Teresa Strasser is a twentysomething contributing writer for The Jewish Journal.
Looking for a Few Good Therapists Israel and the Cure for Teenage Angst |
Enlightened Teresa vs. the Princess of DoomLet me introduce you to Enlightened Teresa. She’s open, warm, generous. She’s had a lot of therapy. She’s read Melanie Beattie, Tikh Naht Han, Martin Buber and John Bradshaw. She’s a glass that is half-full, life is full of wonderment, a carpe diem kind of gal. She’s can-do! Then there’s Teresa, Princess of Doom. Life has served her up a few raw deals and she’s more than a little bitter. She doesn’t like new people, new places or new things. In short, it’s safe to say she doesn’t like … change. The Princess of Doom doesn’t take well to life’s little set-backs. In fact, she’s been known to weep openly while clutching a newly minted parking ticket. Lately these two just can’t seem to agree on anything. They co-exist, battling over daily decisions and vying for position. It’s exhausting, frankly. I’ve discussed this with friends, just to make sure it doesn’t mark some sort of psychotic break, and most assure me they recognize the syndrome. Here are some examples of what happens when Enlightened Teresa and the Princess of Doom step into the ring. A man I hardly know invites me to his company picnic. Enlightened Teresa: What a great opportunity to meet new people! You’ve never been to Burbank, now you get to explore a new area! Sure, you’re a little nervous, but that’s normal. You’ll just have to flex those social muscles and see what happens! (Enlightened me doesn’t see anything wrong with using exclamation points, while the Princess of Doom finds them nauseating). Princess of Doom: Picnic? Two words. Sun burn. Two more words. Food poisoning. I predict an endless afternoon during which you’ll be stuck with a bunch of unspeakably boring accountants eating botulism-infected potato salad and trying to act like you enjoy having your face painted by some out-of-work actor in a clown suit. I get rejected after a job interview. ET: Well, this was a great learning experience. You are really on your way. The next time, you’ll really shine. This kind of thing just takes time! PD: Of course they didn’t want you. You’ll probably end up picking cans out of the trash and collecting all your loose pennies just to buy yourself a pack of generic cigarettes to smoke on the street corner with the other washed-up failures. Believe me, you’re never too young to be a washed-up failure, my friend. (For some reason, the Princess of Doom is prone to expressions like “my friend” and “pal.”) An ex-boyfriend finds true love. ET: Isn’t that great for him? You see, there’s someone for everyone! It’s so nice when two wonderful people find each other. PD: Nice? That yutz can find someone and you can’t? Pack your bags, pal. Looks like you’re about to board the bullet train to Spinster City. You get the idea. The tricky part is that both have totally equal influence. I suppose as long as they stay neck and neck in the attitude foot race, I’ll stay in that comfort zone between Mary Poppins and Chicken Little. I’m told it’s normal to be somewhat fragmented, that we all have different aspects of our personalities, all of them real, each of them serving a distinct purpose. Now that I’ve assured you how normal this all is, I might as well tell you about Ginger and Incense-Peppermint-Strawberry-Wine. Having Ginger is kind of like having my own inner Spice Girl. She’s feisty, aggressive and prone to making very suggestive comments at inappropriate times. When Ginger comes out, it’s like having a minor form of Tourrette’s Syndrome. She blurts out untoward remarks at odd moments with her faux-sexy stripper voice. This makes Ginger an exciting party guest, but a bit of a freak show, say, on an airplane or in an elevator. And than there’s Incense-Peppermint-Strawberry-Wine. She makes appearances only during first date situations. She’s usually nodding, her features arranged in such a way as to express maximum empathy and interest. She’s soft and sweet, with rounded edges and a winning personality. It’s not like Incense-Peppermint-Strawberry-Wine makes a special effort to obscure the Princess of Doom, but let’s just say she’s a lot more popular. Negativity and bitterness, while amusing, don’t tend to be romance magnets, my friend. Well, we’ve got to go. We rented “Sybil.” Now, that was one crazy chick. |
Enlightened Teresa vs. the Princess of Doom
Let me introduce you to Enlightened Teresa.
Editor's Picks
What Ever Happened to the LA Times?
Dan Schnur
Who Are the Jews On Joe Biden’s Cabinet?
Ryan Torok
No Labels: The Group Fighting for the Political Center
Larry Greenfield
Latest Articles
Performative Actions Must Stop
Samuel J. Abrams
Change Is Good – A poem for Parsha Tzav
Rick Lupert
A Bisl Torah – Hope Revealed
Rabbi Nicole Guzik
The Unraveling of Candace Owens
Orit Arfa
Longing for Shushan after October Seventh
Gershon Hepner
A Moment in Time: “Thinking Outside of the Box”
Rabbi Zach Shapiro
Culture
A Love Letter to ‘The Jewish Holiday Table’
Debra L. Eckerling
Moroccan Fish: A Taste of Casablanca for Passover
Sharon Gomperts and Rachel Emquies Sheff
Katie Workman: The Mom 100, Comfort Food and Ground Turkey Tacos
Debra L. Eckerling
Print Issue: Got College? | Mar 29, 2024
March 28, 2024
With the alarming rise in antisemitism across many college campuses, choosing where to apply has become more complicated for Jewish high school seniors. Some are even looking at Israel.
Rabbis of LA | Grief Helped Pave a Career Highway for Rabbi Anne Brener
March 28, 2024
Her father died when she was an infant; when she was 23, her mother and 18-year-old sister died three months apart.
New York Jewish Couple Redefines Kosher Wine Market
March 28, 2024
“We want Jews to stop drinking terrible wines or good wines that are overpriced. They don’t need to compromise anymore.”
Campus Watch March 28, 2024
March 28, 2024
A roundup of incidents, good and bad, happening on school campuses.
Hollywood
Podcasts
Katie Workman: The Mom 100, Comfort Food and Ground Turkey Tacos
Debra L. Eckerling
Jamie Pachino: “So Help Me Todd,” Food on TV and Chocolate Chip Cake
Debra L. Eckerling