The Ghost of Online Dating Hell is Back

I got asked out on a date last night.  A man I had been on a date with over a year ago, called to see if I would like to go out with him again.  He was very sweet and charming and said he had been thinking about me and our date from long ago.  He felt compelled to ask me out again.

Here is the blog I wrote after our first and only date:

Dating Hell                                                

Originally posted on December 14, 2009

I had a brutal weekend.  I tweaked my back at yoga, my cat decided that she likes the taste of my couch, I was let down by someone I trusted, and to top it all off, I had the most horrific date ever.  With all the rain I should have just stayed in. but instead my search for love won out.

If you took a poll of a million people from all corners of the earth, and had them to share their most disgusting dating experience, mine would win.  I went back and forth about whether or not to even write about it because it’s truly mortifying, but at the end of the day I must share.

I got an email Saturday morning from an online dater who seemed like a nice guy. We decided to be spontaneous and meet for lunch. I was 5 minutes early and he was 15 minutes late.  He look disheveled and appeared to be drunk.  I wanted to leave but hung on because I didn’t want to be rude.

He sat down, ordered a drink, the waitress brought it over, he took a sip, told her it was watered down, she told him she was sorry and said she would have the bartender redo it, he started yelling that she was a stupid b*&%@.  I was stunned, she started to cry, I got up to leave.

I walked with her to the front, told her I was sorry, gave her $20 and headed out as the manager was asking him to leave.  I handed in my valet ticket and prayed the car would come quickly.  I’m waiting with the valet guy when Drunky comes out and starts begging me not to go.

He tells me to come back in and that he is sorry he was rude.  I tell him I’m leaving, and he tells me I’m cold and to get lost.  I’m now dying and want my car.  The valet guy puts his arm around me and tells me not to worry.  I feel a tap on my shoulder and Drunky is there to ask if he can borrow $100.

I thank the valet guy, hug him, give him $20 and as I turn around to walk to the car, Drunky bends over and begins to vomit on my boots.  He is now throwing up on my boots.  I look at the valet guy, he looks at me, I start crying, he calls for back up, and Drunky is laughing.

They bring out pitchers of water, clean off my boots and call the cops to come help Drunky.  I’m in shock, stunned by the entire exchange, and Drunky is sitting on the ground telling everyone he is not drunk and that the waitress was lying about putting vodka in his drink.

I want to be in the Guinness World Book of Records for having survived this one.  I find it hard to believe anyone has had a worse date but if you have, let me know.  Drunky has called to apologize but I’m not taking that call.  I hope he is well, appreciate the apology. and think I might change my number.

There is only place you can possibly go after a date like this.  The one special place that can make it better and take the sting out is The Cheesecake Factory.  My friend Geri and I went to the Sherman Oaks Galleria location for Sunday brunch.  Our waitress, Erica, was perfect.  I explained I had a rough date the day before and she ran with it and could not have been any better.

I asked to speak to a manager because it’s important for them to hear when things are good not just bad.  The manager on duty, Mark, came over, listened to my praise of Erica, and agreed my date wins the Worse Date Ever Award and my prize was a complimentary piece of the world’s greatest cheesecake.  He was fantastic and I adored them both.

The world is full of very strange people and sometimes it’s the kindness of a stranger that makes a difference.  At the end of the day I will be fine, Drunky will hopefully get it together, and if you need a great place to eat in the valley, you can go see Erica and Mark at the Sherman Oaks Cheesecake Factory.

Thank you to Geri for making me laugh, reminding me that tomorrow is always a new beginning, and that all we need to do is keep the faith.


So what does one do?  He was apologetic, said he was mortified and embarrassed by what had happened.  I actually ran into him at the market a few months after our date and he bought me flowers and said sorry.  He said it took him a while to get himself together and wanted another chance.

He explained that our original date had been on a bad day, he was indeed drunk, but it was an isolated case.  He was not an alcoholic, we had just met at an unfortunate time.  He said he was in a better place, was happy and healthy, and wanted an opportunity to make it up to me.

Can’t do it.  I told him I appreciated so much that he felt the need to call all this time later and say sorry.  The thing is, my lasting memory of this man is of him puking on my shoes.  It’s an image that is near impossible to get rid of, and I just don’t see me ever letting it go.

It does make for a great story.  If we went out and found love it would certainly be entertaining to tell people we met when he hurled on me.  I almost feel bad because I think he is sincere and it took huge balls for him to call me all this time later and ask me out again.

We had a good laugh and I politely told him I would have to pass.  He was charming and said I clearly needed time to think about it and he would call me again in a few days.  It’s sweet but a few more days won’t really matter.  We had a date, it did not go well, so no do-overs.

I might change my mind.  Who knows how I will feel when he calls back.  Love is elusive so maybe I need to turn the past into a good story instead of a brick wall.  We’ll see what happens.  At the end of the day it’s a reminder that forgiveness is important when keeping the faith.