A Rosh Hashanah rap

Fifty Seven Seventy Five  / is not the combo of my locker

It’s also not the age of my Mother to Father 

Not the goals of Brazil vs. German World Cup soccer

It is the year of Israel/ kiss the land upon

when I El-Al’ed her

Sweet new year / for my future Jewish lovely

That “high holiday” time of month / after my

birthday money

It resonates from Qiryat Tivon to Pico / land

of the sunny

A couple l’chaims later / everything is smiles

and so funny.

The first of Tishrei / remembers Adam and Eve

The shofar blows / honey cake ’n’ apples and treats

Confused so great / till my tummy aches

On Yom Kippur I’ll fast / and lose all that weight

A holiday we CAN celebrate / even if it’s a

little something

If we can’t make it to shul / we eat sweet

and take a hike up Runyon

We fight with our families / and they pretend

it’s a discussion

We embrace carbohydrates / because that’s “what’s in”

We are Ashkenazi, Persian, Sephardic, Ladino, Mizrahi

… and … Russian.

We make it home / for least one night of the two

We bring home a girl  / that our Mother will not like

(and it’s true)

We travel across the nation /  to see them for

once chillin’

And if things are all wrong / we pretend to not act

like some victim

Rosh Hashanah / head of the new year 

Yom Kippur cleanses us from our old fears 

No magic ball drops along with cone hats / Times Square / month-old beers 

We are just rejoicing because Moshiach is almost here 🙂

We recall great shows like Friends …

Costanza and Cheers

This year, Less Manishewitz — more “Man I Schivtz”

Less 24-hour partying — more 24-hour fitness

More calling our brothers and sisters about things

that matter

And matter of fact … more minding our own business

(especially as a Jewish rapper/actor)

Less lashon hara / if we fight / more making up 

Less shopping at Sephora /more creating trust

Pursue my goals / stick to a plan 

12 weeks at a time / 4 times as much money this year

if I can

Throwing bread crumbs / in a river  

Say good-bye and repent / for Joan Rivers

This is different from Passover 

These herbs are not bitter

As I mention before / it’s time to set our goals

If we are in business / lets hope more items are sold

Acknowledge more Jews / be passionate with more soul

And let’s shack up already / It’s 5775 /

and we are getting old

For the end of My rap

Let me give a shout out to my future wife/  OY VEY!

I promise to swipe right /  say OK!  / and be Awkward…

in a Good Way

I’ll message you first / and I’ll pay for the Bill.

Happy 5775 LA  / Sincerely 

The best Jewish rapper in Koreatown @koshadillz

Follow Rami Even-Esh on Twitter @koshadillz; for more, go to koshadillzworld.com.