November 19, 2018

Real Housewives of Atlanta Week 5 Recap

Typos are generously provided by Jose Cuervo.

I’m still waiting for a storyline that’s interesting, but am still entertained by these women. I don’t really get them, but I’m here every Sunday night with my boyfriend Jose Cuervo and our best friend, Grey Goose. Much like cheap street crack, we know nothing good can come from it, but we keep coming back for more each week.

We begin with Phaedra being a bad actress while on the phone with her mentor, and Porsha coming over for a visit. Exactly how much makeup do these women go through? Phaedra wants to “start” dating. Whatever. She is focused on her charity and I can’t help but think this is just for TV. Sorry. Not sorry. Phaedra says Apollo doesn’t want a divorce. I call bullshit. This is a desperate storyline. Bless her.

Over to Kenya, she is decorating a cake for Matt’s birthday. Cynthia is with her and this scripted crap puts me over the edge. One shot down and another one poured. Cynthia’s hair is everything, and looks much like mine on a humid day. For real. Kenya is doing a couple's thing and Cynthia feels left out because she is single. Ugh. I cannot have Cynthia sulking through the whole season. It is nauseating.

Cut to Sheree and her son. it is so fake I can hardly stand it. Her son got a DUI and it is sad and important, but again seems fake for TV. Sorry. Not sorry. I dig Sheree and hope her son heard what she was saying. I am on her side until she says Bob could help the situation. Her son is going to college so taking Bob back to help him is stupid. Sheree is rather dumb when it comes to Bob. Poor thing.

Time to look at Kandi’s restaurant and I’m bored before she says a word. Everyone is expecting Kandi to support them and it is sad. Peter comes by and I am wondering why? Who cares about him? He has the balls to say Cynthia never supported him? She is probably the only person to have ever supported him. He wants her to sell the house as part of the divorce but wants no money from it? Bullshit.

Back to Phaedra, she is at the DNC and is wearing Seinfeld’s puffy shirt in her interviews. Quick backtrack to Sheree and Bob, who are going to lecture Kairo. Ugh. We are going back and forth from Philly to DC. I hate when they do this. This is important and I’m going to comment to pay it the respect it deserves. As for Bob and Sheree, he says he understands the medicinal use of pot smoking.

Oh. My. God. This is hilarious. I cannot imagine what it feels like to have the fears an African American mother feels each and every time her child leaves home. I hope Kairo is wiser from his experience. Phaedra is heading to prison to see Apollo, while Porsha goes off to do a work thing. Something is not kosher with this Apollo storyline. He’s in prison, let him be already and find a new storyline.

Meanwhile Mama Joyce has set up a sex den for Kandi and Todd. Dear Lord. My eye is starting to twitch and the second shot is done and so am I with this scene. Cynthia has put in an offer on a house, but I’m guessing it was a fake offer and she doesn’t get it. Kenya and Cynthia are talking and Kenya is going on and on about Matt being immature. How is that good for their relationship? Kenya needs to STFU about Matt and keep this stuff to herself because it is stupid.

Watching Kandi and Todd get sexy is making my lower back hurt. I’m skipping over this. Time for the couple’s day, but Matt has bailed and Kenya brings a friend. Matt is a child and she needs to move on. Has anyone seen a storyline this season? Anyone? Hello? We're waiting. Phaedra is in the car on her way to visit Apollo and gets a call from her office. She isn’t driving but tells the driver to pull over.

She clearly knew about the call, probably because it was planted. We don’t know what the call is about yet, but it is something “shocking” and we can clearly tell it is fake. Apollo calls Phaedra from prison and it all seems weird. Why would he call her if she is on the way? Ugh. Hard to know what is going on here but it is sad for the kids. In my opinion Atlanta is fun to watch, but nobody is keeping it real.