Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap Catch Up of Weeks 9, 10 & 11


Typos are lovingly provided by Jose Cuervo and a Grey Goose.

Oy vey I’m so far behind! I was too busy in London to blog, but that won’t happen again because catching up is brutal! My RHOA blog has been posted and is up to date, not it’s time to tackle Beverly Hills. I am going to bullet point the past few weeks, will then blog the new episode tonight. I’ve got Jose by my side, but it’s a lot of show to watch. Wish me and my liver good luck!

Week 9

  • Kyle is throwing a big party
  • Gatsby themed
  • At a property in Malibu
  • It’s a big commercial for Mauricio
  • Great house
  • Gross schlep
  • LVP says she isn’t coming
  • She’s coming
  • Rinna is having a BBQ
  • Harry is making pie
  • I call bullshit
  • Those are store bough pie crusts
  • Get over yourselves
  • Rinna is a moron
  • I just can’t with her
  • Bad editing in BH
  • Eden arrives
  • She is odd but interesting
  • More odd than interesting
  • Dorit arrives
  • Fake hair and fake accents, check!
  • Kyle and Camille arrive
  • I’d like Camille back full time
  • Erika is fabulous
  • Rinna’s kids love Erika
  • Who doesn’t?
  • They are pretty
  • Not too bright
  • Bless them
  • Eden does not speak for all addicts
  • Or recovering addicts
  • Eden does not fit in here
  • Eden is telling Kyle shit about Kim
  • Kyle is over it
  • Everyone is over it
  • Rinna is a bad person
  • Everyone bails on Eden
  • Kyle is very likeable today
  • Unusual
  • I’m done with the BBQ
  • Dorit is working out
  • I’m done with the working out
  • Erika is reading at Y&R
  • I’m making out with Jose
  • Everyone is dressed up
  • Off to the party
  • Whatever
  • Erika wins the costume competition
  • Erika is perfection
  • The party is outside
  • There are no heaters
  • Kim and Kyle are chatting
  • Eden runs over
  • Ugh
  • Enough with Eden
  • Eden is mentally unstable
  • Bless her
  • One season for Eden
  • Rinna needs a sandwich
  • Kim calls out Eden on her crap
  • I love Kim
  • Kim should replace Eden
  • Right now
  • Eden throws everyone under the bus
  • Rinna is thrown first
  • Hooray
  • LVP shows up
  • We knew she would
  • Rinna is nauseating
  • PK hits on Erika
  • Erika drops the C word
  • I love Erika
  • LVP scolds Eden
  • I’m loving LVP these days

 

Week 10

  • More commercials for The Agency
  • Group trip to Mexico
  • Eden is visiting with LVP
  • LVP’s closet is everything
  • Eden requested the visit
  • We’re jumping between conversations
  • Rinna and Kyle
  • Eden and LVP
  • Kyle asks Rinna about Rinna
  • Kyle things Even is annoying
  • Rinna is blowing smoke up Kyle’s ass
  • Eden throws Rinna under the bus
  • Rinna is pathological
  • She is also sociopathic
  • Rinna is playing dumb
  • Not really playing
  • She’s so dumb
  • LVP pieces it all together
  • I now feel back for Eden
  • I take back 50% of what I’ve written
  • I blame Jose for the other 50%
  • Eden tells LVP she can tell Kyle
  • Eden is okay
  • Damaged, but okay
  • Dorit’s kids are gorgeous
  • Her accent does he kids no favors
  • I love Dorit’s kids
  • Rinna is whoring her kids
  • They are not the Hadid sisters
  • Nice try though
  • Rinna can’t pronounce Hilfiger
  • Dear lord
  • She is painful
  • I want to be Erika Girardi
  • I don’t get Erika Jayne
  • Mexico looks fabulous
  • We see a history of Rinna being a troll
  • Rinna’s kids just aren’t that into her
  • Hadid wanna be
  • I’m done with them
  • Skipping the modelling lesson
  • Eileen is in therapy
  • I don’t believe in televised therapy
  • The women go jet skiing
  • Erika is EVERYTHING on a jet ski
  • Camille is a great mom
  • Rinna, not so much
  • I can’t listen to Rinna anymore
  • I’m skipping and having a shot
  • LVP tells Kyle about Eden
  • Eden and Rinna’s part in her stacks
  • Kyle is livid
  • LVP is loving it all
  • I would too
  • Kyle and LVP tell the group about Rinna
  • Rinna and Eileen arrive tomorrow
  • Mexico might run out of tequila
  • Dorit thinks LVP’s hands are dirty
  • Shit will hit the fan

 

Week 11

  • Three weeks in one blog is brutal
  • I cannot drink another sip
  • Just kidding
  • Rinna arrives and nobody cares
  • Everyone is off to the Agency commercial
  • I mean party
  • Rinna is a dumbass
  • Eileen has diarrhea
  • Funny
  • Not funny
  • But funny
  • Erika tries to help Rinna
  • Waste of her time
  • Rinna foes to Kyle
  • At her party?
  • Ugh
  • Kyle tells Rinna what she heard
  • Rinna is idiotic
  • Deny, deny, deny
  • Rinna says she never said it
  • We see Rinna say it
  • Does Rinna think we’re dumb?
  • Rinna is lying
  • It is hilarious
  • LVP is fabulous
  • Eileen is not needed here
  • Rinna should be fired
  • LVP is calling Rinna on her shit
  • I love me some LVP
  • LVP is willing Rinna to come clean
  • She can’t do it
  • Rinna leaves in fake tears
  • Someone should push her down some stairs
  • Rinna “cries” she wants to go home
  • If there are no tears, IT IS NOT CRYING
  • Rinna is making a fool out of herself
  • Digging herself a massive grave
  • Eileen needs to poop
  • I cannot stand Rinna
  • Is Erika buying this bullshit?
  • Come on!
  • Erika is lovely
  • Rinna is a snake
  • Rinna is still digging
  • She WAS NOT crying!
  • Erika wills Rinna to come clean
  • She still won’t do it
  • Rinna does “doesn’t remember” what she said
  • Erika is now begging Rinna to fess up
  • Rinna won’t do it
  • PK is crude
  • Rinna calls Harry for support
  • Blah, blah, blah
  • I’m skipping this scripted bullshit
  • Eden is visiting with her mom
  • Beverly Sassoon loos FREAKING AWESOME
  • She is as pretty as ever
  • Eden needs to shut up about her family
  • She’s airing dirty laundry
  • Not cool
  • Beverly appears to think Eden is lame
  • Bless her
  • Beverly tells Eden to move on and let go
  • Bravo
  • I’m done here
  • Dorit calls her kids
  • They cry
  • They are too young for a call
  • This is sad
  • LVP and Ken are leaving
  • She has dogs to save
  • Bravo LVP
  • LVP is up
  • I thought she was leaving?
  • Lying bitch
  • Rinna needs to be fired
  • For real
  • Time for a boat trip
  • I’m ready to be done
  • Rinna is ridiculous
  • Eileen is ridiculous
  • Rinna blames LVP for her problems
  • Horrible editing
  • Time to jump off the boat
  • So much screeching
  • Dorit reminds me of Brittany Murphy
  • Rinna humps the table
  • My. God.
  • FIRE RINNA
  • I’m begging you
  • I’m drunk
  • I’m all caught up
  • I’m keeping it real

Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap Catch Up – Weeks 12, 13 & 14


Typos are lovingly provided by Jose Cuervo.

Oh. My. God. I am so behind it is ridiculous. I’m not sure I have enough Jose to get me through three weeks of shows, but I’m going in, so wish me luck. Thankfully I’ve got back up vodka! I’m going to plow through it all with bullet points so I’m caught up and can write a regular recap for the show this weekend. Grab a drink, or better yet just grab a bottle, and enjoy the triple decker recap.

Week 12

– They are going “glamping”
– Dear Lord
– I’m bored already
– Porsha is in therapy
– Make it stop
– Televised therapy is bullshit
– Who hugs their therapist?
– Kenya is bitching
– Porsha is bitching
– Phaedra is stirring
– I’m done
– Cynthia is meeting with Matt
– I’m doing shots now
– Going to run out of booze fast
– Cynthia doing this is lame
– Scripted bullshit
– This is passive aggressive
– I am not watching this
– Kandi is throwing an engagement party
– For her girlfriend
– It is a white party
– Cynthia doesn’t wear white
– Marlo doesn’t wear white
– Marlo is tucking
– Sheree doesn’t wear white
– White parties are lame
– Sheree is gossiping
– These women are trashy
– Kandi is a lesbian
– Phaedra is a whore
– Shamea is a homewrecker
– I could not care any less
– Cynthia moved into her house
– Her house is gorgeous
– Cynthia is telling Kenya about Matt
– No good can come of this
– Kenya thinks Matt is a child
– Kenya sent Cynthia to talk to Matt
– That is childish
– Cynthia should abort this mission
– Kenya is pissed off at Cynthia
– I like Kenya a lot
– I don’t like Cynthia, a lot
– Kenya storms off fake crying
– It is case in point, not point in case
– Shamea forgives Porsha
– Porsha is a dumbass
– Shamea needs new friends
– How do you spell Shamea?
– Shamea calls out Porsha
– Porsha is pathological
– I’m bored
– Kenya is exhausting
– Cynthia is stupid
– Sheree is ridiculous
– Marlo is tucking
– This trip is a waste of time
– Kenya’s spread is fabulous
– Sheree’s spread is embarrassing
– I have two more weeks of Atlanta
– Lord give me strength
– Pray for my liver
– These women are rough
– I’m a little scared of them
– Time for vodka
– Porsha is mentally unstable

Week 13

– Everyone is bullying everyone
– Porsha is silly
– Marlo has gas
– Perhaps because she is tucking
– Sheree likes talking about lesbians
– I don’t think I can watch this
– Ask Marlo how she tucks
– Marlo is bitter
– Probably because she tucks
– These chicks have crazy bodies
– I love the curves
– I don’t do chicks Sheree
– Just admiring the beauty
– Fake crying is hilarious
– They are wiping away nothing
– Cynthia is not getting married again
– Phaedra is lying about Apollo
– Cynthia is painfully dumb
– They are going on the lake
– I am skipping over this
– I am also making another drink
– Sheree is nuts
– Time to jump off stuff
– No thank you
– I’m skipping the jumps
– Time for dinner
– Marlo is tucking
– Kenya apologizes to Marlo
– Marlo apologizes to Kenya
– Kenya meant it
– Marlo did not
– Marlo stirs the pot
– Probably because she is tucking
– Marlo asks Kandi if she is a lesbian
– Kandi says no
– Sheree points fingers at Porsha
– Porsha acts dumb
– Not really acting though
– Porsha is like Rinna
– Porsha and Kandi are going at it
– Kandi kept Porsha’s secrets
– Porsha is not protecting Kandi
– Phaedra is keeping quiet
– Phaedra is a lousy friend
– Kandi calls Porsha a lesbian
– This is beyond stupid
– Dinner ends with two gossiping groups
– Kandi says Porsha hit on her
– Oy vey with this shit
– I still have another week to go
– I love you Jose
– Desperately love you
– The Kandi/Porsha battle begins

Week 14

– Kandi is going home
– Separate from the group
– She’s mad about being called a lesbian
– Thou doth protest too much
– Phaedra is a horrible girl
– Everyone is gossiping on the bus
– I want to impale myself
– I need Porsha to stop talking
– Cynthia needs a golf cart for her driveway
– So does Kenya
– I’m over the lesbian storyline
– Who cares?
– God Bless lesbians
– We’re done now
– Kandi meets with her peeps
– She kisses Todd
– Desperate to prove something?
– Kandi says Porsha hit on her
– For the love of God
– Someone make this stop
– I love you Jose
– Kandi says non lesbians are “regular”
– I can’t
– I’m also getting sloshed
– This show is painful
– I love you Jose
– Kenya gifts Cynthia is vaginal rejuvenation
– Enough
– Seriously
– Enough
– I’m skipping over this
– Phaedra is told her divorce is final
– I call bullshit
– This is scripted garbage
– Phaedra wipes fake tears
– I am laughing at her
– Riley is recording a song
– I can’t
– I feel sad for this little girl
– Kandi is whoring her out for a storyline
– I’m skipping over this
– Porsha’s new house is just silly
– The kid’s rooms are creepy
– Phaedra wants to make out with Porsha
– Phaedra is lying about her divorce
– Blah, blah, blah
– I’m drinking vodka now
– Phaedra is lying
– Cynthia wants to hire Kairo for modelling
– Sheree is mental
– For real
– Porsha and Todd are fake
– They belong on Maury
– Todd will dump Porsha in a minute
– Kandi is taking on Porsha
– Porsha is ready for Kandi
– Kandi IS NOT A LESBIAN
– Okay Sweetie
– Porsha is backpedaling
– Kandi is guilty
– There is a whole lot we don’t know here
– Lots of daggers
– Lots of screaming
– Lots of threats
– Lots of booze needs to be bought by me
– Marvin?
– Really?
– Pick a better name!
– Kandi scares me a bit
– Don’t cross her
– Short and stout bitch
– Girl bye
– I need a nap

See you Sunday

I’ll be here keeping it real.

Katsuji Tanabe, Mexi-Kosher maven, competes on ‘Top Chef’


“I’m a Mexican-Japanese who owns a kosher restaurant.”

Welcome to L.A.

Katsuji Tanabi is our neighborhood chef, founder of the ‘lil Mexican Kosher joint, aptly named Mexi-Kosher, located in the Pico-Robertson area. He’s won Food Network’s “Chopped” and now he’s competing in Bravo’s “Top Chef.” Don’t have time to watch the hour-long episodes? Follow his gastronomical journey here, in recaps!

EPISODE 1: Sudden Death

Guest Judge: Richard Blais, Top Chef Season 8 All Stars Winner

“Hi, my name is Katsuji Tanabe and I sell tacos in Beverly Hills.”

QUICKFIRE CHALLENGE: Timed Techniques

Katsuji’s Technique: Shucking oysters

It’s day one and it’s not pretty. After brief introductions, host Padma Lakshmi gets down to business and, bam!, announces a sudden death quickfire. Contestants are divided into four teams of four.

It’s a timed mission and Katsuji’s team is in the lead. Until it’s his turn to perform. Each person is designated a different task. His, you ask? Shucking oysters.

As you might imagine, the kosher chef can’t shuck. Banging the oysters against the table, Katsuji realizes oysters aren’t his forte.

Still, in the nick of time, he eventually shucks enough and, though not first, his team doesn’t finish last. Saved from elimination!

ELIMINATION CHALLENGE: Cook a spin-off of the first dish you ever made.

Katsuji’s Dish: “Petroleum” shrimp, saffron couscous, serrano aioli and squid ink fondue

Katsuji incorporated way too many elements. A basic “shrimp quesadilla” manifested into a squid-ink-gruyere-cheese-chicharron-hard-boiled-egg overload. Because of his boldness, he’s among three contestants on the chopping block. But he prevails and doesn’t go home!

EPISODE 2: Boston’s Bravest and Finest

Guest Judge: Todd English, Boston Restaurateur

QUICKFIRE CHALLENGE: Surf and Turf

Katsuji’s Dish: Poached sweetbreads, sunny side up quail egg, uni and caviar with hot pepper jelly

There’s no elimination in this quickfire, but the winner gets $5,000.

“I’m not even thinking about $5,000. I just want to prove to the other chefs that I have good days and I have bad days. But right now is the most amazing day,” says Katsuji.

Although the day starts with some mishaps, Katie the klutz, a fellow contestant and culinary instructor, collides with Katsuji when he’s holding a blender’s worth of boiling liquid. The scalding sauce burns him and F-bombs go flying. After that blunder, Katsuji resumes his game-face and serves up a pretty impressive dish.

A contender to win the $5,000, he loses by a hair.

ELIMINATION CHALLENGE: Cook for the commissioners of Boston’s fire and police departments

Group Dish: Pea coconut puree with sauteed halibut, pickled rhubarb and grilled fennel slaw

Through random selection, Katsuji ends up in a group with klutzy Katie (of course) and haughty Mei, sous chef at Michael Voltaggio’s “ink” (LA’s “it” restaurant), who won the elimination challenge last episode.

High and mighty, Mei doesn’t trust any input that isn’t her own. She’s a culinary back-seat driver. When Katsuji says he’ll make the puree sauce, Mei holds up a fight. End of the challenge, Katsuji serves up a beautiful sauce made from peas and avocado. Mei apologizes…sort of.

Although top contenders, his group didn’t win the challenge.

EPISODE 3: The Curse of the Bambino

Guest Judge: Ming Tsai, celebrity chef of fusion cuisine

QUICKFIRE CHALLENGE: Boston Tea Party challenge

Katsuji’s Dish: Toasted brown rice tea broth with brown rice crusted tuna

The contestants have to fuse tea into a dish, so Katsuji selects a toasted brown rice tea blend and, celebrating his roots, concocts a Japanese-inspired dish. Although it receives acclaim from the judges, ultimately, it doesn’t win the challenge.

ELIMINATION CHALLENGE: Fenway Park Concession Food

Katsuji’s Dish: Bread pudding with mushrooms, bacon and deep fried pork belly

Inspired by baseball stadium grub, contestants are expected to take typical Fenway snacks and transform them into fine dining dishes. Katsuji decides to take a swing (get it??) with fried bread. He’s the only contestant to select that gutsy ingredient (the majority of contestants opt for popcorn or pretzels).

The pudding doesn’t go down well with the judges.

While waiting for results, the chefs wait in the kitchen. And that’s when things heat up. Aaron is this season’s putz. Aaron says to Katsuji, “Bread pudding is what five year olds cook, you’re a Top Chef.” Yadda yadda yadda, things heat up in the kitchen, Katsuji says, “You ever talk to me like that again…” and Aaron, unphased says he wants to shove bread pudding in Katsuji’s mouth.

Again on the chopping block for his traif pork belly and bread pudding, the judges tell Kastuji he needs to be a better editor.

EPISODE 4: Chefs Walk Into a Bar…

QUICKFIRE CHALLENGE: Upscale Bar Food

Katsuji’s Dish:Mahi mahi and tuna ceviche tostada with roasted tomato and jalapeno salsa

In yo’ face! Katsuji won. The challenge takes place at the Boston bar Cheers and actor George Wendt (Norm!) guest judges. Katsuji earns immunity from elimination.

ELIMINATION CHALLENGE: Three Course Italian Meal

Katsuji’s Dish: Spring pea and goat cheese ravioli with pecorino, green chili and mint

Teams have to write and create a three-course menu. Katsuji’s in a team with Aaron (the bread pudding shover) and Gregory, Season 12’s star child (who practically wins every competition). As to be expected, Aaron and Katsuji butt heads, but they keep it to a minimum.

While cooking his ravioli dish, Katsuji gets a special gluten-free request. A deer in headlights, he deconstructs his ravioli rather than substituting the pasta for a gluten-free option. Turns out, the celiac is actress Emmy Rossum. Judges are unhappy with his ravioli, but who cares! Katsuji has immunity.