The Bachelor Pad is Reality Train Wreck Perfection

If you are in your forties, and think about what it would be like to be single again and in your twenties, watch Bachelor Pad and you will be grateful to be old. This show is a train wreck.  It is so horrific to watch, that turning off the channel is simply not an option.  These people are crazy and it is seriously fabulous.

Chris Harrison is the host and I guess it’s good because he knows them all, but he’s a little too nice for this situation.  It would have been fun to have someone with more of an opinion, rather than just a moderator.  Melissa Rycroft is along to help and she is painful to watch.  Truly annoying with no talent.

The contestants are all competing for $250,000, which is what is so fun.  They try to say it’s about another shot at love, but come on.  This is a group of people that no matter how much we loved them on their seasons, they are going to get sleazy because nothing can change people like money can.  Event the most attractive are about to get really ugly, really fast.

The unfortunate part of the show is that they all vote each other out.  It will instantly become a popularity contest of who is sleeping with whom.  That’s a shame because some of the people who are not well liked, Michelle, will go early, and they are what makes great television.

Gwen, who we remember from season two, is back and she looks like she could be the mother of some of these kids.  When she was rejected and cried in her limo, she was sweet and lovely, and we all wanted her to be the next bachelorette. She is there, and sticks out like a sore thumb.

Tenley: Disney Princess who will cry the most

Jesse B.:  Yummy, yummy ding dong

Natalie:  Who is this girl? 

David:  Entertaining and not to be trusted

Jessie S.:  Canadian and cute

Weatherman:  Poor thing, no chance

Nikki:  Who cares?

Juan:  Oink, Oink

Wes:  Good television

Krisily:  Really?

Elizabeth:  Oh.  My.  God.

Kovacs:  Delicious

Kiptyn: Super cute

Ashley:  Whatever

Peyton: Huh?

Michelle: Train wreck

Gia:  Stunning but simple

Craig M.:  Sleazy McSleazerson

Weatherman says he is worried about hooking up with different girls and having it ruin his chances.  So cute.  If anyone hooks up with him it will be a miracle, and she will be drunk.  Bless him for believing in himself.  This little man is adorable, and I hope he hangs around for a while.

It’s time for almost naked Twister.  I am cradling the remote at this point and so tempted to turn it off, but like all the Bachelor/Bachelorette seasons that came before, I just can’t do it.  Craig M. wins Twister and gets to take three of the chicks out on a date.

Elizabeth is classic Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction.  This chick needs to be in a hospital for the seriously unstable.  She is a loon, and watching her is uncomfortable.  It’s not even that she is entertaining, as much as we are waiting for something really bad to happen that involves her.

Kovacs is having a chat with Elizabeth and it’s creepy.  You half expect her to pull a boiled rabbit out of her purse.  Poor Kovacs is trying to be a nice guy, but he is dealing with a crazy person.  She is in love with him, making a fool out of herself, and scaring every man who is watching.

Competing for Miss. Crazy is Michelle.  She is going off the deep end and again, it’s really creepy.  She could have been great television if she were not so scary.  She locks Tenley in the bathroom and tells her she is a bitch.  We then discover that beautiful Tenley is a really, really ugly crier.

Elizabeth is talking to Kovacs again and it’s nails on a chalk board.  She is trying to make him love her, and wants him to go to all the girls and profess his love for her.  It makes me want to tell Kovacs to sleep with one eye open because she has Lorena Bobbitt potential.

In the end Michelle and Juan are the ones given the boot.  You could see it coming.  The popular shall survive and the hated will depart.  Each weak we will know in the first ten minutes who is going home, but we’ll watch anyway because we know there is a train wreck coming.

Whether you like it or not, if you are single and in your forties, you should watch it.  It will make you thankful you are not in your twenties.  These kids are charming with just a dash of pathetic thrown in.  It’s enough to make you grateful to be out of your twenties and still keeping the faith.