The Real Housewives of New Jersey – Don’t Shoosh Me!

This show used to be fun to watch.  They were a great bunch of ladies, and even though they were wealthy, and lead privileged lives, they were relatable.  You could picture them as your neighbor and friend.  That was then, and this is now.

Danielle has sucked the joy out of watching this show.  Just as Jill ruined the show for New York City, Danielle has turned a weekly romp through reality heaven, to a schlep through hell.  This chick is crazy, but don’t call her crazy, because it makes her crazy.

I cringe when I watch this show now.  Danielle is so over the top, that it looks like a farce, not the fake reality that we all love.  All that said, I’m still watching. It’s just transitioned from fluff that is a release, to the heaviness of a crash, you can’t turn away from.

And so we begin….Teresa is taking Gia to an acting class, because she has a movie audition coming up. She arrives late, because that is how Teresa rolls.  Gia goes in with the other kids, while Teresa sits in the lobby with the other parents.

It’s funny because she is talking like Gia is the only kid who rocks.  She says how Gia knows all her lines, but cut to the audition, and Gia has to read everything because she’s forgotten.  It’s cute really.  We all brag about our kids, it’s charming, but here, with the funny Bravo music, and the faces of the other parents, it’s comedy gold.

At The Brownstone, Christopher has gotten a promotion, and is working along side his dad.  Lauren is still working there, helping with the brides.  Caroline and her family have worked for 30 years to make the Brownstone a success.  Caroline and Albert are disappointed that Danielle is trying to taint their name.

Jacqueline is getting a pedicure, when Kim G. walks in.  They are neighbors, but not really friends.  Kim G. of course wants to talk about Danielle.  Kim G. is embarrassed by what happened at The Brownstone, and Jacqueline just starts laughing.  She’s been down this road before, and is happy to have it be someone else’s mess.

Danielle is getting ready for her birthday party, which Kim G. has planned.  It’s hilarious because she refers to her as “her good friend”, when just last week she said she did not really know her, and was not friends with her, because she was friends with Caroline.  Get your stories straight Danielle. 

I don’t get why Kim G. would want to mix in the same circles as Danielle.  They are getting ready for the party, and Kim G. wants to make sure Danielle’s thug/felon friend Danny, is not coming.  Danielle says he is not, and wants us all to know that she is a gay advocate.

Really?  If someone calls someone else a fa@#$%, but it’s to protect your honor, then it’s okay?  And by telling that person to not use the slur, it makes you an advocate?  Danielle is the worse thing to happen to gay advocacy in a million years.

Furthermore, when Kim G. tells her the name calling needs to stop, because Christopher is her son’s best friend, she says that Kim needs to watch her “legencies”.  I believe what she meant, and would have said if she were educated, was “allegiance”.

The party is packed, and you’ve got to wonder who all these people are.  I find it highly unlikely that they are all her friends.  In fact, at one point she walks past a group of people, and they look at her as if they’ve never seen her before, which they probably have not.  Bravo bought her some friends.  Cute.

Outside, Danielle is crying, and yelling at Kim G. and her mother, when they are the ones throwing her a party.  She is ungrateful, uneducated, and unattractive.  If she really had friends, they would tell her that white eye shadow never works, and you can actually see the needle marks from all her Botox.  That is what a friend does.  Just saying.

Dina has a new assistant, and is working on her Ladybug Foundation.  You cannot watch this show, and not be blown away each week, by how beautiful this woman is.  Stunning.  She is sad however, missing her daughter on the show, stressed out, and feeling the need to tell Danielle she gave her a chance, but now needs to be done with her.

Back at the management office, Gia’s “people”, think she needs to work on getting rid her Jersey accent.  It’s funny because Teresa does not think they have accents.  I love this chick, love her kids, and love the accent.  She is hardcore Jersey, and it’s fabulous.  Teresa and Gia decide the accent stays.

Danielle is at home, talking to herself, acknowledging that she is talking to herself, answering herself, and having a full on conversation with the voices in her head.  They say that talking to yourself, is the first sign of insanity.  In this case, it appears to be sign number 12. 

Kim G. has come over for a visit.  Gold bless this woman for trying, or for at least putting up with Danielle to get more time on television.  Danielle is talking about the terrorist hate page that Jacqueline’s daughter put on Facebook, and how it is not only a terrorist plot, but it’s comparable to the KKK.

Oh.  My.  God.  Does this whackadoodle actually want us to believe that the Facebook page of an 18 year old girl, who let’s face is, is not the sharpest tool in the shed, is the same as the activities of the clan against African Americans? Bravo has an obligation to her children, all gay Americans, and now all African Americans, to get her the hell off of television.

Ashley wrote “Bye” on the Facebook posting, and Danielle thinks it’s a death threat.  By telling her she is going to hell, and then saying “bye”, it means she is plotting to kill her?  Honestly Bravo, we have been so supportive of you and these shows, but this is now testing our patience.  Make it end.

Teresa and Jacqueline are having lunch with Ashley, to find out what was going on.  Turns out, Danielle and Ashley have been having a Facebook war for weeks.  Really?  Danielle is 47, and Ashley is 18.  Grow up Danielle.  You are dealing with a child, and you need to leave her alone.

Danielle is now shopping with Danny.  She thinks if she buys him a suit, he will watch his language.  So true.  I have never heard a man in a suit swear.  Except for about 45 million times, never seen it happen.  Brilliant plan Danielle.  Put him in a suit, and he will be a gentleman.  You’re so smart.  Funny that Danny is her go to person now.

Dina calls Danielle to meet for a drink, and Caroline is having people over for dinner.  Teresa is late, but you’ve got to let it go because she has 4 kids.  Danielle and Dina are getting ready, and heading out to meet.  Bravo to Bravo for allowing us, for a brief moment, to feel like we are watching The Sopranos.

They play the menacing music, they show the ladies driving, while cutting back and forth from the car, to dinner, to Danielle checking in with her thug, to make sure he is the parking lot, incase she needs him.  It’s brilliant, and if Danielle were not so crazy, it would be good television.  The problem is, she is a bag full of nuts.

At drinks, Dina is explaining herself in a way that is calm and respectful.  Dina starts off by saying the need to talk is about her and her feelings, but Danielle turns it to be about her.  Dina wants to talk, and Danielle is dragging all of her crap out.  Dina shooshes her, so she can finish, and Danielle loses her mind.  Don’t shoosh me!

Next week will be part two of their “meeting”, we will see Danielle giving stripper pole lessons, and so the madness will go on.  This week we found out that there is a sex tape of Danielle that is being released by Hustler.  Oddly enough, she seems quite Hustler don’t you think?

At some point, Bravo is going to have a problem on their hands.  They are dealing with a woman who is not well.  It’s one thing to watch a train wreck, but even this is too much.  You feel bad watching, uncomfortable laughing, and that is not good television.  Wrap it up Bravo.  We’re keeping the faith.