Ali Fedotowsky Is The New Bachelorette, But I’m Watching Anyway

There is no greater fan than me, when it comes to the Bachelor/Bachelorette series.  I love this show, Chris Harrison, Mike Fleiss, and the idea that you can find love this way.  Even though their track record is not stellar, it has worked, and the hope that it can happen again, is what makes me watch.

I am a hopeless romantic and I think this social experiment, while not based in reality, is a wonderful opportunity, and those who are given it, should be so grateful.  Whether or not I like the Bachelor or Bachelorette, I watch because I want love to be found.

The thing is, Ali Fedotowsky is beyond annoying, and I could care less if she finds love or not.  I would actually go one step further, and say that I if she does find love, I will feel a little bad for the guy who gets hooked by her.  She is referred to as America’s Sweetheart by Chris Harrison, but in reality, not so much.

I think she is annoying, boring, and manipulative, with just a drop of skank thrown in.  She’s a fake crying, forced laugher, padded bra wearing, celebrity seeking, bad dress choosing, mean girl, and I will never understand why she was given this opportunity.  Editing or not, she was horrible to Vienna on The Bachelor.

Important to note that if you look at my blog from January 5th, the day after The Bachelor, featuring Jake Pavelka, premiered, she was one of the frontrunners for me.  When I met her at the Bachelor house, on the first night, having been invited by the genius Mike Fleiss, I liked her.

She was sweet, and there was a kindness to her.  Cut to the moment she realized there was competition, Vienna, and she became a mean girl.  In the end I was glad she left.  That she is being rewarded, for being a bitch, is a bad message to young girls.  Whatever. I’m in.  Maybe she will win me over.  And maybe pigs will fly.

She made fun of Vienna’s extensions, yet her hair looks horrible in comparison.  Her dress was not flattering, had a bunny tail, kept falling off her shoulders, and she can’t walk in heals.  She hunches, and is a whiner.  I just don’t believe anything she says.  It’s episode one and she won’t stop telling us how much she gave up to there.  Enough.  It’s boring.

Here’s a look at the 25 men who have come to fall in love with a super cute, fake, mean girl:

1.  Frank:  quirky, charming, glasses, lives at home, no job

2.  Jay: bad hair, ambulance chaser, creepy; GONE

3.  Craig M.: Canadian, super sleazy, too much hair product

4.  Kyle: Mountain man, lonely, desperate, sweet: GONE

5.  Justin: Canadian, wrestler, weird, celebrity seeker

6.  Phillip: banker, ready for love, serious, boring: GONE

7.  Jonathan: weatherman, corny, harmless

8.  Ty: recently divorced, rebounding, no shot

9.  Chris L.: landscaper, lost his mother, I love him. Top pick.

10. Roberto: Oh. My. God. Gorgeous.  Top pick.

11: Tyler V.: advertising, too young, sweet but out of his league

12. Derrick:  loves himself, insecure: GONE

13. Steve: forgettable, what was his name again?

14. John C.: confident, John Cusackesque

15. Kirk: says he only came because it was Ali, liar

16. Chris H.: Canadian, Simon Cowell hair, bland, might surprise us

17. Jesse: awkward and peculiar from Peculiar

18. Chris N.: gushing, no real impression

19. Kasey: strange, stalker, clingy

20. John N.: nervous, slightly off, weird eyebrows: GONE

21. Craig R.: cute, tries too hard, clumsy

22. Tyler M.: cowboy boots, thought she was someone else: GONE

23. Hunter: couldn’t say hello because he had to pee, oddly charming

24. Shooter:  premature ejaculator: GONE

25. Jason: back flip off the limo, no personality: GONE

Frank makes the first move by pulling Ali out for a one-on-one.  He’s odd, but charming and funny.  He loves her.  He might be gay and not know it.  Kirk made her a scrapbook.  Total chick thing to do.  Loved it.  Kasey is just plain weird.  He’s too into it after only five minutes.  He’s good television.

Hunter wrote a song, and sang with the ukulele.  Total goof, but the song was awesome, and he is ballsy. Jason is bitter, and needs to go. “Shooter” tells Ali, after knowing her for a minute,  his nickname is from a premature ejaculation situation in college.  Bye bye loser.

Jonathan, the weatherman, is aggressive, Craig M. is disgusting, which is shocking, because he is Canadian.  Total sleaze ball.  Roberto is gorgeous, have no idea what he said.  She’s a smitten kitten, and he gets the first impression rose.  Good call.  He’s my top pick.

Chris L. is wicked awesome, and from Cape Cod.  He tells a white lie about his mother.  It is sweet, lovely, and respectful to his mother.  I fell in love with him for it.  He is my other top pick.  Kyle says he will eat a rose to take it into his soul.  He’s very lonely, and it shows.

Jay is a self-hater, puts himself down, and it’s sad to watch.  Justin is a wrestler, a goof, and also a Canadian.  The representatives from Canada are weak.  Don’t get it.  When he tells the guys he is a wrestler, everyone turns on him, and figures he’s there for all the wrong reasons, like getting famous.

Craig R. is a snitch, which is not attractive this early in the game.  He gave her a running shoe keychain.  Whatever.  Chris Harrison comes in and tells all the guys to write down names, of men they think are not there for Ali, and place them in a ballot box.  Let the games begin.

Peculiar Jesse made her a necklace.  Sweet, and perhaps not that peculiar.  The ballot box is counted, and the men think Justin, the wrester, needs to go home.  Ali meets with him alone for a minute.  She can give him a rose and have him stay, or send him home immediately.  He gets the rose.

Mountain man Kyle ,is devastated to be sent home.  For the first time in his life, he feels like a failure.  Put this poor man on a suicide watch.  Shooter, thought telling Ali he was a premature ejaculator, would be cute and ease the stress of the moment.  Really?  Not only is he gone, but he is humiliated.

Jay, the self-hater, is pissed he did not “bring it”, and would have sent himself home, if it was his choice.  Dear Lord.  This man needs to get a life coach, and cut his hair.  The first cut is over, and so the season begins.  I’m in it.  Not for Ali, as much as for the men, some of which will be great television.

I love this show.  I love it enough to watch it, even though I don’t care about the Bachelorette.  The idea of it is lovely, and maybe by the end of it I will like Ali, and be happy for her.  Hang on a second…. I’m laughing too hard to write…. one second…. need to catch my breath.  Okay.  I’m back.

This season we will watch them go to Iceland, Portugal, Turkey, and Tahiti.  Not only will we watch, but we will get sucked in.  At the end, we will hope love is found, and hold our collective breath, as we wait for a question to be asked.  We’ll be thrilled if we hear it, and feel duped if we don’t.  At the end of the day, this show is not about Ali, as much as it’s about finding love, and keeping the faith.