January 20, 2019

Real Housewives of Atlanta Weeks 9 & 10 Recap

Typos are generously provided by Jose Cuervo and the support of Grey Goose.

Hello! I’ve been in London for work and therefore fallen a bit behind, so I am going to bullet point the last two episodes with Jose by my side. I am also joined this evening by Captain Morgan and a grey goose. It’s going to be fast and dirty so make yourselves a drink because I’m going in. Here we go!

Week 9

– Are dogs a storyline now?
– Kenya’s dogs are cute
– Cynthia’s dog is everything
– I don’t care about Matt
– Blah, blah, blah
– Still no storylines
– Peter and Todd are hanging out
– Who the hell cares?
– Peter is getting a new car
– Small penis is my guess
– Peter invited Kenya to a party
– He did not invite Cynthia
– Kenya should have said no
– Kenya is taking Cynthia
– Cynthia is an idiot
– It must be hard to be so dumb
– Kandi needs a new decorator
– Her house hurts my eyes
– Kandi is rehashing last week
– It was boring the first time
– Porsha is moving out
– Ugh
– Porsha is moving in with her mom
– Really?
– Get an apartment!
– Porsha is also dumb
– Who told Sheree that jumpsuit works?
– Who told Sheree that wig worked?
– Who will buy Sheree’s book?
– Dear Lord make it stop
– Bedroom Kandi is fabulous
– Kandi is a money whore
– Kandi is a bitch
– Kandi has issues
– Probably from all the threesomes
– Makes a girl tired I guess
– Porsha is banging at her mom’s house
– I can’t with this storyline
– I can smell Porsha’s desperation
– Her mom can’t hear them?
– Or the camera crew?
– Whatever
– Sheree and Bob hurt my eyes
– Sheree is also dumb
– Time for Phaedra to blow smoke
– Kandi fired Johnny
– Johnny wants to sue Kandi
– Johnny goes to Phaedra
– I call bullshit
– Cynthia is crashing peter’s party
– Oh. My. God. She. Is. Dumb.
– Time for Kenya to humiliate Matt
– Kenya approves Matt going to Peter’s event
– Kenya is a dumbass
– Kenya is in an abusive relationship
– Kenya is also an abuser
– Oy vey
– Cynthia and Peter should still bone
– Cynthia tells Peter Kenya is not coming
– I’m grossed out by this whole thing
– Kenya turns up
– Of course she did
– Matt turns up
– Matt hits Kenya’s driver
– Matt is mental
– Kenya is mental
– This storyline is mental
– Peter invites Cynthia over
– She shoots him down

Week 10

– Phaedra is pretending to care
– Bless her
– Still waiting on a storyline
– Marlo has turned up
– I’m tired already
– Where the hell is Nene?
– Does Marla tuck?
– Sheree need Marlo for a story?
– Marlo now hates Kenya
– Sheree is a twat
– Kenya is out of control with Matt
– How much is he getting paid?
– Not enough to ruin his life like this
– Matt has vandalized Kenya’s home
– Cynthia is moving
– Not in with her mother
– Cynthia didn’t really get the lake house
– I knew it
– Remember when Kim Fields was on?
– Me neither
– Kenya has gone to see Phaedra
– Kenya needs to stop with Matt
– Enough already
– Kenya is squeezing out a tear
– She might pee herself
– This show is painful to watch
– Cynthia wants to move in with Kandi
– Kenya wants to move in with Kandi
– Kandi doesn’t do anything for free
– Phaedra’s pop up shop is lame
– Phaedra has no storyline
– This group scares me a little bit
– Porsha’s pixie wig is beautiful
– Cynthia is having flashbacks
– Make it stop
– Kenya fake apologizes to Marlo
– Marlo is not accepting it
– Kenya is holding her own
– Marlo is looking to rumble
– Phaedra raised $7500
– Jose hates this show
– Captain Morgan slept through it
– Grey Goose is giving me therapy
– We will see you next week
– We will be keeping it real