November 21, 2018

Real Housewives of Atlanta Week 18 Recap

Typos are generously provided by a grey goose.

This show is exhausting. By exhausting of course I mean the lack of storylines makes it hard to watch. There is simply nothing going on here. Truly. Nothing to see people, so why are we watching? This show does not work without Nene, so they need to get her back. Surely they can throw some money at her and get her to come back home. Call it the Real Housewives of Atlanta starring Nene Leakes if you have to, just get our girl back on!

We start with Cynthia and her bag line. Dear Lord. If the rumors are true that Cynthia is not coming back, then I say Amen.  Her daughter, who looks to be about five feet tall, is a model. Pretty girl. Sheree comes with her son Kairo and I don’t get it. Don’t get his hair and he appears to be devoid of personality. Bless him. Sheree sounds like a fool asking about press and money. Sheree needs to be quiet. She also needs to be let go. Again.

Cut to Porsha, she had drafted her own “baby-nup” for her “boyfriend”. I can’t, We’re done. I am pouring myself a drink and skipping over this idiotic bullshit. Over to Kenya and again, no. She is stunning and I love her, but no. When it comes to Matt I am not interested. Never was. Sidebar: Channel your inner Sonja Morgan and get an elevator. For real. Time for Kandi. Mamma Joyce, and the aunts. Really? For the love of God, why do we watch?

Over to Cynthia’s house with Phaedra. I’m having a shot. Phaedra’s shirt is hurting my eyes. Listening to them talk about divorce makes me want to impale myself. I am not interested in anything Cynthia says, and don’t believe anything Phaedra says, so I can skip over it. Jumping back to Porsha and her baby-nup and he’ll be out the door in three…two…one. Bravo. Porsha is mentally deficient and she needs to be let go. She is boring and frankly ridiculous.

Time for Cynthia’s fashion show because you know, she is a “designer” now. Um, no.  Kairo is late for the fashion show. Blah, blah, blah. Backpacks. We’re done here. Cut to Phaedra, who is helping an ex-employee of Kandi’s, who is going to sue Kandi. Really? Phaedra is dirty and I am skipping over this pathetic stretch of a storyline. We’re almost done, but not before Kenya has an opportunity to humiliate Matt while Matt humiliates himself. Make it end.

The dog has a birthday. Kenya is lovely, Matt is desperate. Matt is bitter. Kenya is embarrassed. They are having truck sex. Kenya wants to humiliate, not he humiliated. This is sad. Sad and gross. More gross than sad. Matt is losing control, Kenya is controlled, Matt cries, Kenya threatens. Matt wants an apology. Kenya says sorry, then walks away. walks away. Blah, blah, blah. I will be in LA next week, reunited with my beloved Jose, and keeping it real.