Zionist Nightmare Gives Him That Shrinking Sensation

I have never in my life been to a shrink. The reason is that I want to leave my money to my kids, not to other people’s kids. Also, I consider myself to be absolutely
normal. Nevertheless, recently I felt the urge to lie down on a couch, stop pretending that I’m in control and that I have a clue about what’s going on, and just surrender to an all-knowing, wise man, who will fix everything. I guess that the session would run as follows.

Uri: Hi, I’m glad you accepted me on such short notice.

Shrink: No problem. Tell me what’s the problem.

U: Last night I had a nightmare.

S: Good, we live on that … er, I mean, tell me what it was about.

U: Well, it was terrible. I was dreaming that we live in a bi-national state.

S: Interesting, go on.

U: In my dream, Azmi Bishara is the prime minister, Mahmoud al-Zahar is the president and, on Independence Day, I mean, Naqba Day, instead of “Hatikvah,” we all sing “Biladi Biladi.”

S: What’s wrong with that? To me, it sounds perfectly normal.

U: You’re kidding me? It’s a disaster, it’s the end of the Zionist dream!

S: I know, but what I meant is that it is normal to dream at night about things that are actually happening during the day. By the way, I look at your CV and I see that you served in the Air Force.

U: Exactly. What will happen to our glorious Israeli Air Force, the hero of the Six-Day War and Entebbe? It will be destroyed!

S: Why these negative thoughts? Think positive. It will not be destroyed, but it will have to change. For example, before deciding to attack the Iranian nukes, the commander will have to consult with, say, Sheik Raed Salah and Gibril Rajoub. That’s the meaning of power sharing.

U: But we have to stop it. Surely we can’t let this happen.

S: So tell me, what have you done recently to stop it?

U: Me? It’s the government that settled Jews in the middle of Arab areas so that we’ll never be able to separate. It’s the government that can’t even take out one single illegal outpost. It’s the government that lies to the Americans …

S: The government, sure. Instead of taking responsibility, people are always quick to blame others.

U: But what can one person do? At least I wrote articles warning that if we don’t take action to establish two states, Israel will either lose its Jewish identity or become an apartheid state.

S: And?

U: Probably no one ever read them.

S: Did you ever do something more proactive, like, for example, going to a demonstration?

U: Not really — somehow they always conflict with my siesta.

S: I see. What about politics? Have you ever considered, instead of whining about the situation, to roll up your sleeves and enter the political arena — which is where real power lies — to try and change things?

U: Me? Are you out of your mind? I would never come close to this messy business. Just thinking about the stupidity, the corruption, the extortion, the greed, the populism, makes me want to puke.

S: In that case, there is nothing wrong with you. You are 100 percent normal.

U: But how can someone who marches with his eyes open toward a bi-national state still be called normal?

S: Sorry, your time is up.

Col. Uri Dromi, Israeli Air Force Reserve, is director general of the Mishkenot Sha’ananim conference center in Jerusalem. From 1996 to 2007, he was director of International Outreach at the Israel Democracy Institute.