January 21, 2019

Real Housewives of New York City Week 14 Recap

Typos are lovingly provided by Vicodin and my Dentist.

I had dental work done yesterday and fell asleep before I posted the blog. When I got up this morning, I awoke to gibberish. We can thank painkillers and my dentist. I am now watching the episode again, not quite as drugged up, but still swollen and medicated. In the interest of time I may go back and forth between a proper blog and bullet points. Note to self, no dentist on Housewive’s day

We start with Bethenny who is pulling together the Mexico trip that was cancelled last year when she was bleeding to death and homeless. She wants it to be an amazing trip that impresses the ladies and reminds them of how rich she is. Bethenny planned the tequila trip but didn’t know there was an actual place called Tequila? Ugh. I cannot stand the scripted and totally fake bullshit.

Bethenny has not yet invited Ramona, but [plans on having her come a few days later than everyone else with Luann. Cut to Ramona wo tells Luann she is not yet invited, but it is a group trip and of course she will be included. Back to Bethenny, she is with Carole, who is oddly entertaining this season. Carole and Ramona have both been contacted by Ramona, whose thirst is very real.

Bethenny is over Ramona and wants nothing to do with her. Ramona has no comprehension of what she said and thinks she didn’t do anything that was unforgiveable. Ramona is really quite dumb. Bless her. I am totally bored by this entire storyline. Ramona is going, deal with it and move on. Bethenny says Ramona can come to Mexico, but is not invited to the day in Tequila.

Meanwhile Sonja is getting a Brazilian wax. Sonja is perfection and fantastic television. She is much funnier on her own than she is with Ramona. Ramona needs to go. Ten minutes of Sonja describing her vagina is about nine and a half minutes too long. Bless her. Sonja says she misses Frenchy and I can’t help but wonder if he were in NYC would he have gone to her waxing appointment?

 Time for dinner and Dorinda arrives first with the goal of everyone finding a happy place and getting along. Carole gets there next and sits next to Dorinda, followed by the “blondes”. Tinsley next to Carole, Sonja next to Dorinda, with Ramona on her other side. Carole is setting Tinsley up on a date. Ugh. The thought of following Tinsley’s dating life is more than I can manage after a root canal.

Bethenny arrives and sits next to Tinsley, with Luann rounding it out between Bethenny and Ramona. Ramona is staring at Bethenny is totally creepy way. It is actually freaking me out. Bethenny has gotten her hair cut and has decided Ramona is invisible, just we all have. Luann is obsessed with whether or not Ramona is invited to Mexico and I think it is weird they‘re talking about Mexico.

Ramona is just sitting there and I almost feel bad for her. They talk about rooms and Bethenny says they can pull straws so there is not a situation, and Tinsley points out that Ramona and Sonja will share a room. Bethenny changes the subject because it is awkward, then Luann says she is coming for the whole trip, not just a couple days as she had told Bethenny previously. Who writes this shit?

Bethenny tells Lu she doesn’t want to talk about it in front of Ramona and Lu tells her everyone has talked about Mexico to Ramona and she is assuming she is coming, Meanwhile Ramona is still staring at Bethenny with her lithium eyes and maybe it is my painkiller, but it is totally freaking me out. Bethenny says if she comes she is not invited to the day of tequila tasting, but Luann does not like that.

Lu explains to Bethenny she can’t exclude her for an entire day, then Ramona turns to Luann Sonja and tells her Bethenny is ignoring her and not inviting her. Ramona makes my lower back spasm. Tinsley announces she is moving into a hotel for 2 months while she gets her shit together. She says she always wanted to be Eloise, but I assure you, Tinsley is not moving into The Plaza. Not buying it.

Sonja and Tinsley are doing their weird bickering thing and it is stupid. Sonja is being Sonja, but Tinsley is being a bitch. Not a fan of her at all. Plus, she speaks out of her nasal cavity, which makes my right eye twitch. This storyline is fake and stupid. Sidebar: Tinsley, needs to be a one season girl. There is simply nothing to watch with her and she is sucking the joy out of the show. Enough already.

Bethenny says she is going to talk to Ramona and for everyone at the table to ignore them. Really? They are all listening, like we are, waiting to see how it plays out. Bethenny is clearly tense and says as much, then lashes out at Tinsley for listening to the conversation happening right next to her, ON CAMERA. Dear Lord. Bethenny tells Ramona she is not happy with how she has treated her.

Bethenny gives Ramona a couple of examples of what she has said, but Ramona denies any wrong doing.  Ramona tells Bethenny she has been just as mean to her, and Bethenny invites her to give examples, which Ramona cannot do. Ramona then loses her shit and tells Bethenny she ended her marriage and lost her money after investing 30 years, and Bethenny was married 2 and has no idea about anything.

Ramona is mental. Now, there may be some truth in what she is saying, but her delivery is all wrong and painfully unfunny. Ramona yells at Bethenny to have more respect and sympathy for her, then Bethenny says she changed her mind and Ramona is actually not invited to Mexico. Oh. My. God. This is so good. Ramona tells Bethenny it is a group trip and too bad, she is coming. Ramona is not well.

Sidebar: I black out when Tinsley talks about moving out and how hard her life is. I don’t care. I don’t think her living with Sonja is real or entertaining. She is following in the footsteps of Jules and needs to walk off this show as quickly as she walked on. Seriously, am I missing something here? Does anyone think she makes sense on this show? I do not get why she is here. She is a bore.

Bethenny is so calm that I have nothing but respect for her at this exact moment. No yelling, no raised voice, just calm and facts. Everyone else is commenting on how dumb Ramona is, but poor Ramona is too dumb to get she is being dumb. It would be so great if Ramona were actually excluded from the trip. That would be a great dose of reality. Never going to happen, but a girl can dream.

  • Ramona working out is stupid
  • They are milking the Mexico storyline
  • Ramona thinks she was invited to Mexico
  • She wasn’t
  • Carole is on a double date with Tinsley
  • Adam doesn’t look good
  • Carole is cute
  • Adam doesn’t get Carole
  • She needs someone older
  • And smarter
  • Tinsley arrives to the date drunk
  • She clearly has a drinking problem
  • The date likes Tinsley
  • Tinsley is sloppy
  • She is also wearing fishnet stocking
  • Um, no
  • Honestly, Tinsley is tanked
  • She keeps talking about her ex
  • Never good
  • Carole is a great wingman
  • Tinsley is getting more wasted
  • She is slurring her words
  • She’s going in for a kiss any minute
  • Tinsley is an alcoholic
  • Yikes
  • Booze makes her feel like herself
  • Red flag
  • Carole takes Tinsley on a break
  • Oy vey
  • Poor guy on the date
  • This is sad
  • But more funny
  • Tinsley takes off her wedding ring
  • On the date!
  • I can’t
  • Tinsley is now making out with her date
  • In front of Carole and Adam

Cut to everyone packing for Mexico, which will be a shit show of reality television gold. I love this show and am surprised by how much I am digging Carole and Bethenny. I cannot wait to see the effects of tequila on this group. It is going to be a fabulous trip and I can’t wait. I will be joined next week by my boyfriend, Jose Cuervo. We will be here, getting sloshed, and keeping it real.