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Reflections on An Unplanned Journey: Don’t Go Alone

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September 14, 2015

As I have previously said, parenting a child with a serious disability or who has other special needs is like an unplanned journey. You never expected to end up in this particular location, didn’t really pack right for the trip, and brought along a guidebook for a different, expected destination. But, don’t overlook the power of your traveling companions.

We recently saw a new British film, “ A Brilliant Young Mind” about Nathan Ellis, a teen on the autism spectrum who is a whiz at math, and with the help of a teacher/mentor who is also a math genius (although he has his own inner demons and chronic illness) Nathan competes for a spot in the elite International Mathematics Olympiad.  After the (spoiler alert) death of his father in a car crash, Nathan’s mother is left on her own with Nathan, and although loving and caring, she just isn’t able to connect with him in the same way as the dad did.

By showing highly-ritualized behavior and the downside of having a teen who always says what he is thinking without any filters, the film provides a bit of a realistic window into the everyday challenges of raising a child or teen with autism, but the Mother/son duo are depicted as completely alone, isolated in their suburban working-class neighborhood with identical track homes. Whenever I watch this type of isolation in a movie, I can’t help myself from thinking like a nonprofit community professional:  Aren’t there any grandparents, aunts or uncles? Why don’t they have some support through their church or other local community groups? Why doesn’t Nathan have some other teens he can talk to in a Social Skills program?

Of course, all of that outside support for the Mother/Son would lessen the dramatic arc of the film, but for real families, knowing and connecting to others in a similar situation is crucial to reducing isolation and increasing mental well being. Although nothing beats face-to-face encounters and events, social media such as Facebook and Twitter can also help fill the gaps of modern life. With all the many options that now exist to find support and solace with other parents, no mother should find herself alone on that unplanned journey.

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