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May 19, 2015

This has been the year of getting happy. There's the “Happy” song (playing nonstop), The Happiness Project bestseller (promoted nonstop), and an ever-expanding army of “happy self-talk” proselytizers—both licensed therapists and self-deputized Pollyannas who've dedicated their lives to sharing unwarranted joy. While we may be a nation that's codified “the pursuit of happiness” as a god-given right, it seems of late that “right” has turned into a direct imperative. Many new bloggers, both young and old, now share their breakout journeys from standard, stress-inducing jobs to lives of joyous self-fulfillment—all thanks to their newly discovered happiness gene. Wherever you stand in life, non-stop daily happiness has become the ultimate reason for living.

There always were some “drop-out,” Walden Pond-inspired, back-to-nature types . . . in fact, there were many back in the 1960s. So it should come as no surprise that their philosophy of rejecting 9-to-5 values for a return-to-the-earth and more natural lifestyles should have followers today. If heading out to plow your field and feed chickens in the morning makes you happier than answering the early bell at the New York Stock Exchange, then goody for you. There's nothing inherently wrong with sharing your experiences online with the like-minded or simply curious.

Similarly, if you've reached a point in life where you can actually create that fantasy organic vitamin shop and cafe where customers are treated like old friends and receive weekly “happy” sermon emails touting your latest guru discovery—and there's never a dearth of those—then go for it! The option to read, or not—or even subscribe to your missives—is up to the individual recipient. And many less-than-happy “searching” souls surely find comfort and inspiration in such ongoing encouragements.

But when serious, experienced journalists find the need to recast themselves as “fun girl correspondents” in order to, once again, be taken seriously, and even established psychologists work on fostering a more happy outlook before probing, and helping, patients come to terms with real reasons for distress, I'd say the happiness pendulum has swung too far. It's even taken over organized religion. The happiness-monger who recently held a workshop at my local (aforementioned) organic vitamin shop/cafe had also been invited to share her, “The Science of Happiness,” lecture at Temple during the High Holidays. Yes, those Jewish holidays—heretofore characterized as rather terrifying pre-judgment “Days of Atonement” or, at the very least, a season for sober reflection.

It would almost seem as if the danger of a single unhappy thought is so great, all the forces around us have joined to keep it at bay. Further examples: The proliferation of emails (today's letters), both personal and business, where happy-face icons and “keep smiling” have replaced more thoughtful parting expressions such as “Sincerely” and “Yours truly.” One can hardly enter a store or bank these days without being accosted by a designated door-watcher's forced smile and chirpy “Good morning!/afternoon!” And who wouldn't want to permanently shut down Walgreen's new loudspeaker-loop welcoming us to “the corner of happy and healthy”?

Life has always been comprised of light and dark, good and evil, happiness and sorrow. Being able to acknowledge and experience a full range of emotions is what makes us human. It also conditions us to be sensitive to the suffering of others. The clinically depressed cannot be helped by fatuous “chin up” and “look at the bright side” admonishments. But even those who are not clinically wounded but simply suffering from grief and/or setbacks of any kind are better off being allowed private time to wallow and come to terms with their misfortune. Often only through admitting and experiencing pain can we discover our innate capacity for perseverance, and the personal strength that comes from having survived a great sadness.

When my daughter, Alison, was an elementary-school student, I tried my best to insure her days were happy—even if that meant frequent teacher and school changes to keep bullies and boredom at bay. It worked for a while, and she thrived. Parents and teachers let me know, in no uncertain terms, that they'd never seen so happy a child. Other than the much-mourned demise of a pet parakeet, her life appeared trauma free.

But then came the inevitable growing pains of middle school, the insecurities of adolescence, boyfriend issues, unanticipated deaths of dear friends from sickness, overdose, suicide. Possessing a true and sensitive heart went from being a rare blessing to a curse, and I could no longer inoculate my child from the harsh realities of living in the 21st century.

Apparently many of her friends, in attempting to raise her spirits, quoted the pablum served by today's happiness handbooks. Alison's repudiation was immediate; her position lying squarely in the camp of those who feel people need to experience their pain. For it is only by sinking deep into misery at a loss or disappointment that one retains the emotional capacity to rise to heights of exhilaration when things go right. She recently posted a Taylor Swift interview on Facebook that had shocked the paparazzi when the popular young singer admitted to rarely feeling happy. Alison defended her point of view, stating:

“You can't know ecstasy without agony. It's like ying-yang . . . you can't be happy all the time, and true joy IS rare and hard to come by. Taylor answered the question with honesty and refreshing candor . . . I hate how we are in this stupid, quick fix, must-be-happy-or-fake-it era. True artists are the ones who paint the sorrow along with the good. Take Vincent van Gogh or Michelangelo, for example. Tortured? Most definitely. Genius? Proven.”

© 2014 Mindy Leaf

Follow Mindy's weekly essays of biting social commentary at ” target=”_blank”>http://askmamaglass.wordpress.com

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