The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Why the hell are the Kim’s back?

It’s week two for the ladies of New Jersey.  Calling them ladies is hilarious because after only an hour it would be hard to convince anyone we were talking about ladies.  This is a fun group to watch but I’m not sure if it’s because they are great, or because Orange County and New York City are boring, stupid, and a waste of time.

It’s fall and Caroline. Jacqueline and Teresa are all together with their families carving pumpkins.  Teresa’s kids are gorgeous and her husband is a monkey.  Speaking of monkeys, there is some chick there named Dolores who looks like a monkey with a bad tan.  These chicks would be so much better looking with less tan and less make up.

They are talking about what happened at the christening and Teresa is lying like a carpet.  She says it was her success that caused her problems with her brother but last week she said it was Melissa.  Pick a story and just stick to it Tree.  She is unwilling to accept any responsibility for the blow up at the christening, which is lame because we saw it.

She is recounting the story as if she was not there.  Important to note that when asked where her kids were, Teresa’s response is that she had no idea.  We’ll come back to this later.  Carolne is trying to tell Teresa that she needs to fix it and Teresa is not getting it.  It’s like talking to a spoiled brat.  Her kids are going to be screw-ups if this is their role model.

Melissa and Joe are invited for dinner by Kathy and Rich.  I loved Kathy last week but this week, not so much.  She’s a little bit of a troublemaker.  Melissa is telling the story of what happened at the christening and I like her.  She is honest, telling the story as we saw it, not the way Teresa wants us to think it went.  Kathy may be more dangerous than kind.

Melissa and Kathy are at Posche.  Melissa is there to look at the bombshell stuff, while Kathy is there for the mommy clothes.  Hilarious.  Just when it’s getting entertaining, Kim G. comes in and I want to hurl.  This crazy old chick makes me sick and it’s gross they are giving her screen time. She is a skank and I think she should be banned from the show.

Melissa says that Kim G. and Teresa hate each other, but Kathy is acting like she’s surprised everyone knows their business.  The women of New Jersey are the stupid ones Bravo, not us.  You put her in to stir the pot and Kathy trying to “act” her way through your script is pathetic.  You are writing your reality television and should just own it.

It’s Halloween night and Melissa and Joe are going out to party, while Teresa and her Joe are having a party for the kids at home.  Joe the brother is dressed like Snooki and it’s hilarious.  Teresa’s kids look awesome and he is talking about how she wished her brother would come over.  Is she high?  Teresa has lost all touch with reality.

Over at Melissa’s she has invited the Kim’s to come out partying with them.  Really?  Such a crock of crap.  The scripting is insane and it pisses me off that Bravo thinks the audience is so stupid.  Sidebar:  Did anyone else think it was weird that when Melissa and Joe went to get ready they left their baby on the floor by the front door?

Teresa is over at Jacqueline’s so they can go to the fashion show together.  Jacqueline is always eating and watching her eat is disgusting.  She sucks the food off the fingers and tilts her head back.  Maybe she thinks it’s sexy, but it’s gross.  Teresa tells her she is not confrontational.  Really?  I think Teresa may be high.  High or learning impaired.

We are now at the fashion show.  Melissa and Kathy are getting ready when Teresa and Jacqueline arrive.  Teresa approaches them and gives them a kiss like nothing has happened.  Is she kidding?  She screwed up her nephew’s christening but walks in like there is nothing going on?  Caroline says hello to everyone, as she should.  I still love her.

Teresa is screaming across the room for Caroline to come over.  Teresa tells the camera that Caroline is her friend and Melissa is kissing ass but Caroline went to Melissa you crazy bitch.  Yesterday I thought that Alexis from Orange County was the dumbest housewife on television but I think it might actually be Teresa.  She is seriously stupid.

Kim G. arrives at the fashion show and Teresa is about to explode because Kim is with Melissa.  Caroline is trying to keep everyone calm at The Brownstone but Teresa is on the edge.  Jacqueline walks and we see that Caroline is sitting next to Kathy, but just seconds before they were at other ends of the room. The scripting is beyond lame.

Melissa walks in the most hideous dress.  Not only was it insanely ugly but it did not fit.  She looked ridiculous.  Teresa is walking and looks like she might start crying any second.  She looks sad and Caroline notices it.  It’s not sadness Caroline, it’s hate and jealousy.  That is what fuels the fire in Teresa.  She is full of hate and jealousy.

Kathy pulls aside Teresa to talk to her and Teresa immediately goes on the defensive, denying everything, forgetting that we all saw it.  Teresa tells Kathy she bailed, and Kathy tells she left with Teresa’s baby, and that sets Tree off.  Back to the note from earlier, Teresa said she had no idea where her kids ere.  Surprise loser, they were with Kathy.

Caroline scolds everyone for fighting in public.  Love her.  Everyone leaves pissy and Teresa is livid that Kathy would be so classless and comment on her abilities as a mother.  Important to note that you can love your kids more than life but that does not guarantee that you are a good parent.  Teresa is failing at life and that hurts her kids.  Grow up.

On Watch What Happens Live Andy welcomes Teresa and Jacqueline.  We are less than a minute in when Jacqueline blows the entire season by telling us the two Joe’s are together in the end.  Loser.  Teresa also arrived later than Jacqueline because she was stuck in traffic.  Really?  Why would they not go together?  Something stinks in the clubhouse Andy.

I think Teresa was there the whole time and faked being late so we would thinks he did not sit there and watch the show.  I hate it when Bravo assumes we are stupid.  Teresa is calling Kim G. immature but when anyone wants to talk to Teresa she holds her breath and stamps her feet saying nothing is her fault.  Who’s the immature one?

Teresa is delusional. She says she did not remember what her brother called her, yet refers to “garbage” as “that” word.  Such lies.  In one season Teresa went from being the cute one with the loving husband and gorgeous kids, to the pathetic liar with the drunk husband and no money.  Life in Jersey clearly does not require you to keep it real.