June 19, 2019

Real Housewives of Atlanta Week 1 Recap

Typos are generously provided by Grey Goose.

I am fascinated by this group of women. I have often written that I don’t think this show works without Nene, but it would appear it does not need a Nene when it has a Sheree. Sheree is back and she is entertaining to no end. Bless her. I am invested and look forward to blogging this season. I have selected Grey Goose as my writing companion and we are ready to roll.

We have new taglines!

Phaedra: You can’t always get what you want, but I can.
This woman is delusional.

Porsha: I am too blessed to be stressed, and too sexy to be thirsty.
This woman is delusional.

Cynthia: Life is a runway and Cynthia Bailey is ready to walk it alone.
I’m bored of her already.

Kandi: Now that I’ve got my Ace, I’ve got a full house.
I don’t get this chick. Never have.

Kenya: I give the people what they want and they always want Moore.
This woman is delusional.

Sheree: Don’t call it a comeback, call it a takeover.
It is too early to tell what it is, but I’m glad she’s back,

We start with Kandi, who introduces us to her baby boy Ace. He is perfection. This is one divine little baby. He is five months old and she puts him on the toilet to get used to it. Really? She is potty training her infant son? This is mental and I think Kandi should be embarrassed to be showing her crazy this early in the game. This is simply strange.

Over to Kenya, she is living in her new house, which is not even close to being done. Bless her.  It is a construction site, not a home, but poor girl can; afford to keep both places so she has moved in. It is a nice house, but it is not ready to be lived in. I am a fan of Kenya and all her madness. She has broken up with Matt because he has anger issues.

Over to Chateau Sheree. It is gorgeous and Sheree is hilarious. Her interior designer is easy to look at, so hopefully he’ll be around. The house is ready to be decorated. Mazel on getting it done in 6 short years. She is friends with her ex Bob, but they are not romantically involved. I’m not buying it, but she’ll tell us when she is ready. Her kids are grown and beautiful.

Cut to Phaedra who’s kids are beautiful, but she is full of shit. I find it hard to believe anything she says. Maybe it is because she is a lawyer, or maybe it is because she is a pathological liar, but either way she is not authentic at all about anything. Her divorce is about to be finalized and she is ready to get laid. By ready of course we know she has been banging. Come on now.

Porsha has come to visit. Phaedra receives an invitation to Kenya’s construction site opening and Porsha is certain she is not invited. Phaedra asks her to be her date and it is on. Let the entertainment begin. We make a quick stop to see Cynthia who is getting a divorce. Dear Lord. Peter was an asshole and Cynthia is a complete bore. Nothing to see here folks.

Back with Porsha, she is going to anger management and I just can’t. I think televising therapy is gross and unethical. Porsha says she was bullied as a kid and wanted to kill herself. Really? I am sorry for any child who feels this way, but I call bullshit. Porsha is fake crying and this is stupid. I am no longer watching Porsha in therapy. She is transparent and pathetic.

Kenya calls Sheree and invites her to her construction site party. These two are going to be the highlights of the entire season. Back to Cynthia, she is talking about her divorce and I want to pull my hair out. Blah, blah, blah. She video chats Peter and he says he has not seen her in three months. Cynthia is dumb and her marriage never worked.

I am going to skip over everything Cynthia from this moment on. She is putting me to sleep. Every time they show Cynthia I am doing a shot of vodka. And so it is written, and so it shall be. Cheers! Back to Kenya, it is the say of her construction site party and her house is not ready for a party. It is not even ready for mail delivery, so I have no idea what she is doing.

Kenya’s home is beautiful. Not done, but beautiful. Kenya is fake crying about Matt. Bless her for thinking she is a good enough actress to pull this off.  Sheree arrives and the shade is being thrown all over the place. Sheree is having a hot flash as Kenya’s walks into the party.  Kenya is taking about not inviting Porsha as Porsha is on her way to the party with Phaedra.

Kandi arrive and they get a little tour. Everyone is sweating and getting dirty and the poor dogs are locked up and it is a sad mess. Sheree’s reaction to Porsha arriving to Kenya’s is EVERYTHING. I love this show and I am in. It will be easier to say goodbye to New Jersey now that we have the ladies of Atlanta back. These women are masters of keeping it real.