June 17, 2019

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Week 5 Recap

Typos are lovingly provided by Jose Cuervo.

I’m off to London in a couple of days so in the interest of time, and the wellbeing of my liver, I'm going to bullet point so I can finish quickly without getting drunk as I have a lot to do to prepare for my trip. Buckle up and pour yourselves a drink because Jose is by my side and we are ready for the lifestyles of the sorta rich and wannabe famous.

– Erika is still talking about the panties from Dorit
– Can’t we let this go already?
– Erika Girardi is stunning in the white suit
– Dorit is hosting a dinner
– Rinna is there in a hideous shirt
– Weird group of guests
– Rinna is out of place
– PK is doing recon for LVP
– Rinna’s fillers are hardening
– Rinna is lying about LVP
– She does not love her
– PK fancies himself a therapist
– Rinna is sharing Eileen’s story
– That is bullshit
– Rinna is desperate for a storyline
– Rinna makes me itchy
– Kyle does not match her house
– Kyle wants a LVP house
– Kyle is fake cooking
– Eileen is pretty
– I like Ashley more than Eileen
– Her husband is disconnected
– Eileen knows Rinna told her story
– Eileen is mad at Dorit not Rinna
– Oy vey
– My liver is begging for a shot
– I love you Jose
– Rinna has a big mouth
– Literally and figuratively
– Eileen is going to meet with Dorit
– No good can come of that
– LVP is out with Kyle
– We meet the new housewife
– Eden Sassoon
– I had a Sassoon haircut in my 20’s
– Love
– Kyle is having a face treatment
– Erika and Rinna are doing pilates with Eden
– Rinna has the body of a young boy
– Rinna wants us to think she knows everyone
– Poor Rinna
– Dorit’s accent makes my eye twitch
– It is too windy for them to walk
– Camille is having a thing
– She should just rejoin the cast
– Eileen is passive aggressive
– Eileen tells Dorit what Rinna said
– Rinna should’ve been there
– This is so stupid
– I’m having vodka now
– My liver is a giver
– Rinna is dirty
– Literally and figuratively is my guess
– Dorit is playing dumb
– “Playing”
– Eileen is being ridiculous
– Dorit sounds like Madonna
– When Madonna sounded stupid
– Eileen gives up on Dorit
– Two blondes don’t equal a brunette
– Rinna is licking Eden’s ass
– Eden is talking about her history
– Ugh
– Her sister passed of an overdose
– Some weird storyline is coming
– I want to impale myself
– Time for an Agency commercial
– I’m going to need a shot
– Kyle wants us to know she is happily married
– Blah, blah, blah
– Camille’s new house s beautiful
– Kelsey Grammer is a douchelord
– Camille should come back
– Erika, Dorit, and Eileen are at Camille’s
– Only blondes were invited
– Erika Is shooting a video
– Dorit thinks she is a music industry professional
– Boy George is my other boyfriend
– Dorit needs to stop talking
– Erika is lovely
– Dorit is pretentious
– Erika is tolerating Dorit
– Not for long
– Dorit is talking about being 40
– Which she has been for 5 minutes
– Eileen joins in the conversation
– Droit brings up Rinna
– Eileen was not at the dinner with Rinna
– Rinna is an idiot
– Eileen is an idiot
– Dorit may not be an idiot
– Everything leads back to LVP
– We didn’t get any good LVP this week
– Dorit is talking
– Eileen talks
– Dorit shuts up Eileen
– To be continued
– Not worth continuing
– Next week things get ugly
– I mean uglier
– I’m now tipsy
– Oy vey
– Sloshed but keeping it real