit, but still the best season ever. Love it

Everyone is arriving except for Sonja! We meet Tinsley’s sister Dabney, who looks just like her. Even missy, tom’s ex is invited. Then Sonja arrives looking spectacular with a massive chip on her shoulder. Sonja is on fire and Tinsley is upset. Sonja says Frenchy “tossed her like a salad” before he left for Paris. I spit out my Jose. Sorry Jose. That was just wasteful. Sonja doesn’t know why so many of Ramona’s friends are they and I am sad we only have 15 minutes left.

Ramona tells Bethenny she is lonely and it is sad. I am 51 and alone and lonely and I get it. That said, I’d rather be alone than with someone just to be with someone, so my heart feels for Ramona. Important to note that is where the comparisons to me and Ramona end. The woman is bat shit crazy. Bless her. While Luann talks to Dorinda and Bethenny, Tom flirts with his ex Missy. Dear Lord. He is a pig and Luann is blessed to be rid of him. She should keep on tucking on move on fast.

Tom takes his mic off she he can talk openly with Missy at the same time Luann is professing her love for him. I’m telling you, Luann saw this episode and filed the next day. There is no way that is not true. No. Way. Bethenny calls out Tinsley for being disingenuous. Bravo. Bethenny is firmly on Team Sonja and I am happy about that. Dear Lord. I love Bethenny. Who am I? What is happening? Too much Jose? Is the apocalypse coming? A massive earthquake? I need to lie down.

Luann’s son Noel makes an appearance and I am not going to lie, I am having cougar feels right now. He is a child, but come on. Yummy, yummy, ding dong. He looks like a Kennedy. Time for Tinsley to give a toast and a gift. She gives a lovely speech. Blah, blah, blah. Sonja is touched. Tinsley gives Sonja a framed picture of them. One where she looks phenomenal and Sonja has her head cut off. Perfection. Tinsley can try and try and try, but she’ll never fit in here. Bye now.

It has been a pleasure to blog this season. I cannot wait for the reunion. I am left with many questions, which I am sure Andy will get answered over the reunion shows. I am bummed out to be left with RHOC, which is painful to watch and impossible to blog without doing some serious liver damage. I know RHOD is starting but there is just no way. I love you people, but I’m not doing it. I am traveling next week so will get my recap of part one of the reunion up ASAP. Thanks for reading! Just like the city of NYC, I am always keeping it real!