fbpx

Dracula – Not Jewish – A poem for Acharei Mot

[additional-authors]
May 6, 2016

It’s amazing we invented the concept
of the scapegoat, only to have it used against us
during the second war to end all wars.

And one can’t help but feel bad for the goat
both of them really. One to be sacrificed
the other to be sent off into the desert.

Who decides?
What did either of these goats do?
What did any of us do?

And then there’s the story of the holiest
spot there is, and most of us can never go there.
Just the one person, on the one day,

dressed in white
(don’t worry, it’s ages before Labor Day)
enters through a cloud of smoke.

Apologizes for everything everyone has done.
It’s the ultimate backstage pass.
I guess if someone is willing to

take responsibility for all my sins
I’ll find other places to be holy.
I think it was Han Solo who

famously said “It’s not my fault.”
Honestly, I have nothing else to say about that
I just think it’s important to mention

Han Solo periodically.
And speaking of famous people.
This is the parsha that proves definitively

that Dracula could not be Jewish.
Don’t drink blood. Cover it with dust.
I’m sorry, Vlad, you are not one of us.

And if you ever needed a list of
who not to sleep with, or more specifically
whose nakedness not to uncover

may I suggest Leviticus chapter 18?
This is the one that fuels the fire of the
homophobes. But the text isn’t as specific

as they would have you believe.
Let’s eliminate the prefixes from the word
leaving only sexuality.

I took French in high school
where the word mot means “word.”
Here it means “death.”

Sometimes I
just want to be
in Paris.

Did you enjoy this article?
You'll love our roundtable.

Editor's Picks

Latest Articles

Print Issue: Got College? | Mar 29, 2024

With the alarming rise in antisemitism across many college campuses, choosing where to apply has become more complicated for Jewish high school seniors. Some are even looking at Israel.

More news and opinions than at a
Shabbat dinner, right in your inbox.

More news and opinions than at a Shabbat dinner, right in your inbox.

More news and opinions than at a Shabbat dinner, right in your inbox.