Jewish Vocabulary

This list of Jewish “words” was sent to me by a friend, who received it from her Dad.  I don’t know who came up with them, but they are hilarious so I thought I would share.  Whoever came up with these gets a round of applause from me.  Brilliant.

Jewbilation (n.)  Pride in finding out that one’s favorite celebrity is Jewish or that your offspring is marrying a Jewish person

Torahfied (n.)  Inability to remember one’s lines when called to read from the Torah at one’s Bar or Bat Mitzvah (OR from the Hagadah at Passover)

Matzilation (v.)  Smashing a piece of matzoh to bits while trying to butter it

Bubbegum (n.)  Candy one’s mother gives to her grandchildren that she never gave to her own children

Chutzpapa (n.)  A father who wakes his wife at 4:00 a.m. so she can change the baby’s diaper

Deja Nu (n.)  Having the feeling you’ve seen the same exasperated look on your mother’s face, but not knowing exactly when

Disoriyenta (n.)  When Aunt Linda gets lost in a department store and strikes up a conversation with everyone she passes

Hebort (v.)  To forget the Hebrew one ever learned immediately after one’s Bar or Bat Mitzvah

Jewdo (n.)  A traditional form of self-defense based on talking one’s way out of a tight spot

Mamatzah Balls (n.)  Matzo balls that are as good as your mother used to make

Meinstein (slang)  “My son, the genius!”

Mishpochadots (n.)  The assorted lipstick and make-up stains found on one’s face and collar after kissing all one’s aunts and cousins at a reception

Re-shtetlement (n.)  Moving from Brooklyn to Boca Raton and finding all your old neighbors live in the same condo building as you

Rosh Hashana-na-na (n.)  A rock ‘n roll band from Brooklyn

Yidentify (v.)  To be able to determine Jewish origins of celebrities, even though their names might be St. John, Curtis, Davis, or Taylor

Minyastics (n.)  Going to incredible lengths and troubles to find a tenth person to complete a Minyan

Feelawful (n.)  Indigestion from eating Israeli street food, especially falafel

Dis-kvellified (v.)  To drop out of law school, med. school or business school as seen through the eyes of parents, and grandparents. In extreme cases, simply choosing to major in art history when Irv’s son David is majoring in biology is sufficient grounds for dis-kvellification

Impasta (n.)  A Jew who starts eating leavened foods before the end of Passover

Kinders Shlep (v.)  To transport other kids besides yours in your car

Schmuckluck (n.)  Finding out one’s wife became pregnant after one had a vasectomy

Shofarsogut (n.)  The relief you feel when, after many attempts, the shofar is finally blown at the end of Yom Kippur

Trayffic Accident (n.)  An appetizer one finds out contains pork

I hope you all have a great weekend.  It’s been a long week and I am looking forward to a couple of days off.  I went to services last night and woke up today with a full heart and a calm soul.  Shabbat Shalom.  Keep the faith.

*** Addictions are starting to come in!  Bravo People!

Yidlock (n.)  The traffic jam around the synagogue parking lot at the high holidays