Bethenny Ever After is in the Toilet – Literally

This week’s train wreck begins with us spending 5 minutes listening to Bethenny use a toilet.  She is in New Jersey for the opening of an envelope to sign books.  They put her in the presidential suite to get ready for her big appearance.  She reacts to the toilet as if she has outdoor plumbing at home.

She is so excited about the toilet that she tells her assistant Julie that she can use it too.  Really?  Does Julie normally use the bathroom in the basement?  What a treat for her to be able to use the same toilet as Bethenny.  Being a Godmother AND assistant has it’s perks.

Bethenny is having a nipple problem and rather than go back to her room, which is 10 steps away, she decides to put a bra on in the hallway of the hotel by the elevator.  Classy.  This woman is unbearable.  She then makes a comment that doing Skating With The Stars was stupid.

Her fans voted her into the finals, but it was a stupid idea?  Everyone told her not to do it, but now it is stupid?  She is skating, makes a jab at Johnny Weir, and disrespects the fans who voted for her even though she was rude.

She’s goes off on a tirade about her skating mid-life crisis and it’s sprinkled with some language that her fans will say is hilarious, yet when I use the same words to describe her, I am hateful and jealous.  Interesting group of people.

By interesting of course I mean they are obsessed with a woman they don’t know, yet think is their friend.  Me and my readers watch for a laugh, her fans watch as if it’s being shot live and unscripted, and they are actually in her life.

Gina is gone and they are interviewing new nannies.  She has selected a woman from Tibet, who happens to have worked with friends of her father.  Interesting that she talks opening about what a horrific man he was, yet his connection to the new nanny is not a problem.  Hypocrisy overload.

She is excited the woman is Tibetan because it means she will be peaceful.  When Jason asks about her logic, she calls him a moron.  For the record, Tibet is not a land of peace.  There has been unrest and strife.  Are you sure Jason is the moron in this relationship?

The people of Tibet are suffering with the state of their country and it is their hearts and souls that sustains them until they can live in peace, so instead of saying Tibet is peaceful, give a portion of the proceeds from your book to help it’s people you idiot.

Bethenny is planning her speaking tour and wants to get an RV so they can travel together.  She wants to put the Skinny Girl logo all over the bus, which is typical.  She tells Jason he is not allowed to have a bowel moment on the bus.  If he needs to go, he can go on the street. Classy.

The new nanny, Dawa, is adorable and Bethenny tells us she must be calm because her parents are from Tibet.  Dear Lord make it stop.  She could not possibly be more offensive.  I feel bad for Dawa and God bless her for giving it a go.  Bryn is lucky to have her.

Some guy from Skinny Girl comes to meet with Jason and they are blabbering about her products and where they are in terms of distribution.  It’s all made up so why even listen to this part.  She is now talking about her tour bus and does not think Bryn needs to be a car seat when traveling.

Is family protective services on the way over?  She says an RV simulates a house and so the baby can walk around the bus freely without being buckled in, then says she has never heard of an RV getting into an accident. Julie looks at her as if she is insane and it’s quite entertaining.

Jason and Bethenny are out for dinner and she orders two Skinny Girl margaritas.  I find it hard to believe that this is Jason’s drink of choice.  I’m thinking he orders it for show and has a rum and coke under the table that he sips on during breaks.  The self-promoting is over the top.

Jason is telling her their crappy drink in is 40 states and Bethenny wants to know why it’s not in the other 12 states.  Really?  There are 52 states in Bethennyland?  How did this woman write books and invent the margarita when she is clueless on the most basic of things?  Fascinating.

We are back in fake therapy and Bethenny is weaving some lies and looking rather anorexic.  She needs to eat a sandwich.  She is now talking to Jason about renting a house for the Christmas holidays.  She knocks him for being cheap and he is clearly embarrassed.  I think it’s quite sad.

Jason says he does not want to be away for the entire holiday because he wants to be with his parents as it’s their first Christmas with Bryn.  She agrees to throw them a couple of days.  Why not take the grandparents to Malibu and all be together? Selfish.

Bethenny and the baby head to LA a couple of days before Jason and he is excited to have the peace and quiet.  Bethenny arrives in Malibu and the kvetching begins. She cannot go five minutes without talking about how tired she is and how hard her life is.  Poor baby Bethenny.

She says her stint on Skating With The Stars is her mid-life crisis.  She is talking about how she needs to be the perfect wife and mother.  Why start now?  She constantly belittles her husband and doesn’t know what raw turkey looks like so the domestic goddess label does not fly.

Then in unimaginable happens.  There is a moment on Bethenny Ever After that I love!  Cookie is running around the beach and I am so happy for her.  It’s ridiculous but I am happy for this adorable dog and watching her run around is really special.  That is a cute dog.

They have ordered in dinner.  Why does this chef never cook?  Maybe it’s because she doesn’t know how?  Next week she starts her speaking tour and celebrates Christmas.  I shall poor myself a real margarita, remove all knives from my home, grab the remote, and keep the faith.