October 21, 2018

Real Housewives of New Jersey – The Cancer Season

Tonight's typos are generously sponsored by Jose Cuervo.

I feel like this season has been on forever but we still have a long way to go and the best is yet to come. We left last week with Amber making a fool out of herself with the fake crying and constant talk of cancer, to Teresa and Juicy pleading guilty to some of the charges against them. We pick up this week with the knowledge that Amber will continue to be an insufferable twat and Teresa trying to keep things normal for her young children. Teresa is getting the kids ready for school and it is very sad to watch.

It is amazing to see how they have all grown. When I interviewed Teresa the first time Audriana was a baby and they were grocery shopping together while we talked. Now she is a beautiful little girl and my heart breaks for Tre ad her family. I am of the opinion that Teresa didn’t know what was happening and Juicy made bad choices. I hope he is punished and she is spared. I would hate for her to go to prison and have to leave her kids. Teresa talking to the baby about her situation broke my heart.

We jump to Dina and honestly, it is a complete bore. Between her dogs and the intern, she is simply not interesting. She hasn’t been interesting the entire season and it is disappointing. Important to note that even though she is boring, she is better than Caroline. Shame they didn’t bring Danielle back too. Back to Tre, Gia supports her, which is lovely, then we go to Joe who is worried about his sister. I like Joe but wish he would stop talking about his wife. We don’t like her Joe, so stop shoving her down our throats.

Over to Rino, he is going to have a colonoscopy. Thanks for sharing. He is funny, appears to be have a rather impressive penis, and I am laughing because Jim Marchese probably watched it at home and is jealous. Teresa is funny and they’re a cute couple. Rino tries to convince Teresa that the best thing for him is lots of sex. Valiant effort. Time to go with Melissa and Joe to see their house. I just can’t. This house is stupid they can’t afford it, and I predict a bankruptcy in the future of these posing losers.

Jim and Amber are going to church and Amber makes it all about her cancer. Oy vey with the cancer. Enough already. It is as if this woman has no idea what it is like to lose someone to cancer. I held my father’s hand as cancer took him and I am sick of her complaining. She is alive. Be happy and shut the fuck up. Her constant need to compare everything to her cancer is annoying and offensive.  That she is going to step out of church to call Teresa, when Jim hates Teresa is hilarious. This chick is a mental case.

Teresa does not want to talk about it, but Amber keeps pushing. As if Teresa is going to tell her anything. SHUT UP AMBER. Teresa tells her to not ask questions and she will tell her if she ants her to know anything. Teresa compares Amber to Jacqueline, which is awesome. Amber realizes she is being a twat and tells the camera she wanted to top asking and the questions came coming, It was actually cute an the first time Amber was appealing. I liked her for about 30 seconds. Go figure.

Are we seriously being asked to watch Dina say goodbye to her intern for longer than 20 seconds? Yes. Yes we are. Are we seriously now being asked to watch Amber talk about cancer again? Oh. My. God. I love how Jim loves his wife, but I just can’t. She had caner. We know. This is not a show about cancer. Maybe she should do a reality show about what it is like to have gone through cancer and the fear of it returning, but this is not that show. Shut up already with the cancer. It is too much all the time.

Dear Lord. Now we are with Melissa and Joe getting ready for Florida and I am bored. I am also packing another cocktail. Melissa makes sure we know her husband wants to have sex with her all the time. Thanks for sharing Melissa. What could make this more painful tot watch? I know! Rino’s colonoscopy preparation! Whoo Hoo. Why are they having a dinner party on the night before his procedure when he can’t eat? This is scripted bullshit and I am offended as a viewer to be given this crap.

It is funny to watch Giovanni check out Lexi. It is weird to watch Santa with Rino. It is ridiculous to keep checking on Rino while he is going to the bathroom. I am starting to really like these twins. Teresa is not going to Florida. Duh. Dina is sure talking a lot about Teresa for someone who doesn’t want to talk about Teresa. Just when I think we have moved on, it is time to talk about cancer again. Ugh. Sidebar: Can anyone explain to me what exactly Amber is wearing in this scene? Her sweater is crazy.

Amber’s doctor has asked her to come in for more testing and she is going crazy. What happened to being positive and a survivor? Jim is telling her it could be a lot o things and not to worry, but Amber is convinced it is bad news ad she will die. She seems a little ungrateful to me. I do not have cancer, but I have held the hand of my father as it ravaged my father and seen loved ones through breast cancer, so she needs to man up and shut up until she knows what is really happening not just in her head.

I actually feel bad for Jim. She is wondering how to tell her kids about her reoccurrence of cancer and I want to smack her. Between the cancer and the colonoscopy I’m done. Let’s talk about my liver! I drink to get through this show so how about some sympathy for my liver! How about some a Go Fund Me account for my tequila? I get that these are parts of life, and important, but this is not what we watch this show for and Bravo should focus a little more on entertaining us instead of boring us.

Amber is now saying she can’t go to Florida. Of course not. Ugh. Any excuse to talk about her cancer. Teresa says she won’t go because of everything going on but I imagine she’s not allowed to go. I feel bad for Dina who is now trapped into a trip to Florida without Teresa as back up. Poor thing. Teresa makes sure to let Dina know about the Rino/Santa rumor, which is gross. We are all thinking about it and it won’t go away if they don’t stop talking about it. Funny to me that Teresa wants to know if Santa is pretty.

This week wasn’t particularly interesting, but that’s okay because fireworks are coming and we will forget about being bored. Teresa tells us she is not trying to gossip, as she gossips, and I am laughing. Next week Jacqueline and Kathy are back so I’ll need to prepare my liver for an assault. I like this show but it is exhausting, Amber is still mad at me on Twitter and writes incessantly. I’ve invited her for an interview to set the record straight but she hasn’t responded. She clearly struggles with keeping it real.