Real Housewives of NYC: Sweet 16, Drag Queen & Some Teenage Jew Hating

We start this week’s addictive train wreck with Ramona, who is planning Avery’s Sweet 16 party.  Avery is a beautiful girl but one immediately wonders why, with all the money spent on a private school education, she says “like” every other word, making her sound like an idiot.

Over to LuAnn, she is planning Victoria’s Sweet 16.  Countless tells us that she did not have a Sweet 16 herself and is vicariously living through her daughter.  She also makes a point to tell us how grateful Victoria is.  I like LuAnn and immediately think her party will be better.

Back to Ramona, we find out she didn’t have one either, but lovely Avery starts yelling at her mother, talking to her like she is an idiot, in front of the party planners.  Nice.  Victoria on the other hand, is mellow and classy, although it seems that maybe she would have preferred a Hampton’s party.

Avery is listening to the ideas of the party planner and she is pissed off. The planner is making suggestions and Avery looks like she is going to pull a Carrie prom meltdown and start closing doors with her eyes and killing people.  She says the planner’s idea sound like a Bat Mitzvah.

One could argue she is simply stating she does not want it to be a young kid’s party because she is not 13.  Or,  one could take a big juicy leap and say the daughter of the “True Faith” moneymaking machine is not going to be embarrassed by stupid Jewish crap.

Judging by Ramona’s reaction it’s hard to tell.  She looks like she could have been embarrassed by Avery’s comment, of perhaps it was a look of approval and she was not going to approve any kind of a Jew vibe either.  At the end of the day who cares?  This show is insane and I love it.

LuAnn is sweet with Victoria and Victoria is simply a lovely girl.  It’s probably all the drugs of the privileged.  Avery is being a complete bitch and I can smell how ungrateful she is through the television.  Enough with the party for now, let’s go over to Jill who is having a “liquid face lift”.

Sonja joins in to see the procedure happen, which is odd, but the true reason she is invited is so Jill, who has her attorney sister there, thinks she can help Sonja with her bankruptcy issues.  A lot of people don’t like Jill but I do.  She is the most authentic one of the bunch.

Sonja is telling Jill and Lisa what happened and they are very supportive of her, not judgmental.  They are good people and are simply trying to help Sonja who is so painfully stupid that I feel for her.  She needs a real lawyer and Jill was kind.  I hope Sonja listens but I’m thinking she won’t.

Jill is having her procedure and I want to be sick.  It looks painful and horrible and I’m quite certain that I could never do it.  Seriously.  As we are watching this weeks show, the ladies are with Andy taping the reunion show and the tweets are interesting.  There are clearly two camps.

It’s Jill’s birthday and LuAnn is throwing her a surprise party. Cindy is there with her hot brother, along with Ramona and Mario.  Then we see Alex and Simon.  The sight of them makes me sick and I start laughing at them.  Simon is wearing a dress that I simply do not understand.

Sidebar:  The last time we saw LuAnn and Alex together, LuAnn was attacked by Alex and walked out, yet Alex walks in they do the double kiss, happy to see each other.  Really?  This show is scripted and needs a new writer who is better with continuity, and will write out Alex.

Ramona finds out Avery’s party is the same night at Victoria’s.  Ramona is crazy.  She is immediately in a competition and tries to one up LuAnn.  Luann tells her the party is small and Ramona tells her Avery has over 200 friends.  No she doesn’t Ramona.  Shut up.

Everyone arrives just in time for Jill to be surprised.  LuAnn worked hard to let Bravo work hard to pull off this party and the second Jill walks in Ramona runs over as if it was her doing.  Ramona is a drunk and I love her.  By love her of course I mean her husband is cheating.

I don’t love Ramona but I do think she is great television.  If you need proof this show is completely fake, Jill says, of her “surprise”, she was shocked to see everyone at the party and she was choked up, but she expected no less from LuAnn.  Really?  A surprise?

Jill is excited and Ramona immediately tells the cameras the party sucked.  It was claustrophobic and she never would have done it there.  Have a drink Ramona.  The housewives get up to toast Jill and it’s just weird.  Kelly is not talking about Jill, but her being late. 

Bobby loves Jill and tells her.  Ramona is on her cell phone and it’s rude. She then puts on a red wig and starts being an ass. Alex stands up to point attention to the ass.  Then Luann comes down to do a performance and Ramona thinks it’s a drag queen.

LuAnn’s performance is fabulous.  LuAnn can’t sing but she really believes she can, which makes her entertaining and almost good.  The editing on this show sucks.  They appear to be jumping all over the place in terms of where people are and what they say.

The party is over and we are back to being Sweet 16.  Victoria is shopping for a dress and LuAnn is gently guiding her.  Victoria picks her dress and it’s very pretty.  LuAnn let’s her have what she wants but is concerned with the length.  I totally dig LuAnn.

We are over at Alex and Simone’s and he is going to quit smoking.  Again.  Simon is repulsive.  I’m sure he is lovely, but not to me.  By lovely of course I mean creepy.  They have a hypnotherapist over to help him stop with the cigarettes. 

It’s funny because the guy is there to help him stop and he says he needs to smoke one more because it’s part of his quitting process.  Enough with these two.  They are ruining the fun of this show with their boring storyline and Alex is a horrible actress.

Avery arrives at her party and she loves it.  Ramona is worried about the décor as there are beds and Mario is conservative.  Is he conservative when he sleeps with her friends?  These people are showing what they are told to show and all reality is gone.

Victoria’s party has all her friends with a few adults sprinkled in.  It is one party.  Ramona’s is two parties, one for Avery and one for Ramona.  I feel bad for Avery and now I understand her saying like is a nervous stutter from having to compete with her mom.

All the ladies visit both parties, except for Sonja who blows off LuAnn.  Ramona remembered to get lots of wine for her party, but failed to get napkins.  Ramona is certain she did not create a club because that would send mixed messages to her underage child.

The fact that there is booze, and beds, is not mixed messages?  Avery is upset her mom is invading her space and it’s sad.  Ramona is out of control and we are reminded Kelly is ballsy and Jill is authentic, while Ramona is fake and Sonja is a hot mess.

Bobby talks to Simon about what I am guessing is Lynn Hudson’s “I hate Jill Zarin” blog and Simon says he has nothing to do with it which we know is not true.  Lynn Hudson is a cyber bully who lives in a delusional world where she thinks she is friends with the ladies.

The more we see this show the more we see there are good, bad, and ugly.  Jill is good, Ramona is bad, and Alex is ugly.  This show needs a kick in the ass.  Get rid of Alex, focus more on Cindy, and get Sonja laid so she is not so bitchy.  Maybe all that can keep it real.