November 21, 2018

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Week 17 Recap

Typos are generously sponsored by Grey Goose.

It is almost over and my liver is thrilled because she isn’t sure she can handle much more Rinna. This woman is sucking all the joy out of a brilliant season and really needs to be let go. I do not have one reader who likes her. The powers that be need to listen to the people and can her boney ass. She is a loser and we are done. I’m watching from London, with a fantastic grey goose, so here we go!

We begin in Hong Kong with Rinna being a total twat. She accuses Dorit of ding coke. Really? Rinna is a miserable bitch and a sociopathic liar. It is painful but fascinating to watch. Almost as interesting as Rinna imploding, is Erika’s apparent joy in watching Dorit can ripped a new one. Erika is perhaps not as nice or mature as we had originally thought. She is not a girl’s girl and that is a shame.

Kyle and LVP, who are both fantastically likeable this season, immediately call out Rinna on her bullshit. Rinna says LVP is the queen of low blows, and Eileen jumps on that bandwagon real quick.  Rinna says she is done, but she isn’t. Dorit repeats Rinna’s Xanax joke and in retaliation Rinna calls Dorit a cokehead? Rinna is bad for this show, bad for women, and bad for Xanax. Time for her to fuck off.

Rinna calls her kid, and is hung up on. Her kids are not fans of hers, so why does Bravo think we would be? Rinna calls LVP, who tells her she was not happy with the evening before. Rinna says she meant no harm, Really? Rinna is a whack job and LVP needs to have her head chopped off. Rinna has no regrets about what she said to Dorit? I can’t. Rinna makes me drink and no good can come of that. Oy vey.

Cut to the morning and some shopping. Erika is not apologizing to Eileen for losing her shit, which is odd. They head to shopping and everyone is doing some damage. Eden buys Erika a ring and it is sweet but really weird. Erika then tells all the girls about the ring, in a not too flattering way, and it is just mean. Erika apparently does not know how to be a girlfriend, which is why she doesn’t have any.

Time to head to the local SPCA in Hong Kong to meet some of the dogs saved from Yulin. Oh. My. God. I want all of this dogs. Every single one. Sidebar: Kyle asks that the “mongrel” breed is because she’s never heard of it. Really? I can’t. I sit out my vodka on that one. Eileen wants to adopt one of the dogs but he is not available yet. This is an amazing thing LVP and Ken are doing and I want to adopt a dog!

Back to Beverly Hills, Eileen is having lunch with Erika and Kyle. It is just strange. No word about her meltdown? It should have been the first thing she said. Eileen talks about Y&R and even that doesn’t make Erika apologize. Erika is not cool for such a cool girl. Kyle jumps right in on Rinna and her behavior in Hong Kong. Whatever. Erika then apologizes to Eileen. Really? I call bullshit. This is so stupid.

We are now being asked to watch Dorit and PK have a drink? For the love of God, make this end. I really like PK, have met him and think he is quite lovely, so it is odd to see him be so unlikeable here. I’m skipping this. Erika is finally shooting Y&R. I could not possibly be less interested in this. Was Erika’s lame and late coming apology because of Y&R? Don’t know, don’t care. I have a headache.

Kyle is on set for her scripted show. Can’t do it.  Happy for her, but no. LVP’s party planner Kevin is setting up the house and he is everything. He should have his own show. Or, even better, replace Rinna with Kevin!! He hits on the horse guy and I’m dying. Who does not love this guy? LVP is perfection this season. For real. Nobody does a party like LVP and nobody can outshine Kevin. Bravo to them both

Kyle is getting dressed for LVP’s party. She grabbed an outfit from her store and it is too long so she is cutting the lace with scissors, but keeps cutting them crooked. It is funny as hell and for the first time since the show started, I see the appeal of Kyle Richards. Over to Erika and her glam squad. No. I am over her and I think the pink wig is both hideous and Katy Perry five years ago. Thirsty.

Cut to Rinna, whose daughter says she is medicated. Out of the mouths of babes. LVP looks amazing and Erika looks ridiculous Dorit looks interesting and Eileen looks dated. Rinna is hideous inside so the outside is irrelevant. That said, hideous. LVP’s home is beyond. Next week will be the end of the season and not a moment too soon as I am ready for the reunion, where everyone is forced to keep it real.