Bachelor Pad: Gia is Incredibly Gorgeous and Insanely Stupid

I freaking love this show and even more disturbing than the fact that I love it, is the fact that I am willing to say it out loud.  Seriously, this show is pure fun.  It’s a bunch of gorgeous/cute people, whoring around for 250k.  Mike Fleiss is a genius.

We start off with young buck Jesse saying he trusts Natalie.  Hilarious.  She is all about the money and is weak under the shadow of his insane attractiveness.  Let’s be clear, he is going to crush her, and when he does, it will be fabulous to watch.

They have divided themselves into two camps, the insiders and the outsiders, and with lines drawn, the deception and backstabbing begins.  Tonight’s competition is a pie eating contest, and it is without doubt, the most disgusting looking pie ever.

Gia wins the contest for the girls.  It’s annoying that someone so little can down an entire pie and look gorgeous while doing it.  I’ve met Gia, and she truly is an insanely beautiful girl. I’m seriously over this girl, and my over her, of course I mean I’m totally jealous of her.

Weatherman wins for the men, which is shocking and fabulous.  The little peanut, who looks like a small child next to some of these strapping young men, wins it.  It’s cute because it’s the only date he will ever get on this show, and nice he gets it before they give him the boot.

He picks Peyton, Gwen and Ashley to go on the date.  Bravo.  He is playing a strategic game.  The worst part of the date is that Melissa is there.  This chick is just gross.  Everything about her is annoying and she is useless on this show.  They do body painting and Weatherman is awesome.

Krisily is back at the house plotting about how to get the “popular” kids booted out.  It’s fascinating to watch them all talk about it like its espionage and the safety of the world is at stake.  Everyone is picking sides, choosing favorites and they all look so stupid, it’s perfection.

Weatherman is now having a one-on-one moment with Gwen.  It’s fabulous. He is flirting with her, and says of all the girls at the house, she is the one that he would date.  She is old enough to be his mother and watching him flirt with her is both lovely and completely creepy.

Gia has selected Craig, Wes and Jesse B. to go on her date.  She has decided to give the rose to Craig, before the date even starts.  She is rallying the outsiders so they will have a fair shot against the popular kids.  She promises the rose to Craig, and the power is about to shift.

Back at the house, Elizabeth is talking to Kovacs.  Sidebar:  Whoever does her hair should have their beauty license taken away.  She is making out with Kovacs, which is gross. She is completely crazy, and he is an idiot to go anywhere near her.  I have no respect for him.

Wes and Gia are having their one-on-one and he tells her that he knows he is not getting the rose, and then tells her he loves her, and if she did not have a boyfriend, things would be different.  Then the best villain in bachelorette history tells a lie that will change the game forever.

Are you ready… he tells her he loves her.  She is dumb, and an idiot.  She cries and says if things were different she would go for him too.  They have known each for five minutes and love is being professed.  Is it worth it to be that beautiful if it means you need to be that dumb?

Oh.  My.  God.  Gia gives the rose to Wes.  LOSER!  She has gone back on her word and taken the power away from the outsiders and put it in the palm of the hands of the popular kids.  She has decided she is in love with Wes.  Important to know she has a serious boyfriend at home.

Dear Lord, now little sweet Canadian Jessie is making out with David in order to keep her spot in the house.  The skanks are coming out to play and Krisily goes to Kypton and tells him that Jessie is hurting people and slutting around for a spot in the house.  The lies are overflowing.

Jesse, who has been making out with Natalie for days, tells the camera that he does not care about her, and would dump her for Gia.  He goes to Natalie and tells her he loses interest quickly, and has heard rumors that she has been with other guys in the house. 

He essentially calls her a slut and dumps her.  Sweet farm boy is a pig.  Natalie is telling him that she likes him and is sad that he believes the rumors.  She cries like a baby and says her heart has been broken yet again.  Seriously.  Are a few kisses enough to break your heart?

Sidebar:  The same person who colors Elizabeth’s hair, selected Chris Harrison’s rose ceremony outfit.  He is wearing a brown and white checkered shirt, with a lavender and brown polka dot tie.  It is ridiculous and together they look like they should be on Dating in the Dark.

At the voting ceremony emotions are high.  Tenley cries again, Elizabeth is coy about the fact that she is having sex with Kovacs and Krisily is annoyed and calls out all the liars.  The tap has been turned and the next few weeks will have a whole lot of crying.  Excellent.

Jessie S. tells David she is voting off Craig and he can trust her.  She fake cries and he tells her he will try to save her.  Jessie is thinking she may be going, and is mortified that people will think she is a liar.  Krisily is convinced the boys have changed their minds and she will be out.

In the end the Canadians are out with Craig and Jessie S. going home.  The most interesting thing is that Gia is saying how she got screwed, and someone turned on them for voting out Craig, and she can’t believe someone lied.  Really?  It was her lying that got them to this place.

This show is reality heaven.  It makes you cringe, laugh, scream at the television, and pray the power goes out so the TV is rendered useless.  It also makes me thank God I am not in my 20’s.  Is it a crystal ball into what my teenage son will in his twenties?  I pray no, and will keep the faith.