Talking Trump with my father

In my mind, I have arguments with my dad. In my mind, I am much more eloquent than my first grade Russian could possibly allow.

If he were alive today, my father would vote for Trump–  just like most of the Russian Jewish immigrant population and a sizeable minority of Persian Jews in the US.   This is something I just cannot understand.

My family came to this country in 1975 from Odessa, USSR. I was 7. Our story was the usual one for Russian émigrés of that time. My mother worked two jobs, we saved our money and she started a successful business. My brother and I went to good schools. My parents never failed to appreciate the freedoms we had and the basic justice of American society

This is what I find interesting: How can immigrants fleeing from tyranny be drawn to a candidate who exhibits so many signs of being a tyrant?

Since both my parents have passed away, I can only wonder how they would answer this question. And in my wondering, I inevitably end up having an imaginary argument with my father.

“Dad, how could you support Trump?” I  ask. “You’re an immigrant! He scapegoats immigrants for domestic economic problems and problems with crime that have nothing to do with them, according to all statistics! He wants to ban Muslims from entering this country. Racist crap comes out of his mouth daily. Did you like it when he said that he wanted Jews and not blacks to count his money? The neo Nazis consider him their champion, their ‘God Emperor.’ He refused to distance himself from white supremacist supporters. He has flip flopped on Israel so many times!”

“Son,” my imaginary dad responds with a gravitas that would have been entirely foreign to the real Zinovy Rivkin, “you are so American. So soft, so sensitive, so politically correct. This is why your mother and I worked so hard? So you could go to a fancy school and become a socialist? Look, Trump is a real man. He says what’s on his mind. Does he sometimes say dumb things? Sure, but so do all of us when we speak from the heart instead of the teleprompter. He has the guts to say what we are all thinking .”

“Son,” he continues, “this country has been going to hell. You’re a doctor – can’t you hear it wheezing? Your friends the Democrats have been giving Pedro Hernandez free food and healthcare and education and jobs while Americans drown in debt and joblessness. 

And those Muslims! You think they your buddies? When your back is turned they will cut your Jew throat! Shush! I know, I know – the moderate ones! No such thing, you putz! If you see one, catch it for me and bring it home. I want to see it with my own eyes.”

“And don’t you worry about Israel, Trump has plenty of good Jews around him.  As for as what Hillary thinks of Israel, I have one name for you: Max Blumenthal. Never heard of him? Look him up, genius, you will learn something.”

“But dad…”

“Wait, I’m not done yet. You were just a little pisser when we left, you hadn’t had a taste of socialism yet. Well, we had to choke down great big bowls of it and we’re full! No more, thank you. Your Democrats have been trying to create their socialist paradise here in America for 50 years. Thank God for Reagan! He gave it to Gorbachev, right on the nose! The Republicans have been standing up for freedom and the real, working America ever since. Eight years of Hussein screwing up and giving everything away is enough. Its time to move in the right direction again.”

This is the point where my imaginary fingers are tearing out my imaginary hair. 

Is conversation possible here? Not as long as all we do is try to convince each other.  These are emotional, tribalist arguments. Us vs them, Democrat vs Republican (despite the fact that Trump has shown little interest in upholding GOP platforms). Trying to win the other person over with facts often backfires – they cling to their opinions with renewed vigor because, ultimately, many political opinions are based more on beliefs than facts and challenging those opinions directly is interpreted as a personal attack.  We think that facts dictate our beliefs, but in reality it is our beliefs that dictate which facts we accept and which ones we reject. 

If there is common ground between my late father and myself, it is around values we share like justice,  freedom and dignity. But these can be small patches of conversational real estate encircled by land mines. Keeping the peace will mean efforts to see the world from the other person’s perspective and trying to understand their worries. It will mean respecting their point of view and avoiding direct conflict, especially when one or the other gets emotional. It will mean that often we will agree to disagree. 

As physicians, we sometimes have to reach deep for empathy, but the effort always pays off. The doctors who give up burn out quickly and become miserable. So it is for all of us humans. We must all find our ways toward empathy, despite ideological obstacles, especially with the ones we love.

Alexander Z. Rivkin, M.D. is Assistant Clinical Professor at David Geffen, UCLA School of Medicine.