November 18, 2018

Real Housewives of Atlanta Week 11 Recap

Typos are lovingly provided by Jose Cuervo.

I’m going to have a shot of Jose each time Kenya talks crap about Matt. I figure I’ll be drunk in 10 minutes, which will make the show watchable. It is getting hard people. The women of Atlanta are thirsty and will drink each other’s blood for camera time. This show doesn’t work without Nene, and Nene was practically unwatchable on her last season, so that leaves me watching with Jose and praying my power goes out. It will be painful but I’m going in so you don’t have to.

Phaedra and Kenya are in Detroit for Phaedra’s camp to help kids. Phaedra is full of shit, but her desperate search for a storyline that will not show her true colors is helping the kids, so whatever. Kenya calls the camp a “prison camp” and one must wonder what it must be like to be so pretty and so stupid. Princess Kenya wants a better bed. Ugh. Phaedra has paid for 100 kids from Flint to come to camp and that is amazing. Good or Phaedra, even if she is fake as hell. Bless her.

Kenya with the kids is amazing. I love me some Kenya Moore. No lie. Back in Atlanta, Porsha out with her fake boyfriend for dinner. He is telling Porsha that his company told him he needed to break up with Porsha to keep his job. Really?  That is a lie. He could have asked her to take the offensive Instagram down. I think he is latching onto her coattails for 15 minutes. Porsha is now upset her fake boyfriend is unemployed. Dear Lord. Porsha is mentally challenged.

Kenya is preaching to the kids and I freaking love her. She is great with the kids and it makes me happy. She is telling these kids they are fabulous and telling them to twirl. It is really lovely. Back in the ATL, Kandi with her delicious baby, is having Cynthia move into her guest house. Why is she moving in? Because she was never buying a lake house. She can’t afford the house and I called it from the moment we saw it. Cynthia Bailey is the most uninteresting woman on TV.

I take it all back and I apologize to Phaedra. Listening to the kids from Flint tell their stories, and watching them cry for each other, is everything, I feel lucky to have seen these kids and I wish them well. I still think Phaedra is shady and not honest or ethical, but she did a good thing, so I applaud her. There is real pain and suffering happening in this country and for anyone to take time to shed some light on that is a blessing for all of us. Help Flint if you can. It matters.

Phaedra is back in Atlanta with her beautiful babies and Cynthia goes up for breakfast at Kandi’s with her own cereal. She gets a call from her real estate agent, telling her she actually got the lake house. Not buying it. Whatever. Bob is flirting with Sheree and I cannot believe this is her storyline. Moving into the house from 5 seasons ago, and getting back with the man who treated her like garbage? Kenya hasn’t said anything about Matt, but I’m still drunk.

Are they serious with this Bob and Sheree scene? I can’t. I won’t. Not watching it. Not doing it. Back to Porsha, she fainted because not enough blood flows to her brain. Well, that makes sense doesn’t it? Porsha says she fainted from stress, probably because her boyfriend is unemployed. Dear Lord. Make this stop. Someone? Anyone? They cannot be serious about this being the show. We waited a week for this? Porsha is being a twat and Todd is being Matt. Oy vey.

Phaedra is having everyone together for a meal. No good can come of this. These women are really loud. Phaedra says camp was such a great thing, she wants them all to go glamping. I can’t. Is every city in this franchise going to go glamping? It will never be interesting. Hey Bravo, move on. Kenya tells Porsha Phaedra told her she was in anger management and wanted to tell everyone she was doing better. Phaedra denies it, and Porsha is pissed off Phaedra said something.

Nobody wants to go glamping with her unless they know her anger is under control.  Porsha does not want to talk about it. Everyone else wants to talk about it, and it is about to get ugly.  Kenya says she is used to being with volatile people with Matt, but he is never violent, unlike Porsha. Um, I don’t; believe her. Kenya is pushing and Porsha is getting fired up. Kenya wants to know if Porsha is medicated, then Kandi tells Porsha to shut the hell up and things dissolve quickly.

Porsha gets up to leave and Kandi is going home. Kenya chases after Porsha, provoking her to get violent, and it is fascinating. Sheree tells Kenya she provokes people, Kenya wants none of it, then says Sheree is the problem. Lordy, Lordy, Lordy. Kenya says Sheree was in a violent relationship and all it does is shine light on Kenya, not Sheree. Kenya is mental, but funny. Porsha comes back and I’m rolling my eyes. I’m also making out with Jose in a real way.

Everyone leaves but Sheree, Porsha, and Phaedra stay to talk. They are talking shit about Kenya and if any of these women go camping together they’re insane. Porsha calls out Phaedra for lying and Phaedra deflects, denies, and lies. Porsha tells Phaedra that if she opens up to Kenya she is done with her. Phaedra is pathological, Porsha is ready to rumble, and I have a headache, Next week will be more of the same so I will invite Captain Morgan over to help me keep it real.