The Bachelorette Drives Me to Drink, But Bentley is Coming Back!

We start our painful two hours with Chris Harrison reminding us Ashley is serious about finding love, and that he is the most useless man on television.  He tells the guys they going to Thailand. Their excitement at the trip is much bigger than finding out who the bachelorette was.

We see Ashley on the beach and she is telling us she really misses Bentley and wishes he was with her.  I swear, this chick is a lunatic and why they picked her will never make sense to me.  Her laugh is nails on a chalkboard and my new thing is to watch it muted with subtitles.

She is going on and on about how she needs to open her heart to love, and all I can think about is what a drag it is that Bentley left, and how many glasses of wine I will need to get through the show.  Glass one is poured, and hopefully will not impair my reading the subtitles.

Constantine gets the first private date that Ashley is trying to tell us she planned all by herself.  Dear Lord it’s going to be a long night.  Their boat trip is cancelled due to weather so they walk around the city.  It’s a gorgeous place but I am distracted by how bowlegged Ashley is.

They are having a beer and Ashley is once again picking her teeth with her tongue.  She is going on and on about Bentley.  This chick is the most horrible bachelorette they have ever selected.  Even Alli, who was a nightmare, was better.  These men should pray they go home.

She is at dinner with Constantine and now she won’t stop scratching her head.  This chick needs to brush her teeth, get a toothpick, and wash her hair.  She is telling him that she is insecure and I am simply disgusted with her.  She is in need of some serious therapy because she is a mess.

Constantine is opening up to her and her look of boredom is hilarious.  Poor guy.  There is no chemistry at all between them, which I suppose is why we don’t see a kiss.  It’s group date time, it’s pouring rain, and her outfit is ridiculous.  She is talking about Bentley again.  I’m so over her.

They are working to help out an orphanage that was built after the tsunami and it’s awesome.  The men are all saying it speaks volumes about her as a person that she would pick this as a date.  Really?  She had nothing to do with the selection of this date.  Why is everyone so dumb?

The kids come to see their rooms and I cried.  It was special, and that the show includes these charity angles is lovely.  It does not make us forget they are sleazy pimps for fame whores, but it is still really a wonderful thing that they do, and I congratulate them on this sliver of decency.

The group is together for drinks and again her choice of outfit is embarrassing, and she needs ChapStick.  All she wants to talk about is Bentley and it’s so stupid.  She kisses Ben F. and tells us he is getting more confident, which is funny coming from the girl with no confidence.

Ryan takes her off for a chat and we find out all the guys hate him.  He is flirting and it’s awkward.  Why is she wearing a bathing suit, at night, in the rain?  She makes out in the rain with JP and the other guys sit there and watch.  Odd looking Ames gets the next one on one.

Ashley joins the group and Ryan immediately pulls her away to say he hopes to spend more time with her. The guys become a bunch of bratty girls in their reaction.  Ben F. gets the rose and it’s weird because she just made out with JP, then tells the group she is into Ben.  She’s so immature.

Ames gets his date and he is sophisticated and lovely.  He’s too good for her and will eventually get bored by how dumb she is.  They have the most beautiful date I have ever seen and she is talking about how she could see him as a husband, but feels the need to mention Bentley. 

It’s the cocktail party before the rose ceremony and she in interviewing the men she’s known for a few days, but explaining to us all she really knows them and what they are all about.  I love the premise of this show but have decided, thanks to Ashley, that it is a big huge pot of crap.

Blake the male dentist tells Ryan P. that he is getting on the nerves of all the guys.  The entire conversation is high school mean girl and I think it’s all rather entertaining.  Important to note, I am now on my second glass of wine.  By second of course I mean I am pouring my third.

Chris Harrison is there, which is a waste of time and money.  He asks Ashley about Bentley and she says her woman’s intuition tells her there is something still there, which would imply that perhaps she is a tranny because her intuition is not just off, it’s non-existent.  She is an airhead.

Ashley tells Chris she wants to only send one guy home because she wants to get to know them better and not send the wrong guy home.  Chris says he will add a rose so only one goes home, and you’d think it’s the most important decision in history.  If I did drugs I’d be high right now.

Ashley sends West home because she does not want to fill the shows of his dead wife, even though he told her the shoes did not need filling.  He is sad that the one time he put himself out there, he is rejected.  I feel bad but he is watching the show and sees he was blessed to get out.

Next week will be a lot of making out and getting over Bentley, only to have him return.  Will he come clean and tell the truth?  Who cares, just bring him back.  Bentley made this show fun and maybe his being there will stop her whining.  Bentley will be back, so I hope he can keep it real.