November 19, 2018

Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap Catch Up – Weeks 12, 13 & 14

Typos are lovingly provided by Jose Cuervo.

Oh. My. God. I am so behind it is ridiculous. I’m not sure I have enough Jose to get me through three weeks of shows, but I’m going in, so wish me luck. Thankfully I’ve got back up vodka! I’m going to plow through it all with bullet points so I’m caught up and can write a regular recap for the show this weekend. Grab a drink, or better yet just grab a bottle, and enjoy the triple decker recap.

Week 12

– They are going “glamping”
– Dear Lord
– I’m bored already
– Porsha is in therapy
– Make it stop
– Televised therapy is bullshit
– Who hugs their therapist?
– Kenya is bitching
– Porsha is bitching
– Phaedra is stirring
– I’m done
– Cynthia is meeting with Matt
– I’m doing shots now
– Going to run out of booze fast
– Cynthia doing this is lame
– Scripted bullshit
– This is passive aggressive
– I am not watching this
– Kandi is throwing an engagement party
– For her girlfriend
– It is a white party
– Cynthia doesn’t wear white
– Marlo doesn’t wear white
– Marlo is tucking
– Sheree doesn’t wear white
– White parties are lame
– Sheree is gossiping
– These women are trashy
– Kandi is a lesbian
– Phaedra is a whore
– Shamea is a homewrecker
– I could not care any less
– Cynthia moved into her house
– Her house is gorgeous
– Cynthia is telling Kenya about Matt
– No good can come of this
– Kenya thinks Matt is a child
– Kenya sent Cynthia to talk to Matt
– That is childish
– Cynthia should abort this mission
– Kenya is pissed off at Cynthia
– I like Kenya a lot
– I don’t like Cynthia, a lot
– Kenya storms off fake crying
– It is case in point, not point in case
– Shamea forgives Porsha
– Porsha is a dumbass
– Shamea needs new friends
– How do you spell Shamea?
– Shamea calls out Porsha
– Porsha is pathological
– I’m bored
– Kenya is exhausting
– Cynthia is stupid
– Sheree is ridiculous
– Marlo is tucking
– This trip is a waste of time
– Kenya’s spread is fabulous
– Sheree’s spread is embarrassing
– I have two more weeks of Atlanta
– Lord give me strength
– Pray for my liver
– These women are rough
– I’m a little scared of them
– Time for vodka
– Porsha is mentally unstable

Week 13

– Everyone is bullying everyone
– Porsha is silly
– Marlo has gas
– Perhaps because she is tucking
– Sheree likes talking about lesbians
– I don’t think I can watch this
– Ask Marlo how she tucks
– Marlo is bitter
– Probably because she tucks
– These chicks have crazy bodies
– I love the curves
– I don’t do chicks Sheree
– Just admiring the beauty
– Fake crying is hilarious
– They are wiping away nothing
– Cynthia is not getting married again
– Phaedra is lying about Apollo
– Cynthia is painfully dumb
– They are going on the lake
– I am skipping over this
– I am also making another drink
– Sheree is nuts
– Time to jump off stuff
– No thank you
– I’m skipping the jumps
– Time for dinner
– Marlo is tucking
– Kenya apologizes to Marlo
– Marlo apologizes to Kenya
– Kenya meant it
– Marlo did not
– Marlo stirs the pot
– Probably because she is tucking
– Marlo asks Kandi if she is a lesbian
– Kandi says no
– Sheree points fingers at Porsha
– Porsha acts dumb
– Not really acting though
– Porsha is like Rinna
– Porsha and Kandi are going at it
– Kandi kept Porsha’s secrets
– Porsha is not protecting Kandi
– Phaedra is keeping quiet
– Phaedra is a lousy friend
– Kandi calls Porsha a lesbian
– This is beyond stupid
– Dinner ends with two gossiping groups
– Kandi says Porsha hit on her
– Oy vey with this shit
– I still have another week to go
– I love you Jose
– Desperately love you
– The Kandi/Porsha battle begins

Week 14

– Kandi is going home
– Separate from the group
– She’s mad about being called a lesbian
– Thou doth protest too much
– Phaedra is a horrible girl
– Everyone is gossiping on the bus
– I want to impale myself
– I need Porsha to stop talking
– Cynthia needs a golf cart for her driveway
– So does Kenya
– I’m over the lesbian storyline
– Who cares?
– God Bless lesbians
– We’re done now
– Kandi meets with her peeps
– She kisses Todd
– Desperate to prove something?
– Kandi says Porsha hit on her
– For the love of God
– Someone make this stop
– I love you Jose
– Kandi says non lesbians are “regular”
– I can’t
– I’m also getting sloshed
– This show is painful
– I love you Jose
– Kenya gifts Cynthia is vaginal rejuvenation
– Enough
– Seriously
– Enough
– I’m skipping over this
– Phaedra is told her divorce is final
– I call bullshit
– This is scripted garbage
– Phaedra wipes fake tears
– I am laughing at her
– Riley is recording a song
– I can’t
– I feel sad for this little girl
– Kandi is whoring her out for a storyline
– I’m skipping over this
– Porsha’s new house is just silly
– The kid’s rooms are creepy
– Phaedra wants to make out with Porsha
– Phaedra is lying about her divorce
– Blah, blah, blah
– I’m drinking vodka now
– Phaedra is lying
– Cynthia wants to hire Kairo for modelling
– Sheree is mental
– For real
– Porsha and Todd are fake
– They belong on Maury
– Todd will dump Porsha in a minute
– Kandi is taking on Porsha
– Porsha is ready for Kandi
– Kandi IS NOT A LESBIAN
– Okay Sweetie
– Porsha is backpedaling
– Kandi is guilty
– There is a whole lot we don’t know here
– Lots of daggers
– Lots of screaming
– Lots of threats
– Lots of booze needs to be bought by me
– Marvin?
– Really?
– Pick a better name!
– Kandi scares me a bit
– Don’t cross her
– Short and stout bitch
– Girl bye
– I need a nap

See you Sunday

I’ll be here keeping it real.