September 25, 2018

Dating 101: Lies & Shorts

I had an interesting dating weekend. By interesting of course I mean I am one step closer to another cat. My dating life is tragic. Tragic and hilarious. While I’d like to think it is because I simply date the wrong men for me, I cannot help but wonder if it is fact me. How is it possible for one woman to have such bad luck when dating? What am I putting out into the world to attract these men? The bottom line is dating sucks and it’s not me.

I met a man online last week. We emailed one time and exchanged phone numbers.  We made plans to meet for drinks and dinner on Saturday night. I really liked him. He was a beautiful writer, had gorgeous blue eyes, and a lot of stories. I like people who have stories and experiences. As I prepared for the date I was not only NOT nervous, I was actually excited to spend time with him, which is unusual. I usually feel quite sick before going on a date.

I walked into the bar and as soon as I say him my heart sank a bit. I shook it off because I’ve learned that at this stage of life people are often dishonest about basic things in order to appear more attractive. It is silly and stupid because it makes them liars right from the start. I suppose they’re simply trying, so there must be kindness. He said he was 5’11”, but was 5’8”. He said he was 58, but was clearly in his mid 60’s. He also said he never lies. Okay. He was drowning in half truths.

When we spoke on the phone he told me about his work, but in person his story kept changing. He went from having sold a script, to trying to sell it. He went from having met a celebrity, to having actually met the celebrity’s son. He was trying to keep it together, but lost his grasp of what he was saying and it unraveled. The lies were piling up and he quickly became pathetic. What he said on the phone was not at all grounded in truth. It was almost funny.

I hope people lie from a place of loneliness not a desire to deceive, but that hope can occasionally be hard to hold onto. Not only did he lie, but he lied about things that would be obvious the moment we met, which makes him not only a liar, but stupid. It is disrespectful to me, to himself, and at the end of the day a waste of time, and getting ready for a date takes time! I won’t be seeing him again. Hopefully he found his way home as he forgets things.

The second man was equally disappointing more. We were recently matched with on a dating app and he looked really familiar. I felt like I knew him, but didn’t know from where. I didn’t want to respond to him until I remembered who he was, then it came to me. He had reached out to me a couple of years ago. We spoke 2 or 3 times and made plans to meet for a drink. He had 2 young kids so his time was limited and the date was set for a week later.

Before I had even starting talking to this man, I had made a plan to meet another man for drinks. I was getting ready for that date when he happened to call. I let him know I was meeting up for a drink and would call him on my way home. He wanted to know who I was meeting. I mentioned it was a fix up. Not to rub in I was seeing someone else, but because it was the truth. I did not know this man, and it didn’t seem like a big deal, so I was honest.

He became very offended I would go out with someone else. He said I was disrespectful and abruptly hung up on me. I never heard from him again. Important to note I texted him to explain the date had been set up before we started talking, but he never responded. Cut to him reaching out again this week, and my reminding him about what happened when we last spoke. He said he didn’t remember hanging up on me and apologized. I don’t think so.

When we spoke on the phone he eventually admitted to “vaguely” remembering me and his hanging up. We chatted a couple of times and he was lovely. He said he was going through a lot in his life then, and perhaps it was as simple as our timing being off. He suggested everything happens for a reason and we were not meant to be then, but found ourselves connecting now, because now was the time. It was sweet and romantic and I appreciated the effort.

Here’s the thing though, when somebody shows you who they are, believe them the first time. We chatted and texted for a few days and decided we’d meet for a drink and see if there was a connection. In one of our text chats, while talking about our upcoming first date, we somehow got onto the topic of gym shorts. He was buying a new pair, and said he would wear them when we met. I joked that he might want to rethink shorts on a first date. It was funny.

He then got upset and texted something about being a New Yorker, he is who he is, I need to accept him, and gym shorts on a first date is totally cool. That was on Saturday, we had plans on Sunday, but I never heard back from him. Not a word. It makes me laugh. From where I’m sitting the man has issues, and unless we are going to the gym, or a hike on a first date, don’t wear gym shorts. It is just not proper first date over cocktails dress. Ever.

Important to note that I live in the valley and it is freaking hot, so of course shorts are fine. That said, there are nice shorts and there are gym sorts. It is gym shorts that I take issue with, before someone writes that I am uptight and judging. I am going to Canada for the weekend. Thrilling to be home with my family, and thrilling to not have a date. Dating is hard. It is also fun, exciting, and exhausting, so when dating one must focus on keeping the faith.