January 24, 2019

Real Housewives of Atlanta Week 16 Recap

Typos are generously provided by Smirnoff.

The ladies are still in Hawaii for their fake vacation and I’m laughing at the absurdity of it all. This show is stupid. Nothing is interesting or authentic. The cast is in desperate need of a shake up, but here we are, addicted to it like street crack. I am in London, I’ve got vodka, and I am going in. Unless something changes, this will be my last season blogging RHOA. I gave up on Orange County, so I know I can give up on the ATL. There is only so much abuse I can inflict on my poor liver.

Kandi is reading text messages for Porsha, proving Porsha is full of shit. Kandi is losing her mind, rightfully so. Phaedra is being ridiculous, Kenya is being lovely, Porsha is being quiet, and Cynthia is invisible. Kandi is screaming to Porsha that she is a freak whore and after two minutes in, I am about done. Everyone is faking phone calls in a desperate attempt to look like they have a storyline. Kandi calls Phaedra and tells her to keep Porsha away from her. Why is Porsha even there?

Porsha is an idiot and Phaedra is unaware of how she looks in a bathing suit. She wants us to think she is wearing a bathing suit from when she was 18 years old. I call bullshit. Phaedra un-invites Porsha, who takes it well. I wonder what life is like when you are as stupid as Porsha is. Phaedra is pathetic and I am now drinking my vodka without juice. Everyone but Porsha is going on a speedboat trip. There is no reason for these people to be together and why the hell is Peter included?

Cynthia’s tagline says she is walking alone, but here he is. Ugh. Everyone is gossiping about the night before and Phaedra continues to look like an idiot. Cynthia may sleep with Peter one more time. Whatever. Sheree and Bob are talking about their past and things get really dark, really fast. Bob is a pig and I will say now as I have the entire season, Sheree is a fool for giving this man another chance. When someone shows you who you are, believe them the first time. He is garbage. Period.

Bob makes inappropriate and disturbing remarks about abuse and Sheree starts to cry. Kenya comforts Sheree and Phaedra tells Bob to apologize. Bob is gross and watching Sheree cry is tragic. I think she really wanted to make it work and in the end was reminded who she was dealing with. Sheree has a revelation, knowing that she risks sending the wrong message to her daughters by going back with Bob. It took the poor girl a minute to see the light, but she did, so mazel tov.

Porsha is with her fake boyfriend getting a massage and I am skipping over all of that. The rest are on a speed boat ride, and I am skipping that too. Time for dinner for them and another drink for me. Phaedra says she wants to do a restoration service with the girls and I can’t. Phaedra can try to be the religious voice of reason all she wants but we are not buying it. Phaedra is a snake who dodged a bullet by not going to jail with her husband, Allegedly. I am bored and need it to end.

The come to Jesus moment is happening at midnight and Phaedra is serving crackers out of a box and wine. Oy vey. The men are at a bar chatting, but I don’t care about the men unless it is Juicy and Joe, so I’m skipping over the men. Everyone is arriving to the Jesus moment and start by gossiping because you know, Jesus likes when women gossip. Bullshit. Sheree is talking about Bob being a cheater and an abuser. Back at the bar Bob is hitting o chicks and it is not interesting.

Phaedra is leading her restoration service and I simply cannot do it. Who cares? This is week 16 and I am skipping over more than I watching, which is sad. I should be on the end of my seat not wanting it to end, but instead I am praying for it to be over. Kandi is done, Porsha lied about the shit on Kandi, talk turns to Phaedra stepping out on Apollo and that is also confirmed. Dear Lord. These chicks are messy and have far too many skeletons to be on reality TV, but the thirst is real.

Morning finally arrives and Bob has invited Sheree to a jewelry store to get her a gift. Sheree is having none of it. Sheree is crying again, Bob is oblivious, and this is just sad. Bob is laughing about what he said and with that Sheree seems to have seen the light. Time will tell, but I really hope Sheree shuts the door on Bob for real. Sheree says she dodged a bullet, but is with Bob again next week, so whatever. I might dodge this show next week because they’re not keeping it real.