June 16, 2019

Real Housewives of Atlanta Week 2 Recap

Typos are generously provided by Jose Cuervo.

These women are interesting and scary. They intimidate me. Which is hilarious because these bitches have more bark than bite. Bless them. I love this show and think Sheree is such good TV I’m wondering Nene who? We are still at Kenya’s party and Sheree’s reaction and Porsha coming with Phaedra is everything. Jose and me are going in!

Kenya sees Porsha and makes a b-line for her and takes her outside to say she wasn't invited and should leave. Porsha channels her anger management training and leaves quietly. They wasted all that hair and make-up for 5 minutes. Sheree runs after them to get the gossip. Translation: She could not get out of that party fast enough.

This party is a dud and everyone looks bored. Matt walks in and it is so funny I am laughing out loud. Kenya and Matt broke up, he was violent, and her reaction is nothing. Absolutely nothing. I call bullshit and am pouring another drink. Matt reads from the script that clearly Kenya wrote, and all I can do is wish these crazy kids well.

Cut to Cynthia and I just can’t. She is the most boring woman on television and so I'm going to fold laundry and be back when she’s done fake crying. Sniff all you want Cynthia but if there are no tears, it is not crying. Cut to Kandi who is going to use her baby to make money. Dear Lord. The whoring of babies for money is fascinating.

Mama Joyce comes over and I wonder what they're smoking in Atlanta for them to believe we think this is reality and not scripted garbage. They're talking about their restaurant that is still not open, and Mama Joyce is talking shit about everyone. Joyce is embarrassing so I;m going to empty my dishwasher because I’m officially bored.

Jump to Phaedra and Kenya having lunch. Kenya starts by saying she and Matt are doing great. Really? She just told him she’s not sure she can trust him but they're doing great?  Phaedra says she's not rushing into a relationship. Just like Kenya, I call bullshit. She is being serviced. Trust and believe says Kenya.

We're going back and forth from Kenya and Phaedra to Sheree and Porsha. Porsha is having an event to let the girls know she is a changed woman. Blah, blah, blah. Back to Kandi they are looking at their restaurant, which is currently nothing, and I cannot believe we are still talking about this years later. No storylines here at all.

Back to Kenya, she is with Cynthia and Kandi getting waxed. I can’t. Sheree is talking shit about Kenya’s home. This fight bas been years in the making and we lost interest a long time ago. Just when I think I could not be less invested in this episode, it is time to sit down with Peter and Cynthia. This couple never made any sense.

Cynthia is ready to get things done but Peter isn't. Why would they allow this to be filmed? The marriage has been over since the wedding so why the dramatics and fake crying? I want to impale myself. Peter calls Cynthia’s lawyer on camera and tells him he will sign the papers. Ugh. Two weeks and still no storyline in sight. Oy vey.

Time for Porsha’s event. Phaedra arrives first, then Kandi, but they’re not speaking. Sheree arrives with new hair, followed by Porsha, Cynthia, and Kenya. They were clearly all there together and came in when directed to. They are doing some escape room thing. Really? These women are so dumb they'll be lost for a long time.

Kenya, Cynthia, and Porsha are on one team, Sheree Kandi, and Phaedra on the other. This is a cute idea wasted on this group. Kenya pulls Sheree away to ask about the shit she's been talking and Sheree is looking for a fight. Bottom line: Sheree is clearly annoyed Kenya’s house is farther along than hers and wants revenge of some kind.

Used to be this show was a sleeper without Nene, but that is now true of Sheree. Sheree calls Kenya a bitch, Kenya calls her a ho, then Kenya says she’s dealing with an aggressive man in Matt and won’t let another man get aggressive. Perfection. I was bored but the last 2 minutes were divine because it was keeping it real.