Real Housewives of New York City: The Collapse of Sonja Morgan

It’s another Thursday night in New York City and as I sit down to watch the train wreck, I am wishing I did drugs.  Nothing too heavy, just enough to take the edge off of this show.  I could argue that I am already doing crack just by watching, but still, you need a little something to get through it most weeks.  I’ve poured a glass of wine and buckled up, so here we go.

We start with Sonja and Ramona shopping for clothes for a burlesque themed party that Sonja is throwing.  She tells us she is a supporter of the arts and she likes to throw parties.  Sidebar:  For someone who is going through a very public bankruptcy, how is it that she is throwing another party?  Sonja is letting loose more than being a patron of the arts.

If I were Sonja I would be more focused on how I am being portrayed on television because if I were her ex-husband, I would want my kid out of her care.  From what we are seeing, she is clearly suffering some kind of mental breakdown and I would not want my 10 year old daughter in that environment. She appears to be more whorey than mommy.

Avery is with them and she is mortified to be looking for lingerie with her mom.  She enjoys reminding her mother how old she is.  She has never been in the show a lot but is popping up quite a bit this season.  I’m thinking it’s because Ramona felt she needed the back up since we all think she is a raging alcoholic who is being cheated on by her husband.

There is a great tranny helping Sonja with eyelashes and Ramona immediately gets uncomfortable.  Ramona is homophobic, and watching Sonja charge her purchase is sad.  Sonja is unstable and Ramona needs to spend a couple of hours trapped in an elevator with a bottle of pinot and a fabulous transsexual to get over her fear.  I’d like to be there too.

We then head over to Jill who is with Ginger and heading to see Ali, by train, at school.  She is bundled up, with perfect hair and makeup, and an array of bags, schlepping onto the train and I love her.  No car service, just a train ticket and a scooped out bagel.  I dig this chick and the more I like her, the more I think Bethenny is ungrateful and delusional.

Jill gets to Ali and they head out for lunch.  Ali is explaining that she is a vegetarian.  A vegetarian who happens to eat chicken and white meat turkey. Right.  It’s so ridiculous that it’s cute.  As they walk into the restaurant, Jill tells her to ask the server if you can be a vegetarian and eat chicken.  I love it that she tells Ali to get a second opinion.  Hilarious.

Ali looks pretty.  She is telling her mom about her classes and Jill is getting the mother of a teenager eye twitch.  Ali is explaining a sex class she takes and the twitch begins.  Ali tells her she wants to be a sex columnist and Jill tells her she wants her to be happy, and then tells us she does not want her to be a sex columnist.  Love it that her instinct is to not squash Ali’s dream.

Sidebar:  We all know I think Bethenny Frankel is a liar who is taking advantage of young dumb girls by selling them loads of crap, and she got famous because of Jill.  It’s a shame her ego is so big because the best thing she could of done for her little girl was to have a relationship with Jill and learn from her as a mother. Karma is circling back on that one.

Jill and Ali go shopping and it’s fabulous.  Ali tries stuff on while Jill sits and tells her if it’s good or horrible.  It’s quite funny and reminds me of both me and my mother, and me and my son.  They are fun.  We then head over to LuAnn who is giving Victoria a driving lesson.  I like her too.  She is a fun mom and seems to be in tune with her kids.

Some think she is phony and pretentious, putting on an act for the cameras, but at the end of the day her kids love her, and she has a respect for them that I think is appealing and authentic.  She laughs with her kids, and her desire to be both a friend and a mother is something we all strive for.  She’s doing great, particularly after such a rough year.

Important to note that we are at minute 16 and have not seen Alex or Simon and it is glorious.  Proof that those two parasites do not need to come back as they add nothing to this show.  Avery meets Ramona for lunch and it’s awkward.  Ramona is very competitive with her daughter and it’s gross.  She has to one up her on every single thing the poor girl says.

If Avery has a headache, Ramona has a brain tumor.  If Avery has a stomachache, Ramona has an ulcer.  Avery is busy, but Ramona is busier. It’s disgusting.  Avery airs a bunch of dirty laundry about her parents and rather than respond to it, Ramona tells us that her teenager is hormonal.  Ramona is so selfish that’s its entertaining.  To everyone but Avery I’m sure.

Avery tells us Ramona and Mario are never home, never tell her where they are, and apparently do not make arrangements for her to have dinner as she is waiting for them at 9:30 having not eaten.  Ramona tries to look like she gives a crap and brings out a folder marked Avery as if parenting her daughter is another project like wine or jewelry.

She says she knows Avery is taking exams, but Avery tells her the exams are already done and she got her marks already.  Ramona is so busy with Ramona, she did not know the PSAT tests were done already?  Ramona needs to stay home more and Mario needs to stop banging other chicks and spend time with his daughter.  These two suck.

Avery writes a paper for school about her mom and reads it on camera. Really?  Avery is securing her trust fund because all implications would be that se has no relationship with her mother.  In fact, she just told us that point blank.  Ramona is in recovery mode and perhaps trying to establish their relationship so she can dump Mario the dog.

Sonja is trying on costumes for her party and I want to scream.  She is pathetic and seriously not thinking about her kid.  She looks like a whore, who is high, and talks about all the money she is dropping on clothes when she is in the middle of a bankruptcy.  She even tells us she is trying on the lingerie in front of her 10 year old.  Why is nobody helping her?

Sonja needs an intervention and rather than focus on being a whore to get attention and feel good about herself, she needs to shut up and pray her kid never sees this show.  Ramona shows up and reminds us she is homophobic, meanwhile seeing Sonja at home is a train wreck.  She is going to lose her kid and she will have only herself to blame.

Kelly and LuAnn are out for a drink.  LuAnn is happy in her relationship and Kelly is looking for one.  Kelly is sweet but has a level of immaturity that I don’t get. She is a little odd when it comes to men, dating, and love.  I like her though, and hope she meets someone great.  She’s had a tough time and needs to meet someone fabulous.  She is kooky, and kooky is good.

LuAnn tells her a story about when she met Prince William and he shook her hand.  Great story but unless I see a pic, I’m not buying it.  LuAnn is fabulous and does not need to take us down memory lane of her time as a Countess. We don’t care and it rings not as pretentious, but simply as a lie.  I’m not buying it, but I like her, and she needs to cut the stories.

Sonja’s dog pees on the floor and her friend tells us she pees on herself all the time.  Classy.  LuAnn goes to hear her new song with creepy music guy who thinks she sounds like Mariah Carey.  He’s either high, learning impaired or deaf.  Jill comes to hear Chic C’est la Vie for the first time.  Jill takes credit for LuAnn’s singing success, which I love.

Jill is giving input on the song and it’s hilarious.  Record guy is about to have his head explode from Jill’s input.  Poor Jill.  She really does want to help people and there is nothing malicious.  I would rather be friends with Jill than Bethenny.  That said, thinking you know these people and could be their friends based on this show, is crazy talk.

It’s time for Sonja’s party and Mario arrives looking like a pimp. Brian the artist is there and it would appear he plays for both teams.  Mario is drooling over all the boobs.  It’s now 44 minutes in and we finally see Alex and Simon.  Just when I was starting to enjoy myself, I now want to hurl.  LuAnn and Jacques are there, not in costume, which is better.

In the middle of the party Simon decides to talk to Jill and goes to Alex to wish him luck.  Dear Lord.  Simon is a pig, his wife is pathetic, and seeing them makes me sick.  Why Bravo?  Why?  Poor Jill is again accosted at a party and it’s lame.  Kelly is talking to Jill and when Simon approaches her, Jill walks away which is awesome, then Bobby steps in.

I love Bobby Zarin.  Love him.  Simon goes to Jill again and Bobby mediates the conversation.  He does not leave Jill’s side while Simon is talking to her and I think it’s so romantic.  I want a Bobby Zarin.  Simon tells her he is sorry and gets all weepy.  He says he is going to stop and wants to move forward.  He is a lying sack of crap.

Jill feels the need to defend herself to the camera and tell us again she has changed which is just sad to me.  We like you Jill.  Changed or not, does not matter.  We see you, and it’s all good.  This show has crushed her spirit and that’s a drag.  Cindy turns up, late like she always does, but in time for Sonja’s show which is about to begin.

Sonja tells us she has royalty at her party and it was serious, yet she is hammered and makes a fool out of herself.  I like burlesque and think it’s sexy.  The real dancer was fabulous, then it was Sonja’s turn and my eyes started bleeding.  Sonja was ridiculous and it was more sad and pathetic than entertaining.  Bravo is not helping her, which is unfortunate.

I want Jill to stop defending herself, Sonja to get help, Kelly to get swept off her feet, LuAnn to convert and marry Jacques, Ramona to dump Mario, Alex to get fired, and Cindy to show some interest in even being on this show.  I also want Andy Cohen to get some balls and fix what he has broken.  Andy should give me a call so I can remind him how to keep it real.