Brad Womack is Officially the Most Uninteresting Bachelor Ever.

We are down to four women and it’s time for the hometown dates.  This week’s show starts with 15 minutes of recapping by Brad.  Blah. Blah. Blah.  His voice is annoying and his words sound scripted.  It’s as if he read a self help book and is reciting all the things he thinks we want to hear.

We are in Seattle with Chantel.  I can’t stop staring at her shirt, which is about three sizes to small.  It’s distracting. She is super pretty and I like her, but then she says that sitting with Brad on the couch in her house is representative of what their life would be like together.  Really?

Since when does spending ten minutes on a couch, with a camera crew watching, a crystal ball view into your future with someone?  She is cute and fun, but also naïve and a little bit dumb.  Bless her.  That is something special that they have in common.  They are both a little bit dumb.

Chantel’s family lives in a mansion.  Gorgeous.  Her dad takes Brad out for a chat and it turns out they have led very similar lives.  It’s interesting to see the parallels between Brad and her dad.  Odd that her mom does not talk to him alone.  Daddy’s girl I guess, but still, the mom was too quiet.

Brad is in love with Chantel’s dad as much as he is in love with her.  He’s into his success and money, and that might blur his vision of Chantel.  Enough with Seattle, we are now heading to Maine to see Ashley.  Ashley is a little pixie, and I like her but she’s playing the game a little too much.  She knows the camera is rolling and her words are too calculated.

Sidebar:  They go out for lunch and she orders him poutine.  It is the greatest meal ever.  It’s classic Canadian food and I love it that she orders it for him.  The French speaking waitress asks him a question in French and he answers in Spanish.  It’s hilarious.  This guy is a dufus.  He catches his mistake and is clearly embarrassed, which is even more entertaining.

Ashley’s family is awesome and I loved them.  The show has been telling us for weeks that she is a dentist but it turns out she is a dental student.  Whatever.  She has been falling in love with him for weeks and is now trying to make us believe she is pulling back a little so she does not get hurt?  It’s fake to me.  She is trying to save face but it’s too late sweetie.

Not buying it Ashley.  She is now full swing in bachelor game mode and is saying what needs to be said so if he dumps her, we don’t think she looks like an idiot.  She will never be the Bachelorette so she should just go back to old self and be in it 100% like we all know she is.  She loves him and it’s ok.  She might blow it by getting weird now.

Shawntel N. is next and she is from Chico.  It was over before it began.  The date was creepy, she was creepy, and her job literally put the final nail in her coffin.  He was never going to pick her before the hometown date, but this wrapped it up for him and made it all an easy decision.  Her job is something she should talk about, not necessarily show someone.  Just a thought.

Her family visit was painfully uncomfortable.  Her parents are telling Brad how she is taking over the business and she breaks the news to her family that she is giving up on their plans for retirement to move to Austin for love.  It’s just a bad scene and I cringed through the whole thing.  Did she really think he was going to pick her?  It’s all quite sad if she did.

She is telling her dad she is looking for love and would choose love over the family business, and the dad tells her she ruining his life, his plans for retirement, and will essentially ruin their entire lives.  Yup, that’s totally going to work out.  He dad is slinging daggers at Brad.  Awesome.

We now head to North Carolina to meet Emily.  I desperately want Emily to not be with Brad.  I love this chick and seeing her with her baby is sweet.  Rickey is a lovely little girl and does well with the cameras, and meeting someone new.  Emily calls him “Mr. Brad” which I think is weird.

Rickey warms up and it’s nice. They head to Emily’s house, which is beautiful.  I don’t know lot of hospital event planners that live in a house like that, but whatever.  Good for her.  They play together, put the little one down, and all is well.  He is digging the idea of being a daddy.

They are on the couch, she is telling him that she is falling for him,  and he does not even hold her hand.  It’s bizarre.  He tells her he cannot kiss her, or touch her, with her child upstairs, and thinks he should leave.  Are you kidding?  This guy is the dumbest Bachelor. 

She is pissed and I love her even more.  She tells him that her daughter will always be upstairs sleeping and he needs to understand that they can be intimate with her home.  She handles herself perfectly and he’s a goof.  They kiss, and he feels bad, but it’s clear he’s not picking her.

He is not ready to be a dad, and certainly not to another man’s child.  He will have her in the finale, with Chantel I think, then he will pick Chantel, and Emily will be the next Bachelorette.  That will be awesome.  Ashley will be the one to go home next week.  She overplayed, but will be fine.

Is it just me or is Brad sounding more and more like Forest Gump with each episode?  At the rose ceremony Brad says he is looking for a wife and love.  Interesting that he put wife before love.  By interesting of course I mean lame.  Shawntel N. is dumped but sweet about the whole thing.

This show makes me crazy.  I am kicking myself for committing to watching all the way through because I am bored and there is nothing of interest here.  I hope Brad picks Chantel in the end and they have a couple of great weeks before he dumps her ass because he is a douchelord.

Shawntel N.‘s dad is doing a happy dance, little Rickey is thinking she does not want Mr. Brad to be her daddy, Chantel is planning her wedding, and Brad is texting his old girlfriend, asking her to marry him when he’s done with the show.  This show makes it hard to keep the faith.