Real Housewives of New York City’s Reunion Explodes, Slowly

The reunion starts with Andy Cohen asking if anyone medicated before coming to the taping.  Truth is, Bravo should have sent us all a Xanax to tune in.  I want to know why he refers to Countless as a Countess.  She was never a real one, more of a fake one.  Her marriage ended, so let’s dump the title.

No matter what you think of these chicks, you’ve got admit that they look great.  Seriously.  Of course they did spend hours and hours in hair and makeup, but still, the ladies are looking good, as they sit on the couch, in downtown Crazytown.

We start with Alex.  She was the first one to crack under the façade that is Jill Zarin. She was just living her life in Brooklyn, when the bullying by Jill became too much.  I cannot believe I’m going to say it, and reserve the right to take it back later, but I like Alex.  Good for her.

She is articulate and well spoken, so bravo to her.  She grew some balls this season, and they look good on her.  Shout out to Brooklyn! Alex calls Countless out on her hypocrisy.  Bethenny supports Alex, and Jill announces that she and Alex were never friends.  Really?

Were they not friends when she dropped cash having her window treatments for the new house done?  Were they not friends when she took bagels over for a Sunday morning visit?  Were they not friends she went to Brooklyn for fashion weekend?  Jill is trying to be a lady, but it’s not working.

Jill cannot stand that Alex is friends with Bethenny.  The second they aired the episode where Bethenny told Alex first about her engagement, and then confirmed to Alex first that she was pregnant, Jill stopped being friends with Alex.  Classic high school, mean girl, bully behavior. 

Alex explains that her frustration has been building for years, saying Jill goes to the press to plant stories about the women, and tries to get them to not film with each other.  We then discover that Jill has a condition, where unless there is proof on paper, she does not remember, so it never happened.

Jill comes up with the nugget, “just because you said it, doesn’t make it true”. The problem is that not only did we hear you say it Jill, but we saw it too.  Those men, walking around with cameras, are filming you sweetie.  You just told us everything you say may not be true.  Shocking. 

Alex says the reason she can forgive Ramona and Bethenny for the mean things they’ve done to her, is because they said they were sorry, and stopped.  The difference with Jill, is that she says sorry, but keeps on with her bad behavior.  The fact is, Jill got gross, and we all watched it happen.

When Jill said that Alex had the body of a model, but not the face.  Jill says it did not come out right, and she was not saying she was ugly.  Again, she insists that it came out wrong and she did not mean it, yet she does not explain what she did mean.  Oh the tangled web we weave Jill.

On to Ramona.  Sidebar:  I love it that Bethenny is backing up Ramona and Alex.  That is what grown up relationships with women are supposed to be.  They’re the nice girls, while Jill, Countless and Kelly are the popular girls, who once you get into their circle, realize you can’t stand them, and their not that popular, except with each other.

Ramona admits that her trip down the catwalk was mortifying. She admits that her kiss on the yacht was a mistake, and she told Mario about it.  She admits the things she did that were not good, owns it, and moves on.  Kelly says it was an indiscretion and she would not forgive it.  Sit quietly Kelly.

Ramona goes on to say her behavior on the Brooklyn Bridge with Bethenny is the worst part of the season for her.  If she could take anything back that she said, that conversation would be it.  She is embarrassed and sorry.  Kelly asks if Ramona would take back calling her stupid.  Sit quietly Kelly.

Bethenny is talking about her husband and her daughter.  She starts crying, and you can’t help but look at her, and love her.  She got all the things in her life that she thought she never would, and it’s wonderful to see.  She is funny, and charming, but still acerbic and has become my favorite.

It’s sad because as Bethenny is talking about how great her life is, they show Jill, who looks heartbroken.  She tries to participate in the conversation, but the fact is she has nothing to say.  She is not a part of the things that are happening for Bethenny, and you can see it kills her.

Everyone is talking about Bethenny being a media whore.  Bethenny clearly gets more press than anyone else, and therefore she is a media whore.  They are all so jealous that it’s disgusting.  This show gives a realistic glimpse into how catty and mean woman can be.  It’s sad.  Funny, but really, really sad.

Kelly is unable to formulate a proper sentence.  It is fascinating.  This woman really does not seem to be able to speak.  She stutters, is flustered, says random things, and can’t formulate a clear thought. It’s sad to watch her.  She is not well.  It’s not even funny anymore.  She’s crazy.

Countless wants to talk over everyone, and her voice is so low, that it stands out, and you can hear everything she says.  The problem is that she is not saying anything interesting.  Every time someone tells their side of a story, Countless has something to say.  She’s trying to do Andy’s job, and she sucks.

They show an outtake where Ramona gets up, while Kelly is in the middle of a story, and goes to walk off the set.  Andy asks her what she is doing, and Ramona tells him she is hot and wants a glass of water.  The thing is, the cameras are running, which Ramona did not know, or care about.  Hilarious.

They show all the crap between Jill and Bethenny over the season.  Jill is crying, and mortified by her behavior.  She makes excuses for how she acted, blaming it on her daughter going off to school, and Bobby being sick.  She sees quickly excuses won’t work, and then says she has no excuses, is just really sorry.

It’s too little too late for Bethenny.  Bethenny says that she understands Jill is happy for her, but calls her out on her crap.  She says that Jill let fame go to her head, and became a diva.  She went from being a nice girl from long Island, to being a superstar in her own head.

Jill is trying to be calm and let Bethenny speak, but you know she is biting her tongue and wants to go off, but can’t, because if she does, it will prove that Bethenny is correct.  Jill is scrambling to explain herself, but just can’t seem to do it.  She has fallen apart and it’s too bad.

Jill says she is praying her and Bethenny can be friends again because she loves her.  The problem, is that her actions imply something else.  She says she was scared of Bethenny.  Really?  Jill was a bitch, got too big for her britches, ruined a friendship, and her reputation, and is now back peddling.

Bethenny is spelling out specific things Jill did, but she insists she does not remember.  She wants proof.  She wants emails, or documentation of what she said.  I’m loving Bethenny for calling Jill out on her crap.  She is doing it calmly, and clearly, and Jill is spinning.  Sidebar:  Jill’s crying looks like she’s angry not sad.

It comes out that Jill was trying to sabotage Bethenny’s new show and shockingly, Jill does not want to talk about it!  Alex confirms it, Ramona confirms it, and still Jill denies that she did it.  Now Jill is sweating, getting red, screaming that Alex is a liar, and starting to shake.

Jill’s arguments make no sense.  She is insisting that she wanted to make up with Bethenny, but wanted to do it off camera, and Bethenny would not.  Ramona points out that she started the fight on camera, so the mending should have been done for everyone to see too.  Jill then says the fight began before taping.

So yes they were fighting before the show started taping, but Jill was the one who took it on the show on the first episode.  Jill dug a hole for herself and is frantically trying to justify what she did, but she can’t.  Kelly and Countless are not even defending her, because they know they can’t save her.

It’s going in circles, and Bethenny wants to wrap it up.  She tells Jill that she is over her, and has decided to simply walk away from their relationship.  Jill is all but begging for Bethenny to forgive her, but Bethanny has a life that just does not have room for Jill in it.

Damn Bravo for stretching the reunion out for 3 shows.  That said, God Bless Bravo for stretching it out for 3 shows so it does not have to end.  Love, love, love, it.  Jill gets all dramatic, starts crying, gets up, and walks off.  Bethenny is not getting sucked into it, and is taking care of herself.

The first hour ends with Kelly going off on a rant that makes no sense.  I wonder if it makes sense in her own head.  Half the time it doesn’t even sound like English.  There must be someone who understands what she says.  That person should write a book of Kelly translations. They’d make a fortune.

For this entire season,  I’ve been saying they should cancel this show.  I didn’t mean it because apparently we can say whatever we want and not mean it.  I would like to see it come back with Sonja, Countless, Alex and a couple new galls.  Not Jen Gilbert though.  She’s not even remotely interesting.

Part two will be on Monday night, and I for one can’t wait.  I love the reunion so far.  Alex is great with balls, Bethenny has grown hers bigger while pregnant, Ramona borrows Mario’s when needed, and next week the biggest balls will be on the couch by way of Sonja.  It’s going to be a bumpy ride, so everyone hold on, and keep the faith