June 17, 2019

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Week 2 Recap

Typos are lovingly provided by Jose Cuervo.

We are back in the land of fake boobs, fake lips, fake friendships, and now fake accents. The most interesting thing about these women is that they are not really interesting. Don’t get me wrong, they are fun to watch, just not interesting. I’ve got Jose by my side and we're going in, but it is important to note I am not sure if I will make it through the entire season. I'm cautiously optimistic, and drunk, so time will tell.

We begin with Rinna going to work out with Kyle. Rinna calls her husband cheap, and Kyle lets us know her husband buys fancy cars to take attention away from the size of his penis. She didn’t really say that of course, but I’m sure that’s what she meant. Cut to LVP who is riding her new horse. I love how Vanderpump loves animals and I think she is her most charming and funny when speaking about animals. She then recaps last week to Ken.

Cut to Dorit and her parents. Super cute and Jewish.  We get a new Jew, which is exiting, then we hear her accent and all hope is gone. Dorit is tuning 40 and her husband PK is planning he birthday party at their house and it is a surprise. PK gives Dorit a Bentley for her birthday and it is lovely. Her accent however is putting me over the edge. It is so fake that pretension is actually dripping off her tongue. Oy vey with reality TV Jews.

Jump to Kyle and Rinna working out. I can’t. Rinna says she is not as desperate in her 50’s as she was when she was younger. Really? I can smell her desperation from here and this was filmed months ago. Over to Eileen, she is filming stuff for Y&R’s anniversary. I used to love Y&R, but I think I like Ashley more than Eileen. Moving on, it is time to watch Erika pretend she is still in her 20’s. She is auditioning dancers and I can smell her desperation too.

Time for Rinna to pretend she is raising her daughters. Dear Lord. These girls are pretty, but not a lot of personality happening here. Hadid wannabes if we are going to be honest. Why did they bring Rinna back? I don’t get it. Back to Dorit, she is talking like English Madonna and getting ready for her birthday party. Everyone arrives and there appears to be no storylines. Rinna is an idiot and LVP must stop blaming her humor on being English.

Eileen and LVP cannot stand each other, but do a Hollywood, double sided, air kiss and I want to impale myself. I get it is their job, and they need to play the game, but this is pure bullshit for the camera and we are not buying it. LVP is being dramatic and Eileen is being icy. It is a shame these two can’t be friends as I imagine there could be fun between them. LVP says sorry to have heard of the passing of Eileen’s mother. Oy vey with the editing.

Eileen still has a hard on for LVP being mean in the Hamptons and I am rolling my eyes and shooting back tequila. Move on already! It’s reality TV not a soap opera Eileen. Let it go. As for Kyle, you are not funny sweetie. Stop with the jokes. You’re embarrassing yourself. Eileen goes back to LVP to say she thought she was going to apologize for a million years ago and I am with LVP on this one. She said sorry and isn’t saying sorry again so please stop Eileen.

PK expands the party into some fun and I am happy for Dorit. I really want to like her, but the accent makes it hard. That said, I am hoping for the best. Everyone starts dancing and LVP is holding a lot of grudges. Rinna is a twat and LVP should dismiss her for good. Ugh. Rinna apologizes to LVP, who must be drunk because she buys it. LVP is talking about English humor again and I am bored. Eileen says she is going to find her husband then LVP is English again.

LVP says she saw Vinny in the corner with his head up someone's skirt. I think it is funny as hell and the only reason Eileen would be offended is if she thought it might actually be true. Lighten up everyone. PK gives a speech to his wife and it is sweet.  Sidebar: Eileen dances like Elaine on Seinfeld, which is everything. These ladies are fascinating. Not always interesting, but certainly fascinating. I am watching, laughing, drinking, blogging, and keeping it real.